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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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He seems to think of me all the time, so why has he got a new girlfriend?
Q. I've been in love with the same man for 7 years. We've been on and off. He has a girlfriend now but he still have feelings for me, and he's very honest about what he feels. To me he seems confused. I love him and I want to be with him but I don't ...
A. 8 June 2005: This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but I don't think he feels about you the way you wish he did. Think about it. He's just got a new girlfriend, you write. So before that, he was available, wasn't he? Why didn't he hook up with you then... (read in full...)
Could I have had an orgasm and not known it?
Q. I have great sex with my boyfriend and I love it; I become super wet, horny, and tittilated, but I don't know if I have ever had an orgasm. Is it possible that I have had one and I don't know it?...
A. 8 June 2005: No. Definitely not. You would certainly know if you've had one. Orgasm doesn't feel like anything else in the human experience, which is why we're genetically programmed to seek it out. That doesn't mean that you're not enjoying sex. You can... (read in full...)
I like my boyfriend's daughter... but worry about why I'm jealous of their relationship!
Q. I have been dating my b/f for about 3 years now. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who lives with us. I never thought I would be a stepmom, I hate it! Don't get me wrong, I love this girl so much. I'm 23, she is 8. We talk all the ...
A. 8 June 2005: I really feel for you, because this is a tough situation for you, especially because you're so young. But you have to remember that his daughter is part of a package. You got the boyfriend - but wait, there's more! - you also get the daughter... ... (read in full...)
What can I do to prove to my parents that I'm ready to have a boyfriend?
Q. So I'm going to be 14 (going into high school) in a couple of days and I'm still not allowed to have a boyfriend. How do I convince my mom I'm ready to have one?...
A. 8 June 2005: The reason that your parents are protecting you so carefully from boyfriends and dating is that they want to be 100% sure that you're safe and happy. They know that 14 is a tough age to be - impossible though it sounds, they both were 14, on... (read in full...)
She offered me a threesome, but I'd rather sleep with her one-on-one...
Q. Hi, I'm in a bit of an awkward situation. I'm a male guy who has a female friend who is going out with my mate, however tonight I was talking to her online and she asked me to have a threesome with her (she is bisexual) so I said to her I prefer ...
A. 8 June 2005: I think you'll live to regret this one if you go through with it. In the end, what you'll have done is risked a friendship for a single night with a girl you don't even indicate that you're particularly attracted to. Sounds like a poor choice. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't compete with the sexual endurance of my guy's ex-partners!
Q. I love sex with my man but I feel threatened because him and his exes could go on for hours but after an hour I'm exhausted. what can I do or how can I go for longer?... ...
A. 8 June 2005: There's more to enjoyable sex than going on and on like the Energiser Bunny! Does your boyfriend complain that you're a wuss because you don't stay up for all-night sessions? Maybe you're worrying over nothing (and maybe your boyfriend's remembering ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my science teacher... and he's engaged.
Q. I'm confused on how to act next with this problem. I'm 14 and have recently fallen in love with my science teacher who is roughly ten years older than me, also he has a fiance. This is honestly the first guy I have ever felt totally in love with ...
A. 7 June 2005: Corral 50 to 100 mature and sensible adults in a room together and ask them about this matter and you'll find that a good 95% will admit to falling "in love" with a high school teacher. The other 5% will be lying. It's extremely common to have y... (read in full...)
I'm desperately embarrassed by my mum's weight and vulgar habits...
Q. I'm not sure if anyone will be able to help with this but here we go.... The problem is that I cant stop being rude or short tempered with my mum. I know it's shallow but it's because she's obese. The doctor has told her she needs to dramatically ...
A. 7 June 2005: Sorry, but this complaint sounds like it's all about you, not about your mum. You're worried about what your friends will think, because your mum's not slim like you. She embarrasses you because she doesn't act "ladylike". Try to get over your eg... (read in full...)
We were great together in the beginning, but when his temper flared, he basically threw me out!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been living with a guy for almost a year and I swore he was the man I was going to marry. In the beginning all I wanted to do was be around hime. We were absolutely inseparable. We worked together and pretty much lived together...
