A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got rejected by a guy a couple of weeks ago who I thought I really liked and I deleted him off facebook straight away. We haven't spoken since then and I've had time to realise now that I don't want him romantically, but I do want to be friends in the future. How long should I leave it before I add him back as a friend on FB?
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female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (21 June 2014):
 Why are you so keen on adding him back? Since he rejected your overtures,what if he blocks you or rejects your friend request? Even if he accepts you,will you be able to cope when romantic photos of him and another girl appear on your wall? Don't give yourself unnecessary heartache.
If you are going to be Facebook friends again,let him send you a friend request.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 June 2014):
 Sorry I'm a day late with this, your follow up indicates that you indeed will not be happy with a just friends relationship. You are using facebook as a toe in the door. There is no point in this. First face book is nothing. All it could mean in this context is a way to tease him in hopes of getting the attention of a man you are not romantically interested in. Save your energy for an important relationship, not some schmuck who rejected you because he would have to make a public commitment.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I'm with Tisha. After your follow up the whole thing is about making YOU feel better... and that's not a good idea.
let this one go... use the experience to learn from it and make changes in the future going forward with new folks
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
 So you feel like a failure and hope that adding this guy as a friend on FB will make it all better? What if he doesn't accept your friend request and blocks you instead? Wouldn't that make you feel even worse?
I would just let this one go. If you have mutual friends you could express your desire to reconnect as friends only, but do not hold your breath. You wanted to be more than friends and he knows that. He could be very leery of adding you back as a friend because it may give you the wrong impression.
I understand about wanting to rewind time but as you know, that doesn't happen. It's a self-taught life lesson that for some reason, you decided you needed at this point in time. Maybe it's time you need to learn to let go and make healthier choices for yourself and your inner wise woman is trying to get you to see that. Maybe it's a wakeup call that you are spending too much time socializing on FB and need to focus on real life friendships with people you can actually see face to face on a regular routine basis and not just some scattered meet ups.
Look, you were brave to express your feelings for him. That's a good thing, that you can do that. You risked something, it didn't work out the way you hoped, but you were able to get that out.
I would question your realization that you don't want him romantically, after so short a time. I think what you are hoping is that rewind of time and to go back to the possibility of you two becoming more than friends. The problem with that is you've now clarified that with him.
There are lots of people out there to be friends with. Why this particular guy?
Your validation as a person who matters and who is worthwhile should come from within, not from a FB friend/crush. Don't hand over this validation to other people, especially not this particular guy at this particular point in time.
Let it go. Breathe through the pain. Sit and experience the feelings of loss and embarrassment and rejection. Because these too shall pass. You will get through this short period of awkward unhappy feelings. Don't do things now on impulse. Relax. Things will be okay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was basically a FB relationship, although we'd met a few times, but the rejecting happened on the phone. I guess I still want to be friends because I hate feeling like I've totally screwed something up. I figured that if we can at least be friends on FB, there is a chance we could still be friends in the future...? That's kind of important to me! Also, we were chatting loads for months and it was great. It just feels weird now to have nothing after all that. I know I made a mistake in coming on too strong towards the end, but I'm getting over that now and I guess I want to rewind time (I know - impossible) and go back to how it was before so I don't feel like a total failure...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I'm with FA.
Though I don't get why you feel you need to ADD him back. UNLESS you two start BEING friend (off Facebook) what's the point in adding him? To boost your "friends" number on Facebook?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2014):
Were you rejected on FB or in real life, face-to-face? I ask because if this was a FB-based relationship then adding him back on FB will just throw up a red flag to him that you are having some trouble letting him go.
If you were rejected IRL FTF then wait until you run into him again and have a conversation before you try to add him back as a FB friend.
How old is he?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 May 2014):
Old guys opinion about social media.
The answer to your question is: you should wait until you have had a conversation with him and explained to him what you have so well communicated to us. Probably face to face but possibly on the phone. If he is unapproachable then an email could be used to set up a call.
Facebook is the conversational equivalent of a drive by shooting. Noisy, public and not likely to hit the right target.
The point here is to apologize for your very human mistake, and assure him that it won't happen again. Then he can begin to trust you again. That is how you can have him back as a friend. If in fact that is what you really want.
FA
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