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anonymous
writes: A few months before I got married (just four weeks ago) my wife had to stop taking the pill for health reasons. She seriously dislikes condoms and as a result has lost all motivation towards sex to the point that she's almost scared of it now. She's very conservative sexually and not interested in other methods of sexual interaction. Any ideas/advice on remedying the situation would be most appreciated!
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reader, msmcllstr +, writes (25 April 2005):
I was also on the pill but had to come off it for health reasons. I was uncertain of other types of contraception but after talking with my doctor I decided to have the coil fitted, and it's the best thing I have ever done. It's fitted by a doctor and can stay in for 5 years so I dont have to fiddle about with condoms or worry about taking pills or anything. It's a good and safe form of contraception which your wife should find out about.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 April 2005):
 For a start, ask her if she thinks there is a problem with the sudden disappearance your sex life. You might be surprised by what she tells you. I suspect she misses the sex and intimacy, but, if she's very sexually conservative, might be embarrassed to admit it to herself. If she's prepared to accept that there's something missing, she's bound to be more receptive to alternate sexual activities.Then try to get her to see her doctor. There are other forms of contraception you might try, such as transdermal patches. Find out what her specific objection to condoms is and see if you can work around it. Sure, they might feel a bit weird, but during sex it's hardly noticeable. There must be something else that she rejects about them, and you may be able to get beyond that, if you discuss her concerns. She also might tolerate other forms of the Pill, or might be able to start taking it again later. Her doctor is the best one to advise. Just don't feel that there are only two forms of contraception or one type of sex...In the meantime, see if you can get her to tell you where she might be willing to compromise in the marital bed. She might be more open to variation of routine if you tell her how much it would please you. You might also need to spell it out to her that your sexual needs aren't being met and that will very shortly start to feel desperately frustrated (if you're not already).In summary, she might be reluctant to talk about it, but you have to ensure that she understands how important it is to normal married life, and that she may have to be willing to compromise. Ensure that medical issues have been covered, then try to brainstorm alternatives with her assistance.Good luck.
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