A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My close relative and her husband have both been unemployed due to anxiety and stress. They both seem to be OCD about everything apart from a day's work. They have both gained a lot of weight and are now eligible to a brand new car worth 20k every three years, a house and all their bills paid for. They are on maximum benefits and frequently holiday and eat out. They have two children and get extra benefits for them. If they were working they would need to earn in excess of 60k to cover their lifestyle. The issue I have is that I cannot accept or understand why they would both gain so much weight to make their lives like this. I despair of them. They are mid 40's and it saddens me what they are doing. Yet they seem so content and self righteous. I cannot carry on a relationship as the husband has dragged her down to his level of reasoning. I feel sad as we used to be so close. I also miss the children but they are becoming like their parents too. Both are becoming bigger and bigger. How can I get past these feelings... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): I would report them for benefit fraud. If they can go and eat out, have holidays and the like then there is no reason they can't leave their house and get a pissing job. Being fat is not a disability, claiming to have OCD but they're perfectly fine about eating out in places? It sounds like they are completely taking the piss out of the system and they know it. If this was my family, I would honestly report them. They might have a frights and actually try to do something with their life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): Yes, this is definately the downside of welfare and socialism. Instead of giving a hand up, they give a hand out. I would be embarrased for them too if I was you. Sure, the expediant answer is to tell you to just ignore and cut ties with them. Not really feasible though for a normal compassionate person who cares about family.I don't think you should have to cut your close relative and their children out of your life. How old are those children? Could you spend some time with them without the parents around? I think they are a lost cause, but I hope that if the children could see some other role models they could be helped to not become like their parents.Could you take them to volunteer at a soup kitchen, food bank, or some other organization where they will come in contact with those less fortunate? Can you encourage them to do some work for someone, like get a paper route, or some other job like that, so they can see how rewarding it really is to earn your own money?I know a silver-spoon type who was very entitled/lazy when he was growing up, but then he actually got a summer job and earned a paycheck for once in his life. He enjoyed the freedom of having made his very own money (lots from parents but always w/strings attached) he never looked back and has worked ever since.Also, if they are not eating anything healthy, maybe you could teach them about nutrition, or find some healthy foods like fruit or veggies (maybe have them help w/a garden?) that they would enjoy at least in your company?anyway, I hope this helps. Condolences on the parents. I hope something can make a difference for your family. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 March 2015):
 You practice the saying "not my circus not my monkeys"
you have no control over them and you have no NEED to get past these feelings.
You feel what you feel....and if they annoy you so much cut them out of your life. NOWHERE is it written you have to have a relationship with them.
Anything you do with them is YOUR CHOICE so choose not to be with them...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): You know that bugs the life out of me,
They are literally getting fat on our taxes!
Sorry but I don't see how someone who is overweight can be classed as unfit for work, plenty of jobs you do at a desk eg Call Centre. If they struggle getting around.
It isn't fair that the rest of have to work 40+ hours to pay our bills, feed our Child ext.
The answer to this in May vote for David Cameron who plans on stopped people doing this.
Yes some people do need help but being fat isn't a reason not to go out work.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 March 2015):
 Please allow me a moment's political commentary....
THIS (what you've described) is what happens when our "welfare state" is so generous that it undermines peoples' incentive to make it on their own.....
That said.... I don't see how it needs to affect YOU if they are lazy. Don't despair. Let them live their lives,... you live your's...
Good luck...
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