A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and with a 34 year old man a year and half. Please don't comment on the age gap , I prefer older men. About 3 months ago I met his cousin who is 31 for the first time. He told me a lot about this guy how he cheated on his now wife when they were first dating and has had many relationships. I got to meet them a lot more and they seemed lovely despite that. I always noticed he looked me up and down a lot the times previous to that but ignored. We then went out on a night out with them we all got a bit tipsy however in the hallway of the bar his cousin told me I am very attractive and he fancied me rotten. I laughed nervously and walked away. We then went to their house 2 weeks later and had wine i had to admit i found him attractive myself , when i went upstairs in their house to go to the bathroom he was outside waiting pretending he had to fetch something upstairs. He called me over grabbed my face and kissed me i was drunk and stupidly kissed him back until his wife called him. He began to text me that he was sorry the next day that it was a mistake. We didn't stay in contact until a family gathering where things got awkward it was then i knew and he knew we were getting feelings for each other even though i love my boyfriend so much and i don't want to admit it to myself that i have feelings for this other man .He told me he hadn't stopped thinking of me the 2 weeks and i have been the same, we then began texting al the time and ended up booking a hotel where we had sex continuously and everything was so passionate incredible.He began buying me flowers and telling his wife he had work up the country while i told my boyfriend i was going out with friends. I cant stop thinking of him but I don't know how to end it. He has a son and every time i see him i feel guilty despite i am falling in love. He tells me his son is going no where he will always be there for him but i feel i need to end it despite our mutual feelings. I need advice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 Ok who cares how old anyone is... take out the ages... and it still comes down to this
I am with a man and have been with him for 18 months.
I THINK I love him but yet I'm willing to be sexual with other man who is MARRIED and CHEATING on his wife while I CHEAT on my boyfriend with him.
This cheater and I are both LYING to our partners about it.
My advice: stop fooling around with the married man
tell your boyfriend what you did and let him decide if he can even manage to forgive you or end it. Either way be gracious and accept his decision.
Use this experience to learn why you did what you did and how not to make the same mistake again.
A woman who is TRULY in love and happy will NOT cheat (same for a man). EVEN if sex is lousy with your partner you have made a commitment and don't break that commitment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): I *will* mention the age gap because I do think it's relevant. Your "boyfriend" (MANfriend) started dating a girl, not a woman. That is questionable in itself on his part. However, he's stuck it out for a year and a half (hopefully faithfully) and here you are being childish and showing your level of maturity or lack of. You KNOW what to do and, if you don't, you need to stop dating until you do.
As you are being so immature and naively believing this cheater, he's using it to his advantage. If he really felt anything for you beyond free sex, he would leave his wife - IF he is a decent person, that is. Same goes for you? Are YOU a decent person? If you want to cling on to this married man, at least stop dragging your boyfriend through it and break up with him.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 May 2014):
 You don't want us to comment on the age difference. Ok, fair enough. The facts are: 1. He's married. 2. You cheated. 3. He cheated. You knew he was married and yet you let things happen anyways. Why is that? If you REALLY loved your boyfriend as you say, you would have stopped this man right from the start. You didn't. Then you WILLINGLY let things turn into an affair.
What do you do? End things with your boyfriend. People who REALLY love someone don't cheat. Plain and simple. They talk, they work things out, or they end things.
You want to be treated as an adult, fair enough. Act like one. Don't get involved with a married man and then act like you don't know what to do. You are old enough to know right from wrong.
Where do you expect things to go? You know this man has cheated in the past. Do you think you are different? You aren't. You are his "flavor of the month". Once he gets tired of you, he'll move on. He's a serial cheater. Lust, attraction aside..he's a CHEATER.
Blood is normally thicker than water. Let's say your boyfriend finds out. Once he gets past the anger, he probably won't take your side. Its very possible he and his cousin will turn it all around like its your fault. Are you ready for this?? I've seen it happen. Family tends to stick together no matter what.
Stop cheating. Break up with the boyfriend. Get yourself an older man, by all means, you are allowed to like older men. A SINGLE man..not married.
You are young and perhaps got involved too quickly and now you want to spread your wings. Its certainly understandable. It doesn't mean you get to cheat. Think about what all the other aunts/uncles have said. Do you really want to be the other woman? Its a sad lonely life.
One final remark. There's an old expression.."If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you." Think about it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2014):
 Sorry, I accidentally sent that before I was finished. My whole point is that what you are participating in/have participated in would/will devistate and destroy your boyfriend. The fact that it's his own family member actively partaking in the betrayal makes it all the worse. It's unforgivable - on both sides - you and his cousin.
You definitely need to end it with this man (his cousin), as he's a married man. And I honestly think you need to tell your boyfriend. You will probably lose him but he deserves to know what a shitty person his cousin is. And if you don't tell him, word will most likely come out at some point down the line. And that will make it even worse. I think what has taken place is a death sentence for your relationship. And it's a death sentence to his relationship with his cousin. It's honestly really unfortunate this happened. Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2014):
First, I want to address the fact that you say you love your boyfriend so much. If this is true, you certainly aren't showing it very well, by making a fool of him with his own family member. When you truly love someone, you can't ever imagine cheating on them. If you loved your boyfriend as much as you think you did, you would have never kissed his cousin back that one night and would have immediately told your boyfriend what had happened. And you certainly wouldn't have booked a hotel and slept with him over and over. Love isn't deceiving in that way. I'm not judging you. Your decisions are your decisions to make. But something is obviously very wrong for you to be sleeping with another man behind your boyfriends back.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 May 2014):
 Is the comment that you prefer 'older men' some sort of code for "I will be happy to succumb to older men's inappropriate advances despite the fact that I have a boyfriend"?
So, taking the age gap out of the question, as you asked, I would tell anyone who is cheating on their partner of a year and a half to decide if they are really ready to be in that relationship. Because if they are having mad passionate sex with someone after only 18 months with their partner then chances are that they have chosen poorly and are coming up with the ultimate selfish passive-aggressive way of breaking up with them.
You need advice?
Okay, end the affair and be a faithful girlfriend with some integrity.
Can't manage to do that?
Then set the boyfriend free to find love with a woman who can manage that.
Though, as I reflect on this, perhaps part of this is that you decided that you were ready to commit at barely over 17... not really an adult and even at 19, not showing the signs of maturity and self-knowledge that most of us reach by age 24 or so.
So, I guess it's not really surprising that a 30+ man who is dating a teenager will find that she's not really grown up enough to be in a truly committed relationship.
My advice: stop cheating. If you can't manage that, break up with the boyfriend. Just because you like older men doesn't mean you get the green light to lie to people.
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