A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. Alright.. so I recently got engaged to a wonderful young man. There's only one problem. His ONLY interest seems to be videogames. I ask him what he's passionate about and he literally has no answer. All he does all day, every day is play world of warcraft and diablo3. Myself, on the other hand.. I enjoy dog training, painting, playing saxophone, singing, horseback riding, and yes, gaming. I too, am a gamer... but I game in moderation.. He doesn't work, he doesn't have any interest in anything. I ask him to come for walks with me and the dog, but he says walks without a destination are pointless... UGH i'm so frustrated.I've tried to get him involved in other things and encouraged him to get back into sports and outdoor activities but he shows no initiative. He's also gained a lot of weight.. which I know is an awful, shallow thing to bring up. But I'm losing my physical attraction to him as well :/ Don't get me wrong, I still love him, it's just.. he doesn't seem to care about himself anymore.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (17 April 2014):
This is normal for guys his age. While you may be ready for the long run and ready with high sense of commitment from being engaged, there is no need to rush yourself or force him to grow out of this age group.
You should expect this behavior from his age group. Nagging isn't going to help anything and will actually force him into more video games. You are expecting more from him, but he's just not there yet. He'll need to have some male motivational speaker to sort of give him better direction in his current lifestyle. I am a hundred percent sure he has barely found himself just yet anyway. Relax and smell the flowers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): I think it's escapism. I think he could easily be using games as a way to "hide" from responsibility and general life.
That, however, is not someone you want be engaged to. You're very young to be engaged and you'll find someone else, who WANTS to spend time with you, at some point and you'll wonder why you almost married a man who is married to his games.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 April 2014):
 OP you made a statement but you did not ask for advice.
If you want advice on how to get him to game less, I have nothing...
IF you are asking what you should do, well that's going to be your choice but, I advise you to break the engagement and start living your life the way you want... and let him know he's going to lose you because you will tire of being single.
And yes even if you are partnered with someone, if they are not emotionally or physically available then you are emotionally and physically single while living your life. You will be getting up and going to work while he sleeps late and gets up after noon to drink coffee and then go sit at his computer to game. You will get home from work and he will still be there, you will want to have dinner and he will eat fast food at the desk.... is this the life you want?
My husband is an online gamer. He used to do City of Heroes now he does GW2. He plays nearly every day BUT he works full time and supports himself (and our home) and he can skip a day or two as needed.
We also met playing BOARD GAMES and we go board gaming with others very frequently. To me this is different as we play as ourselves and we have to have social interaction.
Your concern needs to be that he's NOT working, he's totally addicted to gaming and he sees no need to be a fully functional human being contributing to society. He'd rather sit and play online fantasy games.
You are engaged...this will NOT get better.. in fact it will get worse.
If he's gaining weight at this young age by the time he's 30 he will have gained more weight, he will be totally out of shape and if he has not gotten an education or developed skills, he will be grossly and chronically unemployed at worst and UNDER employed at best.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (16 April 2014):
You know, you should really have a serious chit chat with your partner. Gaming is good in moderation, I know that myself now after years of hardcore gaming, but he is clearly overdoing it.
Talk to him about it, explain to him that you have nothing against him playing, but he should not forget doing stuff with you too. He is very disrespectfull and you should let him know that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I game and my husband does too. We have since '99. BUT it's not the priority of out life. Our family is. I may get on for a couple of hours here and there, my husband plays substantially more - mainly because he sleeps less then me. I need my 7-8 hours - he likes 5-6.
We used to play more (when the kids were small - after they went to bed).
For someone his age I think it's really unhealthy. Some games (like EQ, Wow, LOTRO, Skyrim and a few others) are VERY social besides the game and I think that Is a good thing for people who aren't good with social skills.
I think if he isn't working and living with/off his parents and all he does is game, he CAN end up being one of those 35 year old living in his parent's basement (or his room) who lives on junk food and rarely goes outside. Is that what you want for yourself as a partner?
I think YOU need to decide what you want out of the relationship and then talk to him.
I would sit him down (not while he is playing, I'd honestly ask him to log out a bit to talk) and explain that you MISS doing things OUTSIDE of the house and OUTSIDE of the game. If he doesn't make an effort to spend more time with you (and away from the game) I would consider that he is more interested and focused on the game ( it IS a nice escape from reality) then he is in you. My guess is he could be a little depressed. I mean he doesn't contribute ANYTHING to his parents for living there, he has no money to take you out (but obviously he has money for subscriptions...) He isn't in college/uni... What does he future really hold?
There is nothing wrong trying to have a conversation with someone who is more interested in "slaying" fictionally characters then interact with you.
Why did you get engaged? I mean do actually SEE a future with this guy? How will you two live together? If he has no job, no interest in working?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 April 2014):
 You had to have known about his gaming when you agreed to get engaged? Is it just now sinking in now that you've locked yourself into a future with him?
I don't blame you at all for how you feel. That would be an enormous turn off for me. I couldn't be with someone who had no initiative or desire to do anything for themselves or have any interests. I'm a very driven, hard-working person, so laziness is NOT a quality I will tolerate.
If he doesn't work, what the hell does he do, exactly?? Who pays his bills? It sounds like he's way too immature to be contemplating marriage if he can't even be a big boy and pay his own bills and take care of himself.
I would be worried about a future with a person like this. But that's just me. As I said, I want a partner equally as driven and motivated as myself. I want a nice, comfortable life. Not one where my partner is lazy and mooches off of me. I have dreams and goals and aspirations. And won't be with an unemployed gamer. lol.
Anyway, I would do some real soul-searching and thinking about your future. You're engaged to be married; that means forever. Well, ideally, anyway. Is this the type of man you want to spend forever with?
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I too am a very big gamer! I love gaming and I think its great, but like you I game in moderation. I don't see how some people can do it day in and day out. However from what i've learnt from a friend who is so addicted to gaming that he is morbidly obese and has no social life, is that some gamers use games as an escape. Some people get so into the game, they like to think they are living the life of the player, so its kinda like reading a book, it distracts you and takes you away from all of your own problems. So maybe thats what he is doing with games? Does have any problems that are bothering him or does he just not like socializing? The friend who I know who is so addicted to games he doesn't have much of life out side of the gaming world, plays these games so much because he is lonely and pretty much socially inept, so he uses the games to avoid facing the problems he has with his own life. So he uses them to distract him from the fact he has lots of problems he needs to deal with, do you think this could be the case with your fiancée? I think you should take a gentle approach with this (at first anyway) I think you should sit him down and ask him if he's okay, ask him if there is anything on his mind that he's worried about, and if he is certain there isn't, you need to be brutally honest and tell him how you feel, tell him you want him to do things with you, tell him you feel he's so addicted to games he's avoiding doing anything else, tell him you want to spend quality time with him and do something fun and make sure you get it across to him that you are un-happy with the amount of time he spends gaming. Hopefully once you have been honest with him he will understand and shape up and do whats best, and just to make it fair you should try and arrange a day with him where you both do something you like all day, and then for the next day you could both buy a multiplayer game and spend the day playing that together (Dead Island is a great mutiplayer game, highly suggest it!), so then you get the best of both worlds :) I really hope this works out for you, and I really hope he does listen to what you have to say, and hopefully if he loves you as much as he should, he will happily swap the controller for you :) Good luck x
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