A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok my question is how do i get over a relationship that i just got betrayed and put all my effort into. i feel heartbroken and miserable every night i have been drinking every day and i still cant get over this. i look on social media and she is posting that she is having a good time and i get angry and i want to get revenge and hook up with someone in front of her. i know its immature but i just do t know how to react to someone who betrayed me and my trust , i feel helpless and misarable , i just want her out of my head and i cant seem to make it happen , things are boring to me. my life was exciting when she was around for sone reason , and i know you cant say oh someone can not dictate your happiness , But i feel that i was so happy , im older now and i wanted to settle down , and i guess she didnt and it just kills me now im alone and i neglected all my friends in the process its just an overa nightmare , i want it to be all over , i want to be happy again , i feel like i dont even care about my carrer anymore its like tge food the wine it dont taste the same , i want to be happy again what can i do to get over her ? I feel like its not over but sge choose to say i love you and if we are neant to be we will be but i dont want to wait i just dont know
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heartbroken, I love you, immature, revenge, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2014):
 IT sucks when we give our all and it’s not returned. It destroys us and makes us wonder if it’s worth putting our hearts out there. It is.
You don’t say how long ago you two ended but time is a great wound healer.
Drinking will not fix this. It won’t even mask the pain. Stop drinking daily to make the pain go away. IF you need to get some counseling to help you cope do so.
STOP looking on social media for her. IN fact, block her on all social media. Delete her number from your phone, block her email from your accounts etc. You have to act like she does not exist. Anything of hers you have and any pictures you have you can either box up and put away in storage for later on or throw out. But you must stop 100% having any contact with her or trying to have any contact with her.
You know all the right things.. you are just sad and grieving your loss and that ok.. but stop wallowing and making it worse.
You will be happy again. This I promise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-got-dumped-and-i-know-how-.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
Read these, I hope you'll feel better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): First, stop stalking her on social media and you'll end some of the torture.
Before I say another word in this post. Please stop with the alcohol. It only makes you feel worse and do stupid things. It will get you into trouble and ruin your life.
The pain you feel is only exasperated by self-medicating with alcohol, which is a depressant. You realize you don't feel any better afterward anyway. So please stop.
Getting over someone takes time, and it's an agonizing process. I noticed that a lot of other posts were answered and yours was overlooked. Not because no one cares; but because it is the most common topic the agony aunts and uncles receive.
I was where you are last year this time; so I couldn't just ignore your post. Knowing just how miserable you must feel.
I got dumped 4/27/13. It never happened to me before. Imagine that! I've never dumped anyone; so that will be a new experience as well. I was in a 28 year relationship after coming out as a gay man. So I hardly dated prior to that relationship. He passed away. Thereafter; I avoided having a love-life. I traveled, enjoyed friends, and reconnected with family. That was enough.
I got dumped by the guy I finally decided to allow myself to open my feelings to. Years after avoiding committed relationships. Go figure! He helped me to feel again. For that, I'm thankful. We had a wonderful 10 months. From the beginning, to the tragic dump scene. Not even over a fight!
To get over my pain, as I pushed through my grief. I wrote a series of articles for DC. I incorporated the sentiments expressed by readers; and I gave my own accounts of my emotions as I struggled through being dumped. To be eventually told by a friend, my ex was seen on vacation with someone else. I never followed up to find out what he was doing, I focused on getting over him instead. That's what you should be doing.
I'm the last guy to tell you it's an easy process. Man, it's hell; and I wouldn't wish it on an enemy. You have to stop obsessing over her memory, because it's useless. It's sadistic to read her updates; knowing you should be moving forward with your own life. In a way, she's trying to rub your nose in it, to help you to care less about her. She feels guilty, and it would be easier on her knowing you hate her. Not still stressing and agonizing over her.
As I write this to you, I can reach into my own feelings and experience; and truthfully tell you, it gets better.
I have days that I wonder what he's doing. If the other person makes him happier? That's none of my business, and my life is no longer connected to his.
He told me I deserved someone better. He never says what he doesn't mean. It took quite sometime for that to actually sink-in. I felt it was just one of those cliche remarks people make as they stomp on your heart, and send it through the grinder. It makes them feel better, not you.
You grew very close, so the detachment is painful. It's like tearing your heart from your chest. You feel weak. As if you wasted a ton of feelings. Like it was never real, and you feel embarrassed for being so stupid. You feel like they must be laughing at us; when talking about us to their friends. No, we were good to them. They will tell others how we cared so much for them.
Even if they never speak of us again, their heart knows people who care so much aren't easy to find. The reality is, their time with us came to an end. We were not the guys they wanted to be with for the long-run. I have accepted that. I met someone almost a month ago; he is truly a fine individual. I am not opening up any romantic feelings just yet, but I am comfortable. I am capable of feeling, and I am balanced. You will know what I mean in a few more agonizing months.
Be strong, and allow your feelings to flow. Fight
depression. Be mindful of your health, and be sure you eat properly. Your grief will lie to you; and tell you to abuse yourself. You must love yourself again. Become your best friend. You are a walking self-improvement project.
Get your lazy ass to the gym and work up a sweat. Reconnect with your friends you've neglected. You think they'll be pissed-off and turn their backs. Well, even if they do; you owe them an apology, and don't be surprised if you're forgiven.
You still have a family. They know you inside and out. They love you in spite of your faults and quirks. They miss you when you don't keep in-touch. It is energizing when you spend time with them, and catch up on things you've missed. To get a hug from your parents, and feel the love.
You've swam in a pool of tears. Drowned yourself in alcohol, and you've had a tremendous pity party. Now it is time to regain your freedom, and remind yourself what it feels like just to have a good day.
You deserve it, my friend. Guys like us, our feelings run deep. So when we hurt, we hurt deep. So I took this time to bring you comfort. You can go to a grief counselor and talk out your feelings. Avoid drinking while you're depressed and alone. That is doing yourself harm. Self-destructive behavior.
You found her, you lost her. Now prepare for someone better. It's time to heal. You've suffered enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2014): I think you're still in shock from her betrayal- I haven't yet been betrayed by someone I'm in love with, but men I've been mad about HAVE treated me badly. I pined for months, over a year for one of them, and you know what one day I just had kindof an epiphany- as in WHY is someone who emotionally abuses you is worthy of my feelings? Somebody who thinks that people deserve to have their hearts screwed around with? They're just not worth the pain... I've found after many years people are t the people we think they are, and it's the worst when we're exposed to such hurtful truths. One day you WILL have this epiphany, and it'll take some time for this to dawn on you. Just take it easy, you must be pretty traumatised, and definitely don't be scared of crying it all out. It'll help the healing process... You're in a sort of mourning process, and it would be beneficial to be around GOOD friends and family to support you, so you can boost yourself out. Of this dark phase...Maybe try cycling? It's good for when you feel really depressed. And also taking therapies, can definitely relieve your pain and make you see things from a different perspective, for what they really are . It helped me a lot.Take care and hope I've helped some :)
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