A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago I met a guy online and we hit it off immediately. On our first date we met for drinks and 4 hours later it was still going strong. We had our second date the next night and things continued to progress. He would text me every day and our conversations would last all day and into the night. But all this changed last week. I went online to cancel my online dating profile but saw that he was online so I decided to keep it up. Over the next few days he was online a lot and he hasn't been texting me as often either. Now he takes hours to respond and hasn't initiated our next date. Today I learned that he has new accounts on two other dating sites. How can I ask him about this and let him know I really like him without sounding too pushing or needy?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): You've been out with this guy twice. You felt you had good text conversations. And then he stopped following up with you. Apparently he lost interest. What should you do? Absolutely nothing. Right now, believe it or not, you still have a shot with this guy if you sit on your hands, have faith, and let HIM pursue you. You are going to look silly if you do or say anything. And you'll look especially silly if you confess your devotion to him or ask him where you two stand. It's like setting yourself on fire and jumping out of a window. You do that, you are going to seem desperate. And that will completely kill the switch on whatever attraction he felt for you. If you call, text or reach out to him, he will put you in the "desperate" category, and never take you seriously. Just last week this guy invited me to go skiing. The night before we were to go, he calls and makes up some excuse that he blew his back out and cancels. I knew it was an excuse, nonetheless I played along and wished him a speedy recovery. He then invites me to the observatory instead and tells me he'll call me the next day. I said sure. Of course he never called. Cause he was probably skiing! Without me! lol. I'll admit after being blown off and not hearing from him for a few days it crossed my mind to give him a call to see what's up. But my logic set in and I thought, NO WAY! Then he is going to think I am desperate and just hanging around waiting on him. I don't want to be that girl. If I don't say a word, his mind will remain intrigued. And voila! A week later he called and asked me out without me doing a thing or saying a word. That's how men are. Like I said, don't do or say anything. They always come around again. Just be patient.
A
female
reader, CattyCat  +, writes (12 March 2015):
 If you slept with him, then he's a dog that you shouldn't bother pursuing. He put in his effort to get sex, and since you gave it to him, he doesn't see a reason to try anymore.
Unfortunately on dating sites, men go on there for that.
IF you haven't had sex with him, then maybe something has happened in his life? Maybe he didn't think you were interested, so you should definitely let him know that you still like him, maybe suggest a 6th date?
I hope it works out
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2015):
 I'd say the same for 3 weeks and 5 dates as I said for 3 weeks and 5 dates.
If a guy stops being keen after ONLY 3 weeks... He just isn't INTO you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2015):
 IF you really like him.. LEAVE HIM BE... let him come to you.
Introducing him to your BF is a step up from very casual friend and it may have scared him. IF he's really interested then he'll be back. It may take a few weeks.
Men tend to start relationships like gangbusters. They tend to fall "in love" (more like lust) faster than women but then they crash and burn faster. They lose interest.
Meanwhile women go slow and build over time so that just about the time she's getting interested he's losing interest.
She then steps up her attentions to him, he finds her clingy and any feelings that were growing for her are snuffed out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your feedback so far. I don't know if this matters or not but he and I had more than 2 dates. It was actually a total of 5 dates in three weeks. I just meant that we had our first and second two days in a row. I even introduced him to my best friend.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2015):
You don't need to ASK him about it. His actions alone tell you what you don't want to accept. He's still shopping for a girl and you are not the one (at this time)
He owes you no explanations. You had two dates and now he's seeing what else that is a better fit than you is out there.
NOTE this is not to say that anyone else is BETTER than YOU just that HE is not as interested in you as you are in him.
IF he comes back it's because no one else has caught his eye more than you yet.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2015):
Eh, I'd let him go.
If he was INTO you, as you are into him, he would NOT add MORE dating profiles on the web.
Time to move on.
He is doing the MULTIPLE dating thing. KEEPING ALL his options open. So many people think that if they DATE SEVERAL people at the same time their chances of finding a good match is higher. Expect they end up not knowing WHAT they want and WHAT they "have". They have to divide their attention among several people.
3 weeks and 2 dates, is too soon to worry about taking down your profile. Or whether he should take his down.
I see nothing wrong in JUST dating ONE guy at a time. That means you give them your UNDIVIDED attention. BUT don't put all your eggs in one basket.
I'd say - NEXT!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): I have the same issue at the moment and i know its hard you don't wanna come off desperate. What I'm doing is telling myself "DO NOT CONTACT HIM" at all cos it WILL seem needy and desperate. If you have already- doesn't matter what you've said - just do not contact him. Let him contact you, if he ever does. By then you've moved on or lost interest. Trust me your situation matches mine more or less but same issue. And us girls love playing detective so try to stop with that. I know also you're afraid to move on "just in case". I think in time whatever happens you'll review how you feel about the guy if he makes contact and decide if he's worth it. If u decide he is,mirror his behaviour. If he texts , you text. If he ask u on a 2nd date don't seem too available. Google this stuff I'm sure u already have?
Guys are really strange. We'll never work them out. But be strong hun, move on for your sake of sanity. Move on for you cos eventually you'll meet someone whoever he is- that in the end he won't play these stupid games. You have to browse online also or date offline also and show him that you are not sitting around waiting for him. Cos compared to others he's probably not that much of a catch. Let me know what happens. In 2/3 months!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): If this man wanted to see you again he would have initiated another date. I would say he is keeping all his options open. Move on swiftly. Anyone can text. It a bit of attention. Fundamentally he's not interested in what you are looking for.
...............................
|
