A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:caught my daughter (15) using my vibrater she finished then came to me she said that had sex once and did not like it she like pleasing her self better than she asked if I could get her a vibrated of her own an teach or help her to makes sure she is doing it right.then she said she looked it up but all info just showed hard core porn. So I talked to my husband about it and he freaked out said no to everything she shouldn't even be touching herself. What to do ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): Fifteen-year-old teenagers, and even younger, are becoming sexual human beings. Not a problem. Masturbation is normal.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 April 2014):
 I mean the appropriate time and place NOW, such as in the shower when no one else is waiting to use it or in her room with her door closed. The toys come later (pardon the pun) when she's old enough and earning the money to buy them herself.
It's good that she's able to come to you with this and I would certainly encourage her to keep you in the loop, but you don't need to buy her trust with sex toys.
For what it's worth, a vibrator will not reduce her chances of being used for sex or becoming an unwed mother. Far more information about sex is available today than before, to kids of all ages, and yet there are more abortions, unwed single mothers, STDs and girls/women being used for sex than ever.
The key to your daughter's well being and overall happiness is not between her legs.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (14 April 2014):
I agree with SVC in that you should not have involved your husband in this. This is mother/daughter domain. Men have enough issues with women's sexuality and they're often times no more insightful or rational when it comes to their daughters'.
Where I disagree is in taking her to an adult sex shop to buy her a vibrator. This is not like getting her fitted for her first bra or taking her to buy tampons. I don't think it's even legal and I'm sure the staff and other patrons would find it off putting.
Your role, as her mother, is to prepare her for adulthood by arming her with information and providing her with the necessities. A vibrator is a luxury that adults who work and can afford buy for themselves. It's not your place to bankroll your daughter's orgasms.
Your daughter is free to enjoy her body at the appropriate time and place, and she can do it the same way the rest of us have throughout the ages. When she's old enough and she's earning her own money she can treat herself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 April 2014):
 OP I'm older than your husband and I think he reacted incorrectly.
I'm actually sorry you went to him... this was NONE of his concern. YOUR daughter trusts you enough to come to you with something that has to be very hard for teens.
When my former stepdaughter was living with me as a teen I very quietly took her aside and discussed masturbation (and why she should feel free to do so and instructed her on the fine art of hand held water massage shower heads)
Her father used to ask me "WHY does she spend SO MUCH TIME IN THE SHOWER?" I would l just smile and say "she likes to be squeaky clean"
Masturbation is normal. Babies IN UTERO are seen touching their genitalia. There is no right age for it to begin.. it's when the person feels ready.
I was masturbating to orgasm before I even finished puberty. I just did not know that's what i was doing, I called it the tickle... out of the mouths of innocents huh?
Personally I would get her a copy of "Our Bodies OURSELVES" and let her read that to start... and if she wants a vibrator and you are comfy with it (seems you are) either go online with her and help her pick one or take her to the adult toy store (if you are permitted to take her in legally I can't recall if they can go in with an adult or not) and let her pick something.
I love a small pocket rocket... about 30 dollars, small size, takes 1 AA battery (we buy rechargables)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): I think you should, OP, she's at the age where she is exploring sex, you may aswell guide her in that safely.
No matter what your husband thinks she will explore that side of things and you can either let porn be her teacher, with its very skewed version of sex that makes women nothing more than just fuck toys for men or you can point her in the direction of safety, how a man should treat a woman sexually, how to get what she wants etc.
You also need to teach her better discretion when it comes to masturbating.
OP she's curious about these things, she will experiment and explore her sexuality, now you can either force her to do that behind your back or you can be her guide. Find her better sex guides online, teach her how unrealistic and damaging porn is an example of sex.
OP her masturbatory habits are none of your husband's business. She needs to know it's not bad to explore herself but it's a very private thing that must be kept private.
As the others said, OP, teach her the joys of the clitoris instead of ramming things inside her. She hasn't exactly gotten her ideas from the best source in that regard.
Just make this about you and her though, OP, there's no need to bring your husband into this. Are you going to discuss her menstrual cycle with him too? No, some things should just be between a mother and her daughter.
I would strongly recommend you steer her in the direction of proper educational guides online specifically directed at women. Not nonsense stuff like Cosmo but proper guides.
Just remember, OP, by helping her you're not promoting the idea of her having sex, she'll do that on her own no matter what you do, she's a teenager. May aswell arm her with the right knowledge, the last thing you want is her to try and emulate porn like it sounds she did the first time she tried sex.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 April 2014):
 It is healthy and safe alternative to flopping in bed with the first guy that "promises he'll take care of her "needs" so where's the downside?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2014):
 Good for her that she can talk openly to you about this. And good for her that she doesn't find ANYTHING wrong in masturbating.
I'd tell her to stay clear of porn & sex for now. For the simple reason that she is so YOUNG and easy to influence. And let's face it, most porn isn't made for the very young OR for women.
Secondly, I'm not big on insertion toys SPECIALLY not for someone that young, it just makes me a little skeeved out. I know it's called a "toy" but I generally don't think they are for kids, at 15 she is still a kid.
I would look for something for EXTERNAL use (aka a buzz buzz) for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): Maureen1979 to answer with my husband we had a talk about it all after I sent him more information that was teens an sex he told me when he was young an any of brothers or sister asked they was always told they was to young to be asking that. On in my early 30's he is late 40's so I look at things different for my parents was very opened with me. Our daughter is from another person I was with but I got with my husband right after I had her so he has raised her as his own. We do have one more daughter that is his first. And with that we have been together for 15 year an I'm the 3 woman he has ever been with. So that's way he feels that she is to young. Then with masterbation no he don't like it with us an when I need to handle that I do it by myself. He's likes that basic.Now I have had so many talks my daughter were it was just me an her. She has been somewhat open about things but she just told me about having sex with the only person and they used protection thank god but with her she said she been masterbating but after a little while she wanted to know how it feel with a penis. So she did it and told me how bad it was. She was in my things an found the vibrater an has used it more then once an like that better but she never said anything to me tell I walked in on her doing it that's when the hole talk about me getting her own with that she said she wanted to ask but thought I would be mad because with her best friend open up to her mom she flipped out over it bad bad bad so when that friend told her about that that's when she tought I would be. And about the porn she said it was to see how to use one an she found how to clean it. So I hate that I walked in on her but glad her an I talked but with the toy its now gone and she asked me about getting her own. I did talk to my husband first about it an some of the things she going throw not all but she came to me and asked about it again. Still was unsure about getting one for her without him knowing but I didn't want him ever finding it or run across an be issues between us. So I was just looking online about other ways to handle this. So I posted this question looking for help any other time I would of went to my mom but she pasted away a few years ago. And thanks for your answer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): "So I talked to my husband about it and he freaked out said no to everything she shouldn't even be touching herself."
Boys younger than her start masturbating in secret. Your daughter was just honest and comfortable enough to bring it up to you. Your husband probably started touching himself when he was fifteen. There is no reason why your daughter should not explore her sexuality and learn about her body. The more educated she is about sex, the more responsible she will be about it in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): I don't think you should have told your hubby; she told you in confidence - it's not something you want your dad to know.
I asked mine and she didn't get me one, but I waited until 18, got one and very rarely use it.
I'd move the computer to public room only so your daughter isn't in danger of predators or porn (until she's 18), then buy her a bullet. It's cheap, safe and basic.
Then keep your own to yourself, preferably locked away after it's cleaned with wipes.
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