A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:All I ever read on this site is how men use porn. If a guy says he isn't using porn then he is lying. I read a post just the other day for a woman who wanted a man who didn't cheat, watch porn, look at other women, etc. It got tons of replies all saying she can have a man with all of those things EXCEPT a guy who doesn't watch porn. Like a man who doesnt watch porn simply doesnt exist. My husband says he doesn't watch porn. I asked a few years ago if he would go without it because I don't like porn in a relationship, he said fine with no issues. He had used porn in the past and had admitted to using it quite a bit with previous girlfriends. He said its easy to give it up for me because he would rather wait until we have sex and its better when there is a build up. I'm having a hard time believing him now. All I ever read is how men need to have sex and need to masturbate. Well we went almost 2 weeks straight without sex in the last month, I was sick for awhile and even ended up in the hospital so sex was very few and far between. For a month it was normal to go a week without anything. We talked about the lack of sex and he says he never watched porn or even masturbated at all in that time. He says he would tell me if it got to the point where he felt he needed to masturbate and apparently it hasnt reached that point in years. On average we have sex twice a week. I'm not pushing him with anymore questions I just said okay. But I sit here and do feel like he could be lying since porn and masturbation are necessary according to everyone on this site. Is my husband really the exception? Do I just accept he is most likely lying about porn use even though it is blatantly lying to my face? Or do I hope he's truthful and believe what he is saying even though it seems far fetched that he hasn't masturbated or watched porn in years? And for the record he isn't someone who lies. And I really just became paranoid from hearing constantly that men watch porn and if they say they don't then you are being lied to. I have no way to find out if he is or not, he's a computer genius and can erase any trace of his history. I haven't tried but I know this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): Love,
Its an unusual situation you both have yourself in?
A girl told me once that she never farts, not once? A lie right there as our bodies are constantly making gas and it has to disperse somewhere.
I think you have a very caring partner who from your insecurities is being put in a position that is not his fault. We are male and just as you like to put on your makeup, we like to rub one out every now and then. I think you need to accept the fact that is in your face everyday and maybe use it to gain a little something for yourself.....:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): "hey let's see if the wife/gf/partner is interested in some fun and games before I waste this."
Happened to me many a time. Sometimes I come in from work and hear that distinct buzzing sound and head up to bedroom to join in. Although last week I got into a bit of trouble for sneaking up the stairs then running into our bedroom screaming while she was masturbating. It was hilarious haha, she nearly fell off the bed. If I'd known how painful a thrown vibrator was I probably wouldn't have done it haha.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2013):
 To the anonymous reader who I would reply to off the board if they were not anonymous...
I did not say he watches porn to get a hard-on FOR ME.
It just so happens that when he watches porn and I'm available he will use what he's acquired with me as opposed to on his own.
He's perfectly able to achieve a hard on and have relations with me without porn.... He does not need the porn to have sex with me... it's just an added bonus!
My point was that some men watch it and rub one out alone and some say "hey let's see if the wife/gf/partner is interested in some fun and games before I waste this.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
Honestly, it sounds like you're looking for a problem where none exists....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): So Very Confused...
If my partner was using porn so he could get a hard on for me, I wouldn't be telling anyone about it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): OP I have one very important rule I live by when it comes to trusting a loved one who has earned that. Never distrust them unless THEY give me reason to.
Not some bullshit you read, not some study, not something someone says, not what's common, not the possibility that they may be lying. The cold hard act of them directly betraying it. Nothing else.
Stop wrapping yourself up in paranoia based on what you read. Life is not that black and white and the only certainty is death, there are no hard facts or certainties in relationships. Most men wank, true, most women do too but yours doesn't and you don't, so what's the problem?
One thing you seem to have missed, the most easy thing that could have prevented all this.
If you have no problem with masturbation then why the hell would he feel the need to lie about if he did actually masturbate? You have no problem with it, so if he did have a tug to relieve some of the pent up juices then why would he need to lie? he wouldn't and he didn't.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Leave the guy alone! He stood by you when you were in the hospital. I assume he went out of his way to take care of you when you came home. This is how you repay him??
If there's one attitude that can help you in regards to porn/masturbation in a good marriage, it's this:
Repeat after me:
"I don't wanna know!"
That's it. If porn/masturbation isn't interfering with your marriage, then you don't want to know! Stop focusing on creating a crisis out of nothing. This guy loves you, and your obsessing over what you *think* his sex drive should be is going to hurt an otherwise healthy marriage.
Believe it or not, a little bit of privacy in a marriage does it some good! As long as he's not cheating on you, having an emotional affair, or spending money on prostitutes, what's the problem?? You say you don't mind if he occasionally looks at porn or masturbates, so leave it at that!
