A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, Here's my situation that I need advice on: I was dating a girl for around 6 month who I was madly in love with, she was the girl of my dreams, I have never been happier. Then all of a sudden one day she turns round to me and says she's confused and she feels that her feelings are not as strong. "I love you but I am not in love you" gets said. Needless to say we broke up and I can honestly say I've never felt pain like I did that day, it was unbearable and still is. I've tried everything, going to her house to speak with her, sending flowers and praying that she turns around and try to fix the relationship. I don’t understand how one minute you can be so in love and the next just feel like that. We were best friends and told each other we love each other days before the spilt.The hardest part I find is imaging her with another man, I'm struggling letting go because I want to win her back. I want advice on 1, has anybody lost the love of their live? And 2, Should I give up or keep fighting and 3, Getting over the thought of her with somebody else Thanks
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (29 April 2014):
 "I love you but I am not in love you"
Sounds as if she realized she loved you in the wrong way, like a brother maybe. Its very common in younger relationships. Please move on and busy yourself with your interests, friends, family and you will soon find someone else. When your young 6 months seems forever. A few years now you will look back and it will seem very different.
A
female
reader, tendersmile  +, writes (12 April 2014):
 Just get busy and distract urself, with time the pain will heal and u will make peace with the fact that you two were not meant to be together. But not necessarily u have to think that all the time that person has spent with u was for no good. People come to our lives for a reason and then they go when their part in our life is over. Doesnt mean u did not love enough or the other person was insincere, its just that you were not meant to be together for long. Don't think about her with someone else don't envy that person accept that if it was not u it had to be someone else... Time heals everything so give it time to heal and it will one day! and u will be all new and ready to move on...trust me:)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (10 April 2014):
 Yes, I have lost the love of my life. We were together for 12 years and we truly did/do love each other but he made a choice to return to his homeland and his family because of his obligations to them. Ours was not a lack of love, but a choice that he made and I had to accept it because in his mind there was no other way.
I agree with everyone else, please stop trying to get her back. I know you are hurting but you have to accept that she doesn't feel the same way. If you continue to try to get her back all you are going to do is get either pity or anger/disgust from her. I'm sure that's not what you want. You have to force yourself to accept that she may have been the love of your life, but you were not hers. It hurts, yes, it hurts sooo much but you need to accept it and deal with the pain. The less contact you have with her the better. No phone calls, no emails, no sending gifts. STOP trying to figure out what she is doing, who she is with. It only causes you pain. And it gets you where?? NOWHERE!
Time is the real healer. I know everyone says that, but its true. Its going to hurt..and its going to hurt for awhile. You have to work though it, accept that it hurts. If you cannot get through it yourself, please seek some professional help. Wallowing in self pity isn't going to help you. Please believe me when I say I understand your pain/loss. But you have to help yourself ok? No one can do that for you.
When you start thinking of her being with someone else...STOP yourself from going down that path. It will cause you nothing but pain. Immediately push thoughts like that out of your head.
Turn to family, close friends, involve yourself in something new. Go for walks, drives, something physical really helps! Yes you are still going to think of her, a song, a smell, a place..yes..thats going to happen...but it will get easier. IF you allow it to. You're still young sweetie..how do you know there isn't something better out there? Take time to heal but realize that there will be someone else..IF you allow there to be. Do not let the loss/sadness overtake your life. She isn't worth it. No one is.
Be good to yourself and give yourself some time. *HUGS*
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2014):
 Poor you! You are in such pain. She did you a favor by breaking it off after just 6 months. She could have dragged it out even longer but she was BRAVE and told you the truth. I am sure she hurt too. I know when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend I cried as much as he did. I hurt as badly as he did but I just didn’t love him that way anymore.
He followed me around, he called, he tried so hard to get me to come back to him and that really did make it worse.
What happened was she realized that she was fooling you and herself… and sadly it can happen in a split second.. what usually happens however is that person will agonize over ending the relationship and drag it out while your ex (yes she’s your ex now) cut the cord cleanly as soon as she knew it to be true.
You need to give up the belief that you can win her back. You can’t. You also need to stop thinking about her with others. Why would you even do that to yourself?
Time will heal this… give yourself time but leave her alone and cut off any way you have to “stalk her” block her on social media, delete her phone number and email…
it's a shock to your emotions right now but this too shall pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): You need to give yourself time to heal from this breakup.Do NOT jump back into the dating scene too soon. Normally, what happens is you will then date a girl and she will end up being a rebound for you, to make you feel better about yourself. That wouldn't be fair to the girl or to you.I have been a rebound and it isn't pretty. I was called another girls name all the time. The guy I had dated, dated too soon, maybe a couple months after the break up of the "love of his life." He said I made him forget about her and yet at the same time he is telling me he will never get over her. It was awful for me and I felt I was being used by him to get over her, to feed his bruised ego that he still has got it and that women want him.Give yourself some breathing room.When the time is right then date again. There is a special lady out there for you. Learn from this experience.Compatibility is the key for a successful relationship. As you grow older and wiser you will see what qualities you really want in a woman for a life partner.There are some amazing women out there and you need to see beyond this one woman and have a good look around, so don't give up.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 April 2014):
 Time is the greatest healer. You may think she was the love of your life, but you were not hers.
Stop letting her be the focus of your life, stop contacting her.
