A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,we talked with my bf the other day about spending some summer vacation together. We want to go to the sea, because we haven´t been by the sea for a long time. My BF told me he was by the sea few years ago and it was the best, most amazing vacation.He didn´t tell who he was there with,but I know that he was there with his friends and with his gf,because I´ve seen some old photos from FB. So I got mad, but I didn´t tell him why. Should I be mad because he said it? I hate that he spent the best vacation with his ex!Thanx for answers.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 "And now it will be a lot of pressure at me to make the vacation amazing,,because if it´s not, the one with his ex will remain still the best..(author)"
It is NOT a competition, and you need to stop thinking it is. Or else your competitive mind and jealousy is what will end the relationship.
Did you for one minute stop to think it is not your job to entertain him? It is not your job to top whatever a past girlfriend ever did. It is not your job to "do better".
You are you. You are different. You are not a second version of the ex. You're not an updated version either. You are you, not her, and this is not a competition. Your job is to be who you are, and if he likes who you are he will enjoy being with you. That's how it works.
Clearly, something was off with the ex and he didn't like her in that way, or it didn't work some reason or other. But he likes you, and it works with you, and it works because you are you and he is him. It's not going to work if you try to be the ex girlfriend, or be a better version of the ex girlfriend.
It serves no purpose other than destroy the relationship if you run around trying to be "best" at things. The point isn't to be "best". The point is to be yourself, and have fun.
Another thing to consider is he probably didn't actually mean anything by that comment. Sometimes people, and in particular men, speak with NO hidden agenda. NO secret meaning between the lines. He simply meant, it was a great vacation. It wasn't to put pressure on you, it wasn't to say his ex made it so amazing, it didn't mean anything other than "oh, the sea, I've been there before and it was great, I wanna go again, can we????". He has good memories of the place and now he wants to let you in on the experience, because he loves you and wants YOU to also have a great vacation. He wants to share something he liked (or more simply, he just wants to go there because he likes it himself).
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Relative to your follow-up, in which you write: "...I think what upsets me most is that he keeps chatting with that ex from time to time on social networks. but I got used to it..."
THAT is NOT acceptable. IF he has no "other" reason to speak/communicate with her (such as regarding kids or selling their house, or business which they may/must share), THEN communication which is "casual" and/or "chatting" IS inappropriate... and you have every RIGHT to make it clear to him that THAT is not acceptable to you.... After all, isn't that really just keeping the embers (the residue of his "finished" relationship) stirred and warm????? You may bring that up, any time, and I believe that many of us Aunts and Uncles would say that you have a valid reason to be concerned/upset.
Good luck..... (and DON'T "get used to it")
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (31 January 2013):
Some men(not all) unfortunately speak without thinking.I can see why your upset by this.Be honest with him and tell him it upset you. Is this the only thing that's upsetting you about the relationship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): Thanks:) well, I guess as in every relationship, we have little fights, sometimes little time for each other..but I think what upsets me most is that he keeps chatting with that ex from time to time on social networks. but I got used to it..
And I don´t know if I should talk with him about it, I don´t wanna sound like a jealous hysterical woman..:P
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (30 January 2013):
Some men(not all) unfortunately speak without thinking.I can see why your upset by this.Be honest with him and tell him it upset you. Is this the only thing that's upsetting you about the relationship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I guess you people are right...I know I shouldn´t be jealous of it, but i think that him saying that was a little insensitive to me... It´s that, I´ve been jealous of her for a long time,becuase they were together for long time and they were their first loves and all..And now it will be a lot of pressure at me to make the vacation amazing,,because if it´s not, the one with his ex will remain still the best..(author)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): No because he hasn't done anything wrong because he probably loved his ex at the time and he diddn't know that he would end up being with you. So instead of worrying about what he did in the past and replace with creating new memories of you and your boyfriend or your vacation.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 January 2013):
You got a bunch of good advice here, especially "Why would you punish him for enjoying his life before you?"
Save your anger for when he runs off to the beach with another woman and has a blast when you're together!
I also agree that his point was that the Beach is awesome, not the girl he was with.
The sea is great, I live near the West Coast of the US and go every year. You'll have fun and I'm sure you'll top his previous vacation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2013):
 It wasn't his ex who made it great! It was the location, and he wants a new "best vacation" with you! Just because he went somewhere with an ex doesn't make it spoiled territory!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 January 2013):
Why be mad and jealous???? Why not go on the vacation.... and then TOP this prior vacation that he told you was so great!!!!
You know, holding on to events from the past is like letting a freeloader live, rent-free, in your brain.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2013):
He didn't spend his "best vacation with his ex", he spent his best vacation by the sea, and now he wants to return to.. :the sea. If it was the ex that made it so great he'd want to return to.. :the ex.
You don't have a right to be mad, and btw you aren't mad. You're jealous. You are jealous because you think this statement somehow means his ex has outbested you at something, so now you must try to be even better, and give him an even better vacation. But that's not how it works. The ex is an ex for a reason, so clearly, a great vacation which she happened to be a part of wasn't enough to make her the best ever. You're better than her, with or without the amazing vacation, as you're the one he's with. Not her.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Grow up. What's the point being mad? What is it going to achieve?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Well since it was before you were around, perhaps you can set the goal that your vacation with him will be his new BEST vacation.
Possibly it was due to the people he was with. Possibly it was the location. Or a combination of the two...
Why are you mad?
are you jealous? of what? an ex girlfriend? why?
I can't see why you are mad. or hurt. or angry.
Why would you punish him for enjoying his life before you?
was he supposed to have no life before you came along?
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