A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. I'm in need of some opinions. I've been with my girlfriend for approaching two years now. We have a very loving and healthy relationship. And we are very compatible. We have discussed future marriage and kids and our lives together, in general. That being said, before my gf and I met, she always had dreams of traveling the world and joining the peace corps. She saw herself settling down, getting married and having kids after that. Since we got together, she said that all changed because she didn't expect to meet me before doing all of those things. She said that because of that, she wanted to reconsider joining the corps and find something local so we could be together instead. I always informed her I would support her in whatever she choose to do, even if she wanted to join the peace corps. But she said she wanted to stay close to me. Well yesterday, she tells me that she's changed her mind and realizes that she does want to pursue her passions/ dreams and join after all, once she finishes school in a year. She said she just realized that she feels that this is something she is called to do and will feel as though she missed out on an experience that's really important to her if she doesn't join. And that since it has always been a passion of hers, she doesn't want to lose the opportunity. I told her I completely support her and that if it makes her happy, then in am very happy for her. I asked her if she wanted to try to stay together while she's gone once she leaves. She said of course she does. That she sees her future with me and just views it only as a temporary amount of time apart when we have our whole lives together. My question is, is it possible to make this relationship last while she's in the peace corps? That's two full years and she will most likely be halfway across the world. Is it even feasible? I need some opinions on the matter. I love her so much and I know she loves me, too. Thanks guys. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2014):
 ok so you guys are together for almost 2 years now
and you have yet another year together before she finishes school and does her 2 year PC stint....
and then she will be committed to the PC for two years. In that time you can go see her or she can come home and see you at least a few times.
IF you are truly committed to each other and plan to spend your lives together then 2 years apart is painful and sucks but in this case would be very manageable.
Now it's true that the experience will change her and you and it's also possible you two will grow apart due to the distance BUT you could fall apart anyway in the next three years whether she goes or not.
If you love her maturely and she loves you maturely as well... then give it a shot... but know that it's no fun to hug a telephone
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (30 May 2014):
 Hello from a rainy UK,
Im sorry you have been put into this situation and it must be hard for you right now to know how to feel and what to think.
I think you both need to think long and hard about this situation. On one hand it would be unfair for you to try to stop her going and fulfilling her dream, on the other it would be unfair of her to expect you to wait around two years for here return. This is a bit of a no win situation really for this relationship.
I'm guessing from what you said about her being at school in a year that she is possibly younger than you? If that is the case then its often the problem in relationships that the older person is settled and knows that they want to make commitments, the younger person is still experiencing changing emotions, still developing as a person and therefore more fluid in their future plans and ambitions. When we are younger, what we want now is often different to what we want a year or so down the line.
Whatever the reasons I do think its a little naïve of her to simply state that this is a temporary time away from you and then she will offer you a future together upon her return. Inevitably, when she does leave for those two years, she will be fulfilling a dream and doing something exciting and worthwhile, you on the other hand will surely feel neglected, lonely, less of a priority, maybe be insecure about what will happen when she returns and of course possibly wondering if she is being faithful. You may feel jealous that she is fulfilling her ambition while you are basically left behind, its the way people do think in that situation.
Loving someone isn't enough. For a relationship to work I cannot see how two years away from each other can possibly work out realistically without a huge gamble and risk for your both. Im sorry if im telling you something you don't want to hear, but the issue I have is that if she goes away doing this work for two years, you don't really know what kind of person she will be when she returns. She could come back as a different person as her two years experience shape her views on the world around her, give her a different outlook on life and create different needs. Or you may change over that time and she doesn't. Either way I think to pick up where you left of after two years away is not going to be easy in any way, shape or form.
She may come back after that time knowing you are the right one for her and wanting to settle down with you, or she may quickly realise the distance and time apart has made her move on from you enough not to want to try again when she returns. Or, equally, you may move on during the time apart and she comes back after two years feeling stronger than ever. Plus it is only natural for you to feel rejected, not her top priority and feeling that she has chosen a life without you, at least for now, over commitment to you. She has her life to lead and is doing the right thing, but its a big ask of you to wait two years for her.
All you can do is speak to her openly and honestly and judge form that whether you both want to try and make it work or go your separate ways. Don't ask her to give up her dream, but do ask her to be honest and truthful about her feelings and plans for the long term upon her return.
She needs to consider your feelings on this as simply saying it is simply a temporary break leading to long term commitment is unrealistic. She cant have it both ways.
If you do decide to stay together it will be hard. She will be meeting new people, experiencing new things, having a great time and discovering herself. Sorry if that rubs your nose in it but its true. You will be feeling pretty shit, lonely and rejected. You will have to be pretty thick skinned to deal with that. You will also have to have a lot of trust and be willing to wait around a long time. It may work, but I think if you give it ago it will get to a point where one, or both of you, decides its best not to go on.
Mark
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