Yes you probably feel like she will be the only girl you will ever love, but guess what, she isn't. Your in shock, confused by how she changed her mind, I bet she was trying for a while to find the moment to tell you, without hurting you too much. It won't have been easy for her.
She had to be cruel to be kind.
As for others she may date, don't even think about it, why punish yourself like that. Keep busy, see friends, get out there and meet new people. One day you will meet another girl you want to date.
Its not the end of the world its the beginning of a new phase in your life.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 April 2014):
 Almost everyone experiences a break up. You call her the 'love of your life' but you in your early 20s. How can you possibly know if that is the case? You may have needed to her break up with you so you can meet a far more compatible woman. Have you considered that?
Give up. She has told you she's not in love with you and I can tell you when I had that sentiment toward an ex, no amount of pleading, pestering, flowers, poems, etc would have changed my mind, in fact it would really put me off him further as he would be showing he's become and emotional basket case. Not attractive at all.
You will have to cross that last reality when you get to it. My advice to you is to not pay attention. Do not attempt to track her, to find out if she's dating again, avoid it altogether.
Not to be too harsh here, but you sound like you have the emotional age of a young teen. You are living in your own head, in your own feelings, to the extent that you can't see beyond that. I know, we all live in our own heads and have our own feelings all the time, but a grown up does eventually grow to realize that other people feel different things and you can't always get your way.
You are throwing an emotional pity party for yourself. It's been a few months now, it is now time to find a counselor and work through why you are so latched on to a woman you only dated for 6 months.
I think you are more in love with the idea of her, the real her wasn't as into you as you imagined.
You were caught off guard because you were living in a fantasy of your own mind's creation. If you'd opened your eyes, became aware, looked at her as her own person and not an extension of your romantic self, you may have caught the clues that she was distancing.
I'm sorry but you do need to let her go, so you can live your own life. Try to spend less time imagining or making stuff up in your head and more time in the present moment. Experience the NOW, the right here, the present. You're following some narrative in your head and believing your mind's creations….
There are some books on my profile that may explain better what I mean, if you care to read them.
In the meantime, when a thought of her comes into your head, become aware of that. Pause for a moment then deeply inhale and gently exhale 10 times. Sit then and become aware of all the things around you, the sounds, sights, smells, textures, tastes. Reinhabit your body and spend less time in the fantasy realm your mind has created. When you do that successfully, you will find a peace that seems to be eluding you.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 April 2014):
For future reference, begging, pleading, flowers, etc, are all terrible ways to get someone to take you back when they tell you their feelings aren't that strong.
The best thing to do is realize that there will be other "loves of your life", and that if you were truly compatible, none of this would be happening. Walking away and forgetting about her will not only help you recover, it'll save what dignity you have remaining and possibly leave the door open for you two down the line.
I once was dumped by a girl who I was crazy for. I was heartbroken but I knew that I had to just leave her alone and move on. I didn't embarrass myself and a few weeks later she was begging me to come back. 10 years later she still wants me.
I've been fortunate enough to meet better women after each successive relationship because I learned more about myself and what I wanted in the women I was with. I'm now on my 4th love of my life and happily married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): I have been in your shoes and guess what its not worth humiliating yourself and setting yourself up for false hopes and dreams. You need to move on and start to be happy without her. Fake it if you have to and eventually you will be happy. You keep going at this rate, you will never allow yourself to love someone else and actually be happy. The only way to move on is let go and stop believing she is perfect, she is not perfect and does not deserve you, you deserve someone that truly loves you and want to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): You can't force someone to want love you. What are you fighting for? Her answer is NO!
If she chooses to be with someone else after breaking-up with you; that is none of your business. So deal with it like you deal with anything else that isn't any of your business.
Seek professional help, if you can't control your emotions or deal with being rejected.
To continue pursuing someone, following-up after they have rejected you; and have asked you to moved on, is punishing yourself. It could also be considered stalking.
If you go no-contact, and do not stalk Facebook or social media on her activities; you will get over her all the sooner. The less you know about what she's doing, the better off you are. The sooner you are able to move on.
You have gone overboard with how much you are so in-love with her. It's nice to be romantic; but you have to allow the other person you care for to catch up with you, and match your feelings.
It is very unnerving and off-putting; when someone
is acting obsessed and over-zealous about their feelings.
It almost seems unstable.
You can frighten women when you smother them with affection. They'll want to get away from you. In this case, she doesn't love you. So you have to accept that, and leave her alone.
She apparently is not the love of your life, because she doesn't return the feelings. You are infatuated. The love of your life has to reciprocate those feelings, in order to validate them.
You only knew her six months, and the way you're expressing such strong feelings, could be unsettling to her.
You have to take the breakup like a man. Leave her alone. Do not send flowers or attempt contact.
Continue bothering her, and you might upset her. If so, she will have every right to contact authorities; or anyone she feels will get the point across she wants to be left alone.
I am very sorry, but sometimes we get rejected; and our hearts get broken. That's life, part of being a man, and what we experience as adults.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (10 April 2014):
Time is the only thing that's going to help you get over her, I'm sorry to say.
But you MUST leave her alone. She has made herself clear. She does not love you. You can't make her love you. You probably are appearing pretty desperate to her now. Ya gotta stop. Move on to the best of your ability. It'll happen with time.
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