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*atnat
writes: My ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago but we still live together in our house but in seperate bedrooms. The thing what I want to know is, can we make amends? He tries to make me jealous by saying things like he is going on a lads' holiday etc. Why is he trying to make me jealous when he wasn't like this before? I don't understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005): I wonder if there is ever incentive for a man to stay with a woman (or vice versa) if there is no committment?
I think if I were you, next time around, I would insist on a marriage, and I would insist on it BEFORE I move in with the man.
If they aren't interested then you can bet they dont have your best interest in mind. That, of course, is your que to forget them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): I agree 100%. I tried that once. My ex and I broke up when he cheated on me. We didn't talk for 3 months, and when we decided to be friends, I ended up moving back in, not being together, but more "friends with benefits." I still did everything for him. I bought him food, drinks, cigerettes, he used my car, I did everything for him (I was still in love with him. He still loved me, but we just didn't get together) I lived there about 3 months, and anyone who came to the house thought we were together by the way we acted. Then some girls started coming to the house, and for 3 days straight he ignored me the WHOLE time they were there, he wouldn't say anything to me. I told him the day he starts ignoring me, I was moving out. It's his house too, so he could do something else, but why ignore someone who does everything for you?? So I moved out. He was surprised, because he didn't think I'd really leave him, it hurt more than anything in the world, but I did it. We have all the same friends, so I still hang out at his house, on a daily basis. I spend more time there than I do at my own house. It's hard seeing him with his new girlfriend and a lot of the time, we don't even talk. We go 3 or 4 weeks at a time without saying one word to each other. His girlfriend knows our background, and knows I'm always going to be here, and knows he still cares for me, so she doesn't even want him talking to me. They fight everytime we talk. I don't think he's trying to make you jealous, he's trying to see how you'll react, to see if you still care for him. But I agree, if you have any plans on getting back together, living together isn't going to help anything. It will just make things worse. Even though you too are broke up, you still feel like he's yours, and visa versa as long as ya live together. Which is just going to cause more drama..
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 April 2005):
 I don't think that he's trying to make you "jealous" as much as he's trying to convince you that he's moving on with his life by telling you the details of his plans. He may also be trying to "convince himself" that he's over you, but that fact that you're there in the same house all the time is confusing the issue.Your being ex-lover housemates is seriously affecting the way you interact. The best thing would be for one of you to find other living arrangements until you decide whether you're ultimately going to be friends, lovers or enemies. Until you give him a chance to miss your presence, he can't make a decision to want you back and there's a good chance that he will grow increasingly resentful of you being there. What if he wants to bring home another girl? Remember, he broke up with you and is therefore technically "free" to do that. You can't prevent it, though things could get really ugly if he did.I recommend that either you or he go and live with friends or relatives until you can work things out between you and decide if you're truly apart or have a chance of getting back together. Both of you living under the same roof and no longer being in a relationship is going to make things seriously stressful for you both and make you behave in strange, uncomfortable ways.Unfortunately, there isn't going to be any way to win back his affections in your current arrangement.Sorry.
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