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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been single for 4 years now but have got to a point where yes I miss companionship but I am not desperate. I recently met a guy online, we talked for about 2 weeks and met up. Ive now seen him couple of times and he is lovely, he is 3 years younger than me which I definitely struggled with at first but it's not as obvious as I first thought. However, he is very intense! I've seen him 4 times now and all his friends know about me, his parents ask how I am, he constantly tries to take photos with me.. It's nice but.. He is terrible in bed and not only that but he is not very well endowed and the physical side of a relationship is everything to me. I've told him we shouldn't be physical and take things slow after seeing it.. But I can't carry on with that forever what do I do? I feel liked would be killing a cute loveable puppy saying to him I can't see him anymore. Plus I feel very shallow Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 November 2014):
 You guys met after 2 weeks, had 4 dates, and you had sex with him even when you didn't want to get physical??
Get the puppy idea out of your head, because he'd knife the poor dog in the pursuit of pressuring sex from you.
You're hurting him more by carrying on. You know you're not a match, so staying with him out of pity is cruel. It *IS* drowning the puppy. It *IS* pulling the wings off of butterflies to lead him on when really you know it's not going to work.
Have you ever considered that this whole "puppy" thing you feel may in fact be carefully rehearsed emotional manipulation from his part?? He already got you into bed with him way too soon, and he's playing on your guilt like a fiddle.
Tell him it's not working out. Sure, you can be gentle, but just tell him that he's a good guy, but you're not feeling the chemistry. DO NOT mention friendship with him. DO NOT linger on saying things that assuage your own guilt like how he'll meet someone really nice or whatever. Just make it short, sweet, and non-cruel. To draw it out IS cruel.
I think this guy knows what he's doing, pushed you into it, and sounds like he could very well be toxic with all the picture taking. If he lays on the guilt after you break up, let that NOT change your mind. Let that reveal to you that you ARE making the right choice.
A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (25 November 2014):
lol well saying you should be physical after having sex is pointless .
you need to tell him that he is not the one for you and end it , if not he is just going to potentially start liking you more
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): The longer it goes on the worse it will get. Just say that things went too fast and actually he's just not for you as a partner. If he's hurt then maybe next time with someone else he won't be as intense as he has been. Don't force things, a relationship - especially one this new - shouldn't be difficult. If it is then it can't be right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): So, you did have sex? Right? How is he terrible in bed? He is not pleasing you? Or he moves strangely? I don't know how old you are, even if you are 25, that makes him 22. At this age guys can be tought and become excellent lovers in a future. May be you are his first woman? Once I was with a guy who was 23 at the time. I was quite a bit older. He was also terrible in bed, but I could never even imagined that he had no experience because he was gorgeous. Befor me he had few girls even younger than him and they also were very inexperienced. We did it for 6 months, after that he was unrecognizable. He was very passionate and he was awesome. Then we went our separate ways as age difference was in a way. But he attracted me very much, that's why I gave him a chance. I think this guy doesn't attract you. Don't feel quilty, you don't need to love and like everyone you dated. Let him go softly, you will do him a favor. The longer it last the worse it will be for him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 November 2014):
 do not lead him on. bite the bullet and break it off with him 100% do not give him the "let's be friends" talk as that just gives him hope...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): It sounds like the way you phrased it, is that you saw it and then didn't have sex because you were already worried he'd be bad because he's not up to your usual size. If you're not attracted to him don't have sex ,but dump him as well seeing as the physical aspect is so important, but don't judge him on his sexual performance (I'm not talking about oral or handjobs- just the usual vaginal sex) if you've never partaken it with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): The longer you lead him on, the more he will be heart broken. Just tell him you are not ready for a relationship or you don't feel the spark or something along those lines.
Do it with both your clothes on. Spare him that pain
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