A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have been with my partner for 3 years, a few months into our relationship he told me that he would like to watch me have sex with another man! This was like a bombshell to me. Our sex was great in the beginning but we only have sex about once a week now. I now know that he watches porn very frequently, although I realise that's a thing that a lot of men do, and we have in the past watched it together, however I do feel cheated as I fancy him like mad and I want to be having sex more frequently, but because I know he does this I find it hard to make the first move, the porn he watches Is normally gangbangs or threesomes, so I know that this is what turns him on. We have been to a couple of swingers parties but have not shared, we both enjoy the fact that we can be watched, should I suggest to him that we try and find a guy to have a threesome? (I have gotten used to the idea now) , or should I just tell him that I know what he does and try and sort things out that way.
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porn, sex with another, swinging, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 I am a former swinger.
Swinging ruined my last marriage.
Swinging will NOT fix broken. IN fact, every relationship I know that has gone into swinging as a way to "fix" it is over and done.
Yes there are some couples that survive swinging. I know three of them. all are married over 25 years.
I would not suggest it as a way to save a relationship.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2015):
 I think it would be a BIG mistake to do right now. YOU are not satisfied with your sex life, so ADDING another person is NOT the way to go.
TALK to your BF, TELL him you FEEL like he RATHER watch pron then have sex with you. INITIATE sex, she HE knows YOU want him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 I suspect that the threesome is not really about spicing it up, but rather he has secret gay fantasies. If not, many heterosexual men regret a threesome like that and get jealous. A threesome is safe only when you have deep trust with each other, and that no matter what you would stay together. It's never a good idea to use it as a way to save a dying, boring relationship. What you want initially is to feel desired by him. If he does not already feel this, then a threesome is not going to help you connect deeper. You would find that you need to take the excitement up the notch each time and still your needs are not being met. That's because you are doing it for him, but you actually want his love, not another man's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): My hairstylist, who is also my confidante, is gay. I usually pay close attention to gay men's opinions because 1. They're men themselves so they know how men think. 2. They are gay so they don't have an ulterior motive with you. Anyway he and I were talking last week about threesomes. I was telling him a story about how the guy I date had a threesome with these two girls before we became exclusive. And that I'm not sure how I felt about it and whatnot. Anyway, he thought I said that this guy wanted ME to have a threesome and that I did. His face turned from intrigue to disgust and he immediately replied, "that's not a good sign that he wants you to have threesomes. He's kind of a sicko. And that's disrespectful to you. Its not right." Then I explained to him it wasn't me he had a threesome with and that he'd never asked that of me. He was relieved to hear that but still felt skeptical. So I came across your question with that conversation still fresh in my head. When I read your post I kept thinking of the face my hairstylist made upon thinking he heard about my "threesome" with my supposed boyfriend.It's not glamorous. What I took from that conversation is that a guy who loves you and respects you wouldn't ask that of you. It's one thing for a guy to do that kind of thing with girls who are insignificant to him but not with the girl he loves. I don't think caving into his perversion is going to make him want you more. If anything it will cheapen your relationship. Probably make him more emotionally disconnected. You may turn into just a booty call for him. That he places a higher priority on his fantasies and his pornography, all the while neglecting you and your needs, shouldn't make you want to try harder to get his attention. On the contrary, you should distance yourself from him. He is not being a good boyfriend and he's not meeting your needs. It's ridiculous that you feel you should drop your standards to further meet his needs when he barely lifts a finger to satisfy yours. If you do this, your going to walk away feeling just as displeased and empty if not emptier. Because the emotional void is still going to be there. If you really want to make a difference in your life/relationship, then forget spicing up your sex life, and focus on spicing up YOUR life. Let him sit there finding sexual gratification with his hand and some videos and see it for what it is. It's pathetic. And in the meantime just ignore him and start getting real busy with your own life and friends. That he sits there fantasizing about sex with other chicks is not much of a relationship. So go out and start talking to other guys. If they ask you out, I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind as he has got his hand and his videos to entertain him. If you really want to make him feel like a piece of shit and make him notice you, stay real busy, start going out and doing fun things WITHOUT HIM, and ignore him and act non chalant to his behavior. His behavior is garbage. Treat him no better than how he is acting. The day he wants to come UP to your level and be a good boyfriend, then you can consider him and treat him like your boyfriend. But at this point, he doesn't deserve your attention.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): If you are going to be shared by some other man how then can he truly call you his? How do you decide which man is yours? The one that shares you with another or the one that actually has you? Of course, if none of these distinctions of attachment matter then of course, threesomes are a great idea. Ultimately, no couple ever ends up as a triplet and those who end up swinging, in majority of cases, never end up getting old together. So a threesome is also a decision about a time frame within which a human being matters to you: for short term sexual thrills threesome is great but extend the view and the people involved in those sexual triangles fade into obscurity and uselessness. Then there is potential for changing moral views on sexual acts so are you sure that down the line you may not change to view threesomes as a disguise for sexual infidelity within a relationship? Which actually wrecks it?Just some things to ponder prior to your final decision.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 March 2015):
 The FIRST threesome is exciting. All subsequent threesomes are the precursors of the end of your "relationship." Is that what you'd like????
Good luck...
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