A
male
age
30-35,
*ndrewwc1
writes:Ok so long story short, I met the love of my life 8 months ago. I say the love of my life and you're probably asking why I'm on here... I need help from your opinions on understanding a few things.. Mainly the women using this. First of all.. The story of me and this dream girl is just like your stereotypical love movie, how we met and how we fell in love slowly but then all at once.. It's an experience that has changed me forever... I've seen literal miracles happen all around me through this relationship.. We are meant for each other.. We literally never disagree on anything ever..we enjoy literally the same exact things.. She knows what I'm thinking always and vice versa.. It's so perfect it almost seems unreal.. But it's as real as it gets and I'm so overly blessed to have her in my life. Now for my confusions. Here we both are in this intimate relationship, we give up everything for one another, both are 100 percent content with only each other, madly in love.. an addiction, but I find myself at times trying harder than her... I feel as if she takes me for granted and uses the fact that I'm never leaving against me at times. I always try my best to treat her as if we aren't promised another second, which is true. I do everything to make her happy.. but it seems as if she just accepts it and doesn't give back. She indeed makes me happy but, I would like for her to put in some effort to go out of her way, I mean, that's what love is about, going out of your way to care for the other.
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (18 November 2014):
 I'm confused... you say you are a perfect match, everything is smooth as can be and awesome as can be. Then you go on to say you're trying so hard but she's not...what are you trying for..??? Isn't every thing perfect?I wonder if you are only able to see every thing you do for her and feel that it's SO GREAT and SO MUCH. Have you failed to see things whether it be little or big things she's done for you? Should you take a step back from assuming you do so much for her to appreciate what she's done for you?When you truly give your heart to someone you will put them first, nothing you ever do to make this person happy or no sacrifice you make for the relationship will appear to be 'A LOT''... you'll always want to do more and it will always seem as if you've not done enough. Every time she does some thing sweet.. every little sacrifice she makes will touch your heart and you will say 'wow! She did that for me!' You won't have the time to sit there to calculate and analyze how it is that you give so much and she isn't giving enough.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2014):
 Sageoldguy...we do it this way
I love you
I love you more
I love you most
I love you more than most
yeah...
there are times HE tries harder and there are time I try harder... the fact that it goes back and forth is key...
Another vote for the 5 languages of love. there is a website for it... with a test. both of you take the test.
I did that with my then boyfriend. (now husband) and I learned that my love language is words and actions his is acts of service and time... I had to learn to adjust how i told him I loved him... words mean nothing to him but my getting up and doing his laundry or running his errands to free up his time tells him he is loved.
He had to learn I need words and actions... so a man who didn't ever believe in saying "I love you" learned to say it now and again and a woman who didn't understand that not saying it was ok had to learn that "acts of service tell him I love him" is a good watchword when doing his laundry while mad at him.
IF you are always the one leading the relationship, stop rowing the relationship boat a bit and see if it continues to move forward.
If you don't call her does she call you or does she wait for you to call her?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 November 2014):
 This makes me think of a mock-competition that my S/O and I sometimes have. It goes like this....
Her: "I love you."
Me: "I love you, more."
Her: "I love you the MOST..."
Me: "I love you, even most-er than that!".....
Being in love is not a competition. It's a cooperation..
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 This all sounds very intense. At 8 months, you are still in the exciting "honeymoon" stage of your relationship where you hormones are on overdrive and you feel excited. This will naturally calm down as time goes on.I think you need to back off a little and give her some breathing space. Do you have hobbies that you still do by yourself? Do you have friends of your own. It's important to get a healthy balance in life, but it sounds like you're 100% focused on your girlfriend.You say she isn't "giving back" - that may be because her love language is not "gifts" or "acts of kindness". It's not necessarily a sign that she doesn't love you as much.However how is she using against you the fact that you probably won't split up? And how do you know you won't split up? Of course you might. You wouldn't be on this site if there weren't issues.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 Different love languages, dude. No, love is not about going out of your way for the other, its not fixed in certain terms like that. Google the five love languages, and you will see the five most common ways people show love. But either way, love is a feeling, not an action. There is a difference between loving someone, and how you show that love.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 November 2014):
 It would seem Andrew, that she isn't quite your dream girl.....
I don't know your girl, I don't know you, so I can only give an opinion on what you have written here, so here goes:
Maybe you need to pull back a little bit, make sure there are other interests in your life, get a hobby that your girl is not involved in (I recommend the same for her), sometimes go out with your male friends, make sure other relationships are maintained, don't put all your eggs into one basket and don't invest all your emotional intensity into one relationship.
Maybe you make it easy for her to be a bit casual and use the fact you believe you will never leave her. Imagine your relationship is a boat, just a little rowing boat: maybe you put so much energy and wanting, and sharing, and caring and intensity into the relationship there is no room in there for her to put anything.
Move a little in the boat, just shift along the bench, to change the balance, she is going to have to adjust her position in the boat when you move, to ensure the boat remains upright and doesn't tip over.
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