A
female
age
26-29,
*perez1902
writes:my boyfriend stopped smoking weed and recently he talked about starting back. but me on the other hand hate it and don't want to be around it. What should I do? I told him to pick me or weed and he says its up to me.. help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2014):
 I don't see why you even ask for advice on this. Because loving him dearly and living together seems to trump everything. But it doesn't to your BF. YOUR opinion doesn't matter when it comes to weed. And maybe it's because he did weed before you two started dating, and before you moved in. YOU knew it and still dated him. Now that it's a problem (for you) you put forth an ultimatum.
YOUR ultimatum backfired. You lost. All you can do now is live with him doing whatever he wants, or find a way to walk away from him and the relationships.
THERE is not "magical" solution here. He has CHOSEN weed and since you live together, he knows you are "sort of" STUCK with him and his decisions.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2014):
 If he chooses to smoke it, nothing you want, nothing you say and nothing you do will change that.
It's a choice.
You told him, ME or WEED... he told you MAKE a choice
what he means is.. "I'm not giving up my pot, you now choose if you will stick to your guns and leave or show me that I can do what I want and you will back down and roll over and take it."
Since you "love him dearly"
you will have to accept that he smokes pot and since you live together I am sure you will be around it"
Since you already told him "Me or weed" you now have to leave or you no longer will have ANY power at all in this relationship as he will learn that no matter what you say he gets his way.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 November 2014):
 OP: Don't tease yourself and allow your hopes and dreams to obscure the FACTS before you.
You wrote: "...I told him to pick me or weed..." HE has made a clear decision. So, YOU have to either stick by your ultimatum, OR continue compromising yourself until/unless things get so untenable that you (finally) do act on that ultimatum.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, sperez1902 +, writes (17 November 2014):
sperez1902 is verified as being by the original poster of the question me and my boyfriend live together and i love him dearly.. i couldnt just leave him. is their a method to keep his mind off the weed or another thing he can do?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 November 2014):
What's your question????? He said that YOU make the decision... and it requires only that you say to him: "I told you that, if you hang with weed, then you can't hang with me.... and you've indicated that you're going to continue hanging with the weed.... so I'M OUTTA HERE"????!!!!
Simple, huh?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): Been there done that I dated a guy who was on drugs I loved him so much I wanted him to get help he didn't so I left.Find u somebody else that's going to respect you as well as themselves because an addict doesn't love nobody but drugs.:)best wishes
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Huh? You told him to pick and he says it's up to you? Alright, sounds like he made his decision then? He picked the weed? Or how are we supposed to interpret this?
Leave. He obviously thinks wasting time and money on drugs is worth more than keeping you, so his priorities are out in the open. Walk away and find someone who prioritizes more intelligently.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): Honestly, I'd find another boyfriend.
He'll end up lying to you or resenting you for dictating his actions.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (16 November 2014):
If it were me I'd cut my losses and find someone else who shares your views. I myself am really anti-smoking (weed and cigarettes) and I told my boyfriend that right upfront. He told me that wasn't an issue as he didn't do any of those things.
Fast forward 5 years and I've recently moved in with him, only to find he's been smoking weed regularly at night in his house and he doesn't understand why I'm upset. Now I'm faced with the choice of either ending a relationship with a man I'm now in love with, or learning to accept one of my deal breakers.
I think to me, if you have conflicting views on weed in general, you need to find someone else because he will never see it as a big deal and you always will.
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