A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI was sort of knowing a girl and dating her but I felt she was a bit cold and distant so I thought she's not interested and moved on! To tell you further, I actually liked her a lot and it was sort of heartbreaking to move on! Surely it took some time after which I was better!After a month , she started texting me and writing me again and we should catch up! I always came up with an excuse and only replied what she asked! I had moved on and trying to run away ...Now, she's coming to same course which I study so we get to see each other around so lately we have started hanging out a bit! Hardly ten to fifteen minutes before I make an excuse. I can actually tell you she likes hanging out with me but NEVER admits to it, she's always very discreet about such information so even she likes me, she wouldn't say it at all!My question is why some lasses follow you around when you give up on them ? She could have me before and now I'm not so sure .. Why some people do that?Secondly, is it worth giving her another chance or I am calling for a heartbreak ? What should I do ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I don't see a need to say anything to her..
if she asks you out decline
other than that just get on with your life.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
 Can you manage being friendly without being friends? That's what I would do, but this would be based on your own comfort with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers everyone for insight !
Really appreciate it!
I suppose I am done with her now as I'm planning on going on a date this Saturday with another lass.
You all have been a great help!
By the way, should I just tell the girl I can't be friends with her anymore or just lay back ?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
The bottom line for me is that she likes you a bit but not enough. I'd carry on being cordial but do not put any eggs in this particular basket any longer. She's not into you in the way you would like. She's proven that again and again.
It's not worth even trying to work out why she is the way she is. She just is. She's not going to be your girlfriend, so why bother analyzing her any longer?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2014):
I'm torn between what Honeypie has said and what CMMP has said.
it's either of the two
so that does not answer your question as to why she is doing it but the answer to
'should we give it another go" either way is NO...
if she has friend zoned you then it won't work
and if it's all a subconscious (or even conscious) game to her then once you are interested she will back off again.
let it lay as friends nothing more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): No, I wouldn't give her another chance. The reason people do this is what CMMP said. And it's not just women, men do it too. Generally it's people with low self esteem. You don't want to be with an insecure person, anyway. They are so much work.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (29 May 2014):
It depends what you mean when you say she was cold and distant. I dated a guy once who was very full on from the start - texting, calling, wanting to see me constantly, inviting himself to stay at mine and just generally rushing things. That freaked me out and I backed right off, explaining that I needed space. He started to back off too and I really appreciated that. It gave me a chance to miss him and realise I wanted to see more of him. However, it turns out he was only backing off because he'd moved on. He thought I was playing games with him I think, but the fact was he was expecting way too much from me at the start, and I need time to get to know someone slowly. So maybe she's like me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): This is you as well isn't it? From the follow-up page
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/whats-the-best-way-to-deal-with-a.html
This has been going on a long time.
I've replied to your follow-up
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 May 2014):
I've found that when people are rejected their self esteem demands them to try and change your mind so that they feel accepted again. As soon as you accept her she'll lose interest.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2014):
 Sorry it seems like my computer or connection decided to stutter..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2014):
I think she likes you as a friend. You were a familiar face at school, someone she felt "safe" being around.
Does it means she wants to date you? It's really hard to say. The fact that she seems friendly and nothing more would make me think that she sees you as a friend.
She knows you MOVED on once because she didn't SHARE her feeling with you (which made you think she was cold and distant) so IF she was looking to date you now, don't you think she would SHARE what she feels?
Did you two talk about what happened at all? Did y'all clear the air? Or did you just stop talking to her and she did likewise and then when she started school you two started talking again?
My guess is she has friendzoned you.
The reason she started talking to you again could be because she likes to have a guy (whom she KNOWS like her) hang around, she likes you as a friend and having a friendly face when you start in school is nice.
You won't know unless you talk to her.
If I was a betting person, I'd bet on her not wanting to date again though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2014):
I think she likes you as a friend. You were a familiar face at school, someone she felt "safe" being around.
Does it means she wants to date you? It's really hard to say. The fact that she seems friendly and nothing more would make me think that she sees you as a friend.
She knows you MOVED on once because she didn't SHARE her feeling with you (which made you think she was cold and distant) so IF she was looking to date you now, don't you think she would SHARE what she feels?
Did you two talk about what happened at all? Did y'all clear the air? Or did you just stop talking to her and she did likewise and then when she started school you two started talking again?
My guess is she has friendzoned you.
The reason she started talking to you again could be because she likes to have a guy (whom she KNOWS like her) hang around, she likes you as a friend and having a friendly face when you start in school is nice.
You won't know unless you talk to her.
If I was a betting person, I'd bet on her not wanting to date again though.
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