A. 7 June 2005: Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Marriage doesn't change people. If anything, it gives people licence to become even more like themselves over time. Sourpusses get more sour. Idiots get stupider. Spoilt brats get brattier, etc. In your case, there... (read in full...)
I think he smokes too much dope, but he doesn't care and says he'll do it anyway!
Q. Hello, I need advice on my relationship with my boyfriend.We have been going out with each other for a while now, but there is this one thing that he does that makes me mad. He smokes and gets high mostly every day. I try to confront him and...
A. 7 June 2005: The reason that he won't do what you say is that you don't control him. He knows that. And I daresay you know that too, at some level, though your approach toward him is more like that of someone who wants him to hop when you snap your fingers. ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and recovering from surgery, but my husband demands more sex when I can't give it!
Q. I have a big problem, at least for me it is big. My husband is supposed to love me, but now he is behaving strangely. He insults me all the time, but he wants sex more then before and when I say no he gets upset. I'm pregnant for six months. ...
A. 3 June 2005: You need to get someone to help explain this to your husband. Do you have a close family friend, or a relative (like your mother or a sister) who would be willing to help? Your husband needs to understand that he needs to make a sacrifice at thi... (read in full...)
My husband is a twin. Could I be carrying twin babies?
Q. I'm 12 weeks pregnant first time mum & I'm 34 years old.What are my chances of having twins.My husband is a twin. Thank you....
A. 2 June 2005: Congratulations on the pregnancy! This is the sort of question you'll want to ask your ob-gyn, of course, and you should be seeing him or her soon, right? However, just from my reading, you have a slightly better than average chance of fr... (read in full...)
What do women want?
Q. Hola! after recently discovering and absorbing most of this website, I feel overly compelled to ask for help in my own plight... I am 19yrs of age, and have suffered a meaningful, but scarceful love life, having only been intimate with two females ...
A. 2 June 2005: I'm sorry about your lengthy grieving process since your breakup. Clearly, it's been a painful time for you and you've been careful not to let it happen again by keeping yourself heavily medicated. That makes a kind of sense, I guess, and I tru... (read in full...)
I want him to tell me he loves me, but all I get is he "likes" me...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he has never said "I love you" but he is good to me. I've asked him how he feels about me and he just responds by telling me that he REALLY likes me and REALLY cares about me...any advice??...
A. 2 June 2005: It sounds like he REALLY likes you. What's the problem? Are you just hanging out to hear the words "I love you" tumble from his lips, or do you want him to mean it? I suggest that he either isn't sure that he loves you, or he wants to save thos... (read in full...)
Should I believe my bf when he says that the raunchy text message wasn't his?
Q. Been dating 3+ years, thought he was Mr Perfect. Found a raunchy outgoing text on his phone that seemed to imply having slept with whoever he sent the text to. (wasnt Me!) Went nuts but he insists he lent his mobile to his friend who put his sim ...
A. 2 June 2005: No, give him the benefit of the doubt. You say that things were close to perfect with him, so why would you let something this piddling ruin it? He insists it's not his. You don't have any proof it is. By my quick calculation, 1 out of every 52 ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend calls me fat, threatens me, hits me, meets with other women... Is he wrong, or am I?
Q. Hi i desperately need your help advice etc. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and have lived with him for the last 2. It has been an absolute knightmare he has physically hit me on many occassions, i must be honest as sometimes i initiate...
A. 2 June 2005: You're obviously bright, because - even after all you've endured - you're still incisive enough to have hit the nail precisely on the head. This man is treating you like dirt. Now, what are you going to do about it? You're the only one who c... (read in full...)
Two lap-dances cost him $150. Now he feels guily, but I'm feeling hurt!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years recently went to a bucks night which ended up at a strip bar. He stayed later after everyone else left and had 2 lap dances with a stripper, which cost him about $150. This is a lot of money for him as he normally pretty ...
A. 30 May 2005: It sounds as if he really let you down on this one. If he already understood how you felt about strip joints and lap dances and yet did it anyway, it was pretty disrespectful to you. I understand your hurt. However, in his defense, let's a... (read in full...)
