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*oda24
writes: My boyfriend of 5 months went out on a big weekend out this weekend without telling me. On Sunday he called and said he wanted a break, some space, even though I thought we'd been getting on really well lately. Now I just don't know what to do, how much space & time to give him. I'm absolutley heartbroken, he is the love of my life. I saw us having kids & growing old together. He lost his job last wek then found out he owes £800 in council tax. Could these be factors to it? Please, can someone tell me what to do next? I don't want to lose my man.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 April 2005):
 Five months is not a very long time to be going out, or to know someone, and you may have been pinning a lot more reliability on this man than he actually warranted. The fact that you saw your future as a long-term couple and he didn't even think to explain that he was having a weekend away says a great deal about how each of you sees the relationship, don't you think?In these situations, there is nothing to be gained by trying to win him back or lure him back or beg him to come back. He needs some "space" and you have to give it to him. To do anything else will just drive him away even more.Yes, the fact that he has money problems and no job has probably contributed to his running off. It's probably more a case of "running away" though. He sounds young and pretty lacking in maturity, frankly, though he will likely grow out of that eventually.What you can do next is: give him the time and space to decide that you're the woman for him. As I said, no amount of nagging, berating, begging, tempting, threatening, cajoling etc will bring him back unless he feels that he wants to. So let him know how to contact you when he's ready. Tell him that you love him and that therefore you respect his need for time away but that you want him back. Then... withdraw. Try to have some fun with your friends. Even give thought to dating other guys... because, by asking for space he's given you license to act as if you're single. Romantic relationships are not that different from friendships: if a friend disappears on you for a while, the only thing you can do is wait until she wants to be friends again. You can't force someone to like you as a friend any more than you can force someone to love you as their girlfriend. And vice versa.What you hope happens is that your boyfriend realises what a mistake he made in leaving you. If he comes back, you can then reassess your relationship and decide if *you* want *him*.Good luck, dear, and be brave.
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