A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My gf is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it. I feel this way because we've had some issues where she was making lustful statements about women she knew on social media and basically flirting with other women while we were together. When I found out we discussed it and she explained that she was done with that part of her life and that she would do whatever she could to rid herself of it. I haven't dealt with her flirting or lusting for months but I'm pretty sure she's still thinking it. Recently she's expressed that she's still attracted to women and that she tried to force herself to control her natural desires (even though I was completely against her doing) in order to please me. I let her know that I'm uncomfortable with it because of her actively lusting for women while we were together. She claims that she is trying to rid that from her life but it will take some time. My question is should I break up with her? Or if I choose to stay with her what are some ways to be secure with the fact that my gf likes women, or tips for staying in general. I wouldn't like to lose my relationship over the fact that my gf likes women, but I really don't trust the way she goes about the situation. Any advice it greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, jaquie +, writes (18 March 2015):
OK I know a lot of girls and it is totally normal for a girl to say another is pretty or say that she has a nice body.
I guess that if you are so uncomfortable with her being bisexual than you DO NOT truly love her and should break up with her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2015):
 I agree with SVC
You can't get "rid" of who/what gender you are attracted too. If she claims she is, SHE is lying. She is just hiding it (or actually she isn't hiding it anymore is she?)
And I agree with chigirl that the PROBLEM isn't that she is bi-sexual - but that she thinks it's OK to flirt and carry on lusting AFTER other people RIGHT in your face (doesn't matter whether they are women or men).
Being Bisexual doesn't mean you CAN'T control your urges or respect your partner. IT means that you CAN be attracted to BOTH men and women.
Would you really be MORE OK if she was LUSTING after other men? Would THAT be better?
Personally, this would be a total deal breaker for me. Either you can BE faithful or you can't - it's a choice. It's NO HARDER for you to NOT LUST after others then it would be for her. She is just pulling the I'm bisexual card, thinking it's a GRAND excuse to get away with inappropriate behavior.
Yes, I'd dump her in a heartbeat. And NOT because she is bisexual, but because she is disrespectful and takes absolutely no responsibility for HER actions.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Honestly, your problem is not that your girlfriend is bisexual. Your problem is that your girlfriend is lusting after other people, and being obvious about it as well, which is disrespectful towards you. You'd not like it if she behaved this way towards men either, so the problem is not her lusting after women... The problem is her lusting after other people when she's in a relationship with you!
Tell her that she can be attracted to women all she likes, but when in a relationship one is monogamous, and that means she can NOT behave in this manner. It is disrespectful to you and to your relationship. How would she like it if YOU went after other women the same way, commenting the same way and flirting with other women and then say you're so attracted to them? She'd not like it one bit.
I think, if she has such a hard time staying faithful, and is always ogling other women, and commenting and flirting, that you should break up with her, because she's not respecting you or the relationship. If she acts as if she's single, then perhaps it is better for her to be single and not in a relationship.
I'm a bisexual woman too, and I do NOT behave like your girlfriend is. Yes, I am attracted to both men and women, but when in a relationship I do not flirt with anyone except for my partner, regardless of their gender.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 March 2015):
 I realized my post does not say what I'm trying to imply which is "she's a cheater and is just using her bisexuality as an excuse"
end it with her. do not ask her to change who she is.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 March 2015):
 You write: "My gf is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it."
Sooooo, what's the question???? Get away from her and resume your life... perhaps with some OTHER woman in it... which woman is hetero-....
Don't make this such a big matter...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 March 2015):
I am a bisexual woman and I am monogamously married to a man.
I did not rid myself of my bisexuality. I made a commitment to my partner to not cheat on him. This means men or women.
If she thinks that she can "rid herself of it" she's either lying to herself, or someone or she's not bi.
basically she has so choose to be in a monogamous relationship and "forsake all others"
My husband would be fine letting me have some time with other women... but then I would have to afford him the same courtesy... I'm not game to share at all.
Just because we are bisexual does not give us the right or permission to cheat.
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