A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so I am a little confused on my situation..my ex and I are not together, yet we are in this cycle of not talking, then talking, hooking up, meeting up while we are out, then not talking again for a week or two. he is well aware that I love him and I guess ive kind of accepted and allowed this behavior to continue. he always tells me different things like. I love you but im not in love with you. I love you but I cant be a good boyfriend right now im too busy. I don't want to commit to anyone right now. and so on. we were in a serious relationship for a couple years prior but it just fell apart. when we are together we have amazing conversation we get each other like no one else does and we have amazing sex. what is his deal? is this bipolar behavior or has this turned into just a casual sex thing? do guys ever come around? helppp
View related questions:
I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): this is definetly casual sex thing & is only because you let it happen.you better end it before you get hurt,the guy is getting what he want from you so he's never going to commit to you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): Easy sex with no commitment.
A young man's heaven.....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): "do guys ever come around?"
Not when there's no incentive to do so.
There's no reason for him to make any effort when you're already giving him what he wants.
If you're willing to continue putting out for him then he's willing to continue stringing you along for casual sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 May 2014):
 You ask: "....is this bipolar behavior or has this turned into just a casual sex thing? do guys ever come around?..."
Answers: It's NOT "bipolar" behaviour... it's "guy" behaviour. Leading to answer No 2: Yes, it's just a casual sex thing..... AND, as long as you continue to let it happen, he will take advantage of it (the situation) and you.....
Guys NEVER "come around" when they have a girl who is naive enough to keep putting out for them WITHOUT them having to do a darn thing to be a "boyfriend."
Let him know that you EXPECT him to be a "boyfriend" and I predict that you will see dust from his exhaust as he speeds off....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2014):
 P.S. His deal is that he's saying and doing the bare minimum to keep you gentled enough so he can have some amazing sex. For him, amazing sex does not mean, "lifetime commitment." It means, "sex on tap when I need it and thankfully she's going along with it while I get on with my life and get to keep looking for the woman I really will commit to."
That's his deal.
What's YOUR deal?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2014):
Yes, for him it is casual sex. He gets the benefits of a sexual relationship without any of the partnered responsibilities.
You sound as though you are hoping he will come around. He will not. He's been clear and plain and as far as he's concerned, that's the extent of his responsibility to you. "Heads up, babe, we had a thing, it didn't do it for me enough but I do have enough feelings left to be polite about getting some."
"we were in a serious relationship for a couple years prior but it just fell apart." Why do I think this is the part you are glossing over and are desperately hoping and wishing will just magically heal itself? The passive tense ("it just fell apart") would suggest that you are avoiding facing a truth.
It just fell apart because.... why?
You are still having sex with him because it is comforting to make that connection with him but you haven't yet faced the reality that he doesn't want you as a girlfriend.
That sucks for you. Sorry it's so hard for you to be woman enough and true to yourself and just END it.
Get your best girlfriends around and get some support and stop seeing him for sex. You are holding yourself back and postponing the grieving process that naturally happens when a relationship ends.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 May 2014):
 It's the "you will do as a sex partner FWB till I find someone else" thing...
it happens with ex partners that we are just not ready to give up....
it's just casual sex and you will be very hurt when he leaves you.... consider stopping the sex now at least.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 May 2014):
 If you're not in a relationship, and he's made it clear that you're not, then yes, this is just a casual sex thing.There is nothing wrong with wanting to be single, but he shouldn't expect all the perks of having a girlfriend if he doesn't want to be a boyfriend. Cut off the sex and see how long he sticks around. Don't initiate contact with him and when he calls or texts you about getting together, suggest an outing. If he doesn't want to actually go OUT somewhere with you (where sex can't happen) then decline the invitation.OR, you could inform him (the next time he calls or texts) that you're happy to chat with him now and then or go for coffee but sex is off the table because you're going to start dating again. Keep it brief and be matter of fact. No drama, no cornering him with ultimatums, no deadlines, no bringing up the past, no going into everything he's doing wrong, no fuss and no muss. You've made your decision. If he then decides he wants to rekindle the romance (and you want that too) then he can join the line of potential suitors and court you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2014):
 I think he is WELL aware of your feelings, but they are NOT his priority.
IT HAS turned into a convenient (for him) casual thing. He gets to have a "periodical" or "when it suits him" GF and sex partner.
IF you are OK with status quo (as things are now) then keep at it. If you feel you want more for you and from him, I'd cut the sex. And I would tell him why. That you WANT more then is is willing to give.
YOU are getting something out of this too, or you wouldn't continue to do it. You need to figure out if whatever you get out of this, is enough.
You two can play this game for years if you like, but it will also hold BOTH of you back from moving on. THERE was a reason the relationship fell apart. That reason hasn't changed.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 May 2014):
 Stop having sex with him and see if he still wishes to talk to you. It is entirely possible that he still loves you but he feels as though he is not ready for a committed relationship. Either way however, I believe it is in your best interests to stop having sex with him unless casual sex with your ex is something you want. Otherwise, I am quite certain the sex will only complicate things and/or cause one or both of you pain later on.
I don't know him so I cannot say with any certainty that he is lying but, I from what I have read, I feel as though he is just trying to keep you there for sex. I could be wrong of course and he could simply be trying to stay intimate with you because he loves you and needs to stay close to you. Either way, take care.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
