A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, This past Friday my boyfriends of a little over a year broke up with me. Despite my embarrassing pleas he would not reconsider. The reason he gave for the breakup was that despite my having been the best girlfriend he had ever had and this being the best relationship he had ever been in that we had been fighting a lot lately (I will admit I said some mean things in the heat of the moment but I apologised profusely) and the relationship was "killing us" and he didn't need anyone's approval least of all mine. Now I am confused by these contradictory statements, don't couples around the world fight and disagree but the trick is to be committed and stick it out. Why would you leave the best relationship you ever had over a surmountable problem. How do I get over this? I thought this was going to be the father of my children and my life partner. I am devastated. He won't take my calls and is being partparticularly cold and mean towards me. Please help.
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 You've been together a little over a year, my guess is that the 'honeymoon phase' is over and you're now at the 'acceptance and compromise phase' of your relationship. This is the phase where you have gotten to see the 'real' side of each other... the good and the bad. Now is the time to accept each other's flaws and compromise on disagreements. Your constant arguments indicate that you both are having trouble accepting and compromising... it appears neither is willing to budge much... that, along with harsh words during arguments is detrimental to any relationship.My guess is one of two:1. You are asking him to 'give up/change' things that he is not willing to give up on. hence his not needing anyone's approval least your's. He feels that he'd rather give up on your relationship than to compromise and change for you.2. The constant arguments are taking a toll on him and he has found another girl who makes him happier; She is able to make him laugh while you only stress him out. He feels he can be in a better relationship with her, hence the sudden and determined break up with you.A guy who truly wants to be with you, will stick by you through thick and thin. He will only find ways to work together with you to make your relationship work. He won't abandon you, not for arguments, not for anything. He will stay by your side when you're at your best, and especially when you're at your worst. Have faith that guy will come knocking on your door one day. Take some time now to love yourself, spoil and pamper yourself!! You'll be better in no time! ^_^
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2014):
 If fighting and verbal abuse/name calling was becoming the norm? Then yes, I'd walk away.
Saying things in the heat of the moment can happen, I get that. Been there done that. BUT once you put stuff OUT THERE you can't take it back, ever. No matter how profusely you apologize. So maybe learn from this of what NOT to do in your next relationship?
Fighting rarely fixes anything. Least of all relationships. There is a reason you two were fighting this much, but I guess the issue wasn't really dealt with, just argued about?
Going no contact can feel hurtful but in the end HE has to do what feels right for him.
Breaking up sucks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2014): Thanks for your answers. I came home and found he had taken his things and left. I was crushed but like you all said I will just try my best to move on and take the lessons from this relationship and try better on my next ride on the merry go round.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (25 November 2014):
That would be a dealbreaker for me, too! I hate fighting, my husband and I only argue (wouldn't even call it fighting) once or twice a year.
A relationship where you are "fighting a lot" isn't a good relationship at all in my opinion, it is broken and I would leave.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 November 2014):
 Sometimes words we say can never be apologized away. If you were fighting a lot then it wasn't a truly great relationship after all. Better the breakup was sooner than later. You WILL get over this, we all have.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 November 2014):
Sometimes words we say can never be apologized away. If you were fighting a lot then it wasn't a truly great relationship after all. Better the breakup was sooner than later. You WILL get over this, we all have.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 November 2014):
 You'll never know for sure unless you could talk to the man and it looks like he is closing the door without closure. It happens some people just want to end things and move on, they don't want to give closure.
To you the problems were something that could be worked out. To him, maybe it was just too much stress, too much drama and he just felt like checking out. Many people don't handle fighting well, and rather than work things out, they just leave. Perhaps it was just too much for him. Who knows?
Some people try to be kind during breakups to soften the blow, other people are just downright mean. It sounds like he was trying to make you feel better. Since you can't get the answers you want, just accept what he said and let go. Grieve and then move on. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what really happened and I doubt if he's worth it.
I'm sorry for your pain. Time will help, just try to keep yourself busy and focus on what makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2014):
 People say nice things when they are hurting you to lessen the pain.
You can't make him stay with you. He left because you have been "fighting a lot lately" about what? how often is a lot? maybe he thinks that it's too much fighting and it's not worth the effort.
the best way to get over it is accept it's over and let yourself grieve your loss.
give yourself 6 weeks of pure agony.. eating what you want, crying all you want, writing long letters to him that YOU DO NOT SEND... in fact you can either seal them up in an envelope and put it away in a drawer for later on or burn them.
after six weeks of full on mourning, it's time to get up and get out in the real world again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2014): well he more than likely just used that as an excuse tbf .
you are more than likely wanting closure to why he actually did do it because how he left you had you confused.
I had it with an ex , she was telling me how amazing I was and how perfect it was while she was getting banged by another chap, heck she was saying she was going to dump him ( I can just about laugh about it now ha )
so part of me was still with her .
him cutting you off is doing you a favour as it is letting you actually get on with it .
Also they fact he is not getting in contact with you also shows he is getting on with his life.
good luck .. you do get over these things , just takes a but of time
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