He seems to have changed and now he lies to me. Should I try to save things between us?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been in a serious relationship off and on for a little over a year. I love the guy I'm with because he's everything I've ever wanted, except for the fact that within the last few months, he's lied to me repeatedly about both big...
A. 30 May 2005: The old saw has it that "love is blind", but don't let it become "love is stupid", OK? Give him a chance to mend his ways, but you have to take a stand and let him know that you won't endure the lying any more. You say that he's lied about both ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated and lives with the other girl, but he tells me to "wait" for him. Say what?
Q. I'm so confused about my son father. He's 20 years old. He cheated on me and is now living with the girl but he still says he loves and wants to have sex with me and tells me to wait for that. He wants to be with me, but not right now....
A. 30 May 2005: Sorry, hon. This loser is feeding you a line. He thinks you should "wait for" him? Why? When he's out having sex with the girl he cheated with, he's not exactly saving himself for you, is he? What he's hoping to do is to keep two women on the hoo... (read in full...)
Even when I know they're not available or interested, I fall in love... and I fall hard.
Q. Hi, I can't stop having unrequited loves! Every time I move on I think it'll be easier in the future if it happens again, and I think that I'll be able to stop it from happening again, but obviously I can't help falling for someone, and they can't ...
A. 30 May 2005: Ask yourself what all these guys had in common that was so attractive to you. There's probably a common thread that you're not even aware of. I have heard that some women are attracted to men they can't possibly have (celebrities, al... (read in full...)
Don't want to leave my son's dad, but I love someone else! What do I do?
Q. I dont know what to do. I have a 14 month old with my partner but I am seeing someone else who I love. I can't leave my partner though because I need his support financially and to be a dad to his son. What shall I do?...
A. 30 May 2005: You need to talk to a law advisor. Look in the phone book, because almost every town and certainly every city will have a free or low-cost legal advisor for people like yourself, so that you know what your rights and responsibilities are in this ... (read in full...)
How do I get over this shyness so I can talk to the office girls?
Q. I am desperately shy and really want to be able to talk to the two new girls in my office. They are both lovely but I start to sweat as soon as they come near me! Please help.........
A. 29 May 2005: Start small. Don't feel like you have to smother them with attention or be the world's greatest conversationalist. Try "Hi Monica. How was your weekend?" or "Hi Danielle. I just found a place that makes great coffee!" Be cheerful and brief and if... (read in full...)
Do I let him have his time away and not contact him, or should I let him know I'm there for him?
Q. I have a new boyfriend called Bob. We both have children. He has a good job, but quite stressful! His ex girlfriends have been very nasty to him about him seeing his children. He hasn't even been invited to has daughter's 6th birthday because ...
A. 29 May 2005: I agree with your friends. Although it might be hard to go without contacting him, it can't kill you, right? Give him his space. It's so important in good relationships to understand that not everyone wants to spend every minute of every day tog... (read in full...)
I feel like we're buddies, but he's totally into me...
Q. I have recently started dating someone I met through an online dating service. He's really nice and has a great sense of humor. But I am totally bored in our relationship. I feel as though we treat each other more like locker room buddies than ...
A. 29 May 2005: It's not really fair to him to continue seeing him if you feel sure that you're not going to develop any stronger attachment to him. Give yourself a chance to get to know him. You don't say how long you've been going out, but be sure to give him... (read in full...)
Once I get drinking, I do things I really wouldn't do if I were sober!
Q. The problem is, that I think I have a drink problem and it's starting to affect my social life. It's just at weekends I go out, and once I start drinking I get silly and start downing shots and pints which I can't handle!! I really drink too much...
A. 29 May 2005: Yes, you do have a drinking problem. In fact, you sound borderline alcoholic to me, as you have described yourself as having some of the classic signs of acute - as distinct from chronic - alcohol abuse (blackouts, inability to control the quantity ... (read in full...)
Trying to get back together with my fiance, but we've hit an impasse on the issue of kids...
