A
female
age
41-50,
*issy_25
writes:This is an age old question but I would like to poll a question. In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you? (Note that it's a one-sided love. You may care for the other person but I am referring to someone who don't feel as strongly as you do to that other person). I'm excited to see results! :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wolfscar  +, writes (14 November 2014):
 One I love. Always
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 November 2014):
 I think you'd be happier with a person you love than one who loves you.
However both of these situations are bad, and it would be better to be single.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2014):
 I actually prefer the ebb and flow of being with someone who sometimes loves me more than I love them and other times is loved more by me than they love me.
Note that this is different than what you are asking.
IF it's totally one sided with one person loving the other more than the loved person and the loved person is just settling and being complacent, then it's not a good thing.
Yes in my current marriage I believe he loves me more than anyone every has and there are days I love him more than he loves me... or at least show it, but then there are days he's the one loving more (or showing it).
Long term committed love is very different from passion and romance... Long term committed love is not always noticeable to those outside of the interrelationship.
There are many who do not realize how much a couple loves and lives. So if you are with someone who does not make you feel loved, that's one thing, but if you are watching a couple and questioning the love between them (like many do with my crazy marriage) then there is no questioning.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (13 November 2014):
I would rather remain single than be in either of those situations.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 November 2014):
 To answer your question as you stated it..I would rather be the one who was loved more. Its sad and rather selfish, but who wants to love someone more than they love you?
In real life..I've been married twice. I believe that both of my husbands loved me more than I loved them.I certainly didn't plan for it to be that way, but its what happened.I did love both of them when I was married to them. My first husband and I have been divorced for 30 years..he still tells everyone that he loves me and would take me back in a minute if I would let him. He was a jerk to me in our marriage and hit me..I feel nothing for him except friendship.
My second husband was a good man till alcohol took over his life. I slowly over time lost all feelings for him. I moved on after the divorce and never felt a bit of regret. He never dated again, never married. Still claims to love me.
I never wanted to hurt either man but I dont believe I loved them as much as they loved me even though both of them hurt me tremendously.
I have been in a relationship with a man now for almost 14 years. I know that he loves me, and he loves me as much as is possible for him. BUT..I know that I love him far more deeply than he loves me. Its very painful to me. He denies it, but I know in my heart that its true. Its not a happy situation. I'd much rather that we loved each other the same but it just isn't the case.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 November 2014):
Neither. I don't understand how people get into this situation... If you don't love someone or vice versa, why would you marry them?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 There is NO either or in a real marraige... both love each equally. Now, you can have resentment and jealosy, etc. but an unequal degree of love is a long date.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 November 2014):
 I'd rather be married to someone out of mutual love, or I'd rather be alone.
The problem with loving someone who didn't love me is that I'd live under a constant state of pain, which is untenable.
The problem with being married to someone who loved me, but I didn't love him back would be that I'd feel terrible for using someone's love like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2014): A person you love.
You'll feel motivated and get meaning from the relationship.
If you don't love your partner you'd be miserable and bored.
Happy and alive is the fool in love :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2014): Loving someone who doesn't love you back the same is horrible. I'd want someone who loves me.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (12 November 2014):
 I honestly feel it needs to be mutual... but love can be shown differently. For example, the woman may be the one cooking, cleaning, etc but the man will see that she is tired and gives her a massage at the end of the day.
If you really just want a one sided love answer, then being a woman, I'd want a man who loves me more than I love him.. I will be more 'lucky and fortunate'. I will feel more pampered and secure in the relationship because I know he loves me more.
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