A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a difficult situation. I have a boyfriend, although, I'm not actually sure if he is still my boyfriend. Weird, I know!.He has Bipolar Disorder. He only started taking medication this week, but I don't think it is helping. I have been with him for two years. This isn't the first time that he has hurt my feelings. Today, he sent me a message saying that he is "leaving me now". He didn't actually say breaking up with me though. He also said " No tears. I don't know when I will see you again ", and he said " I don't want to do this, but it is for real ". He also said that he will be faithful ( he has said that he always has been ). he also said that he was staying at home all day, that his medication was making him drowsy, and he said that the battery was low on his phone, and he had left the charger at his friend's house. He hasn't contacted me for hours. The last thing he said was that he wanted me to leave him alone, and that he hates me. Nothing bad has happened between us!. What makes things even worse is that I have made friends with another guy. He likes me. Nothing has happened between us, but he is a really nice guy, and I am wondering if it is worth staying in my relationship. I don't know what to do.I spoke to my dad about all of this. He said that I have put up with a lot from him, and that he messes me around. He also thought it was good that I have met this other guy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): Thanks for your replies. I don't want to tell him that I have met someone, as I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I'd rather just say that I am sick of the unpredictable behaviour ,and I'm sick of being left alone sometimes, and that I want to be single. As for the other guy, I would tell him that I am not ready to date again yet, and I would just see how it goes.It's difficult, because I still love him very much. But, I have had two years of this now, and I am starting to feel worn out. It doesn't seem like the other guy has any serious issues,and we get on well. I just hope that I wouldn't be making a mistake by going out with the new guy instead. Even my family think I have put up with enough ,and they think I should end the relationship.I don't know how I am going to explain that I don't want to see him anymore. I haven't exactly finished with him yet. Also, we live in a small town, and I am worried that he will see me around town with the new guy. He might even come to my house to try to speak to me. He has done that before when we have had arguments.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2014):
 I see in your follow up you already referred to him as an ex. “I had a missed phone call from my ex today.” AND you are liking someone else and wondering about being with him…. It’s time to move on from the current boyfriend to being alone for a bit (don’t go from one man to another it’s not good for you)
The bi-polar bf could take 6 weeks to even begin to respond to his meds and even then the titrations for mental health meds often need to be regularly adjusted.
I think that you have already emotionally checked out of the relationship and just need that final push to say goodbye.
IT’s NOT your responsibility if he does not react well. It’s not your job to fix him or take care of him YOUR job is to take care of yourself and being with bipolar boyfriend is clearly not taking care of yourself.
Time for you to end it. Be kind but be firm. Do not try to hurt him but do NOT let him blackmail or bully you into staying with him or giving him "one more last chance"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): He sounds like he was babbling incoherently under medication. It takes time for medication to take effect on the disorder itself. The chemical side-effects are what you are experiencing.
I think at this stage, it is up to you if you want to continue dealing with this. It is likely to happen again and again, for a very long-time. His mental condition and moods will fluctuate, medicated or un-medicated.
Mood-swings and depression are symptomatic of his disease, often he will not make sense. He will be indecisive and unpredictable. Bipolar disorder has no cure, and response to medication and therapy will vary. There are also time-variables for when his medications may take effect.
Some therapies may only be under trial, and may require changes in dosage; or changed altogether.
Remain in this relationship, only if you get the counseling and education needed to understand the mental disease, and how to deal with the patient.
Relationships are demanding; and while under treatment, patients will have setbacks and complications from the pressures received from frustrated loved-ones.
People are willing to be martyrs and make the sacrifice in the name of love. Bear in mind, that you truly need someone in your life capable of offering you everything you need and want in a relationship. He is sick, and may not retain the ability to do that. Guilt should not be the factor compelling you to remain in a relationship.
I would take him at his word, and move on with my life.
Not everyone can deal with the emotional roller-coaster mental-illness presents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): The thing is, I have put up with a lot from him,and I am starting to like this other man. Maybe I should be single and just be friends with the other man for the time being, although, I think he wants more, to be honest. I guess I could tell him that I had a difficult relationship, and tell him that I want to take things slowly?.
I had a missed phone call from my ex today. It sounded like he was drunk, although, I couldn't really tell. If he is, I am disappointed, as he shouldnt be drinking, and he should just be taking his medication.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): One guy at a time. Give your boyfriend/ex a break - a week isn't a long time for medication to kick in and a few hours is nothing.
Leave it be and stay single for this mess to be cleared up in whatever way.
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