Q. I am currently in the process of getting back together with my ex-fiance. We broke up just over a year ago as I felt trapped and not ready to make the commitment as I was very young (19) when we got engaged. However, during the year apart I have b...
A. 28 May 2005: Kids are a non-negotiable. You don't get to return them if they don't work out. Please talk to your fiance right now - respectfully and non-judgementally - before you work on patching up your relationship any further and are tempted to file ... (read in full...)
He's married and 39. I'm 17. Can we make a go of it?
Q. Hiya, I'm 17 years old and I'm having an affair with a married man of 39. He looks good. We are always having a laff. He's always there for me and we are great together. We're talking about making a proper go of things. I've never felt so good and...
A. 28 May 2005: I can't tell you Yes-go-for-it or No-don't-be-ridiculous, because you and he are going to do what you want, anyway. Right? However, for the record, I was there in your shoes at age 16, with a boyfriend as old as yours is, and I can tell you wit... (read in full...)
Do I stick with the father of my baby, or go back to my ex, who would treat me better?
Q. I am 17 yrs old and I am 6 months pregnant. I'm still with the dad but he treats me bad. He won't let me see my mates and if I do he does bad things. Like last time he smashed up one of my mate's mum's car. I took him back for the baby, he is 23 but ...
A. 28 May 2005: Hon, get away from your baby's dad. You can already see that he's a loser. You already know that he's not responsible when he should be, and he clearly can't control his anger... He sounds like a huge waste of space. You and your child don't need ... (read in full...)
We're both new at sex and it seems pointless and boring...
Q. Me and my bf are both 16, We started having sex a few months ago, but neither of us gets much out of it. If I'm on top I get nothing out of it and he gets a little. When he's on top, he gets nothing most of the time and I've never got anything...
A. 25 May 2005: Have you considered that you might've leapt into the whole sex thing too soon? Maybe neither of you is really keen yet... Sex, per se, isn't automatically back-clawing and earth-shattering - televised teen-dramas notwithstanding. Like almost e... (read in full...)
I'm lonely and separated from my partner. Neither of us is with anyone. Should we try again?
Q. I want to know if I should keep trying to revive the relationship between me and my partner. We have lived seperate for 6 yrs, but we see each other often. He says he loves me and I him. We don't have sex (he's impotent). This doesn't bother me. We ...
A. 25 May 2005: I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so lonely. I would hope that getting back together with your partner would go some distance to easing that pain. However, before you try anything further, you should think long and hard about why you're separ... (read in full...)
The man I love is jealous and alcoholic... and I'm afraid to leave. What do I do?
Q. I have been with this man for 2 1/2 yrs. He is an alcoholic, very jealous, and physical. He has low self esteem. I do love him, but I can't keep walking on egg shells. I don't want to leave, but I want and need to be happy. We have a 1 1/2 yr. old ...
A. 24 May 2005: Listen to your daughter, because she's not masking her feelings about him with a desperate veneer of "love". Your daughter instinctively knows that your partner is dangerous and she wants out. You owe it to her safety to get away from your ... (read in full...)
I've been dumped and I want Travis back!
Q. Hi, I am in desperate need or your assistance. My boyfriend of a year and a half has just dumped me a week ago. He tells me he loves me still and we will get back together, but it just doesnt seem likely. What can I do to get him back A.S.A.P! I ...
A. 24 May 2005: Bad news, I'm afraid. You can never "get [someone] back". They either come to you of their own free will, or not at all. There is nothing you can do to "make" someone love you. Think of this analogy: Sometimes, with a lot oftime, care and affecti... (read in full...)
My guy is 15, so what if he's ready for something that I'm not ready for?
Q. This boy I went out with is 15 and I am 13, but I love him, and he wants to go back out with me. But I think it is serious and I don't know what to do. Now I'm afraid that he will dump me if I don't give him head, (blowjob) and he might find me ...
A. 24 May 2005: When I was 13 (and a half), I went out with a guy who was 16, and, honey, I can promise you that he was ready for things I wasn't ready for! Even though I'd never done it before, I guessed that I would be willing to give him a blowjob if he ... (read in full...)
We're both adults, but there's a bit of an age gap. Is it worth trying?
Q. Hello. Can a 36 year old man, have anything in common with woman in fifties? Should we pursue relationship?...
A. 24 May 2005: It depends on what you're expecting. If you're both looking for love, experience, companionship, loyalty, friendship and so forth, then of course it's worth it! However, if you're wanting a family, that's probably going to be out of the question.... (read in full...)
I'm 17 years old, and I just don't get turned on by men. Am I a lesbian?
Q. Ok I'm Not Sure How To Put This, But I'm Sure I Need Advice. I Feel I Cant Go To My Friends So Here Goes. I Think I'm A Lesbian For The Simple Reason Males Dont Seem To Turn Me On. I'm 17 Years Old. I'm Worried People Won't Accept Me For Who I Am...
A. 24 May 2005: By definition, to be a lesbian you have to be sexually attracted to women... not just unattracted by men, so from what you've described, you aren't a lesbian. It's certainly one possibility that only you will really be sure of, but sexuality isn't ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friends don't acknowledge me at all... and there's more...
Q. I have been dating "Bob" for 2 years now. He is 27 and the man of my dreams. However, there is this one situation with friends of his that has me quite confused. He is friends with this married couple named "Shelly" and "Nick". This couple ...
A. 24 May 2005: Wow... you have some strange "dreams" if Bob is the man you always dreamed of. First, it concerns me that he's so dismissive of your feelings that he won't stand up to the weird couple that he calls friends and insist they at least include yo... (read in full...)
Could my girlfriend get pregnant if the condom went in with a trace of pre-cum on it?
Q. Me and my girlfriend see each other rarely, well only on weekends, due to her exams. We are both always wanting to have sex. The only problem is, when I was getting ready *putting the condom on* I accidently went to put it on the wrong way and put ...
A. 23 May 2005: If I had to give you the worst-case scenario, I'd have to say, pregnancy only takes ONE sperm. Yes, it's possible that your girlfriend could get pregnant from this one accident because there are low numbers of sperm in pre-cum. However, it's also ... (read in full...)
I have one photo of the woman I'm dating, and all I want is another. Is that too much to ask?
Q. I am dating this woman and she says that she loves me. She's very pretty but she won't take a picture for me. We have not met face to face so I really want her to take a picture for me. I have one but all I asked for was another. Am I in the ...
A. 23 May 2005: Well, yes. You're wrong for getting so upset over something so minor and using it as a yardstick of her affection. If ever you find yourself saying/thinking "If she really loved me, she would..." it's always a red flag. Particularly in such early ... (read in full...)
He's 25 years younger than me - and married - but could we still be friends?
Q. I fell in love with someone 25 years younger than me, I have been married for over 30 years. He is now married & I am very much a friend of his wife. I know that I can't have him, because of marriage & age difference. o you think that we can stil...
A. 20 May 2005: Is it *really* only friendship that you're after? If it truly is straight-out, platonic friendship, then I say Yes, certainly it's possible. Whether you can maintain that friendship depends on what interests and activities you have in common, ... (read in full...)
Been with my fiancee for 5 years. I love her, but I'm feeling already like I've missed out...
Q. Hi, I'm 22 and in a long term relationship with a wonderful girl. We've been together for five years and have recently got engaged. Well, that's the good part. My problem is that I feel as though I have missed out on something. While others hav...
A. 20 May 2005: This isn't uncommon with people who've been in couples for most (or, in your case, all) of their adult lives. You're wise to take note of it, because if you don't address the core of the problem - that you didn't get to experience the youthful ... (read in full...)
An internet "date" just won't leave me alone!
Q. A few months ago I was single and decided to give internet dating a try. I had dates with a couple of people, one of which I got on with well as a friend and I said I would see again. However, I then met a guy who I completely fell for, and I ...
A. 19 May 2005: Definitely continue to ignore him. This guy sounds like a scary-stalker type and it appears that he's convinced himself that you two were a couple and that he's been wronged by you. Take a lot of extra care with your communications f... (read in full...)
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