If you're wanting sex more than twice per week, talk to him about it. Many people, guys included, are fine with that, and sex lives have natural ebbs and flows! Sometimes stress makes it a bit less, sometimes vacations or happy times increase the sex. Don't go freaking out when there's no cause, and give the guy some privacy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have sex twice a week on average. We had gone almost 2 weeks with nothing because of sickness and I was in the hospital so it isn't a usual occurrence. To so very confused, I didn't say it was normal for all married people to not masturbate I was only talking about our relationship. I also understand the future will likely be different. I'm glad you understand where I am coming from about the lying. I don't care much what I'm told, I just don't want to be lied to. Also my husband is older, 32, so I think that contributes to a slightly lower sex drive than younger guys and how he used to be.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 So what you are saying is that neither of you are masturbating or having sex and your question is about his lying?! Doesn't sound like much of a party round your house ;)
But as long as you are both happy. If he says he hasn't done it and given no reason/evidence for lying then I would trust him. Relationships are about trust, believe someone unless you have good reason not to even if what they say us weird!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 January 2013):
 ANYTHING is "possible"..... There are two greater questions to be addressed:
1. Is it likely? (.... or, plausible?), and,
2. Does it make any difference?
Here's my take:
For 1.: Sure there may be lots of guys who don't avail themselves to the myriad porn outlets.... no Web sites, no girly magazines, no racy TV or DVDs..... You're too young to remember that - 50 years ago, "Playboy" magazines... with a bare breast or two... were about the raciest media that a guy could find... It's not outlandish to find a guy who sez, "I know it's available (or, maybe, he doesn't!).... but it doesn't interest me...."
For 2.: What difference DOES IT make? Assuming that the "porn" question is behind us..... then why is there any question about masturbation? It's harmless (save for the corrective lenses...).... and, some people actually make it a part of their "lovemaking".... IF a guy (or girl) were to masturbate IN SUBSTITUTION for a "regular" sex/love life with their partner... then that is its own question.... Is that what you are asking? If "No," then you may put this "question" behind you, as well.....
And, finally,... you write: "...since porn and masturbation are necessary according to everyone on this site..." Don't spend a lot of time worrying about what "everyone on this site" says.... Do your own thinking and - considering the information you have - draw your OWN conclusions..
I hope this submittal gives you a new, and healthy, consideration fo the question(s) that you posed....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2013):
FWIW, my first husband was not ever a porn user. I have no clue if he's ever masturbated in his life but I'm sure he has.
My current husband used to use porn a LOT more than he does not. He even has favorite porn stars... and it does not bother me.
I'm happily married and i love my husband madly. My sex drive is much higher than his so of course I masturbate... and he knows it and I know he does occasionally too.
Now when he watches porn he comes to find me instead of "taking care of himself"
I am with you that the ONLY issue I have is Lying....
don't lie to me about anything. You find another woman attractive, TELL ME... there is no crime in seeing the beauty in others. I don't find his use of porn or masturbating upsetting either.
I try very had to respect women that are vehemently against porn. I do not like anything other than pretty vanilla stuff... no scat, no snuff, no rape fantasy.... no violence...
It's highly possible your husband is not lying to you.
To assume however that because you don't masturbate and have no need to means no married person does is incorrect.
You are young... when you hit your sexual peak in ten years or so and your husband's sex drive can't keep up with yours do let me know how that not masturbating is going.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk well I'll explain again, I am not against masturbation... It's a simple question- he says he doesn't watch porn OR even masturbate, so the question was is that possible. That's it. I am against porn, not masturbation. I'm also against lying. All I've ever heard is that men must masturbate so when he says he hasn't at all in years I wonder why he'd lie. Then figure it's associated with porn so he probably lies about it all.
I spoke with him last night and told him I wrote this question. He again said he hasn't masturbated and/or watched porn in years. He then asked me when was the last time I masturbated (knowing full well I haven't since I was single, haven't felt the need to). It proved his point I suppose, if I don't have the urge to masturbate in years then why is he expected to. I always heard and thought men had to, he says he doesn't and prefers to wait until sex and we haven't gone too long to need it. So I'll believe him and ignore the things I read on here.
Also thanks to male anonymous, I really appreciate your answer, it helped me. I will trust him.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (31 January 2013):
Does he have a low sex drive? Seems strange he isn't that bothered about masturbating. I expect a man to both have sex and masturbate same as women. Porn is a totally different issue as its degrading to women etc.
do you ever masturbate? Since you seem against it?!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): My boyfriend has a gift where he stays hard but takes a LOT to make him come, so it means really good sex for me and at times frustrating for him since he can't 'arrive'.
When we're not together, I watch porn to masturbate almost every day. He is older and less horny than me, and because of his 'gift' i know that even when he watches porn it's more out of boredom and just for a few minutes browsing a few videos...
Important: a lot of guys just go on porn when they're surfing and are BORED. I'm sure girls do it often as well.
Watching porn from time to time is NOT cheating, but satisfying sexual urges on a daily basis WITHOUT you would become problematic.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 January 2013):
 hi
This is a site for problems so when women come on here they are talking about men who are addicted to or refuse to give up porn. The worst case scenarios.
If your man say he does not watch porn,then he doesn't, why would you question this? Its not like he had to go without sex for months or a year is it? He was probably more concerned about your health than his sex drive.
I would stay off this site before you start imagining all sorts of issues he has.He has told you he doesn't watch porn or masterbate, accept it.Him masterbating would be no big deal anyway
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A
female
reader, liveNlearn12 +, writes (31 January 2013):
well if you straight out ask your boyfriend if he watches porn and he is, he is going to say no.But I think you can get a guy who doesn't watch porn but I think that at some time in his lifetime he has watched it. Most men during there younger years do , a lot of women as well. that's pretty normal. As long as they are not doing it like every day or are obsessed. There is a difference between watching porn every once in a blue moon and being addicted. I think some women are with guys that are addicted because if they weren't addicted the women wouldn't be complaining about it . I think most guys who have that under control hide it and it's not that big of a deal to them. You were on the porn section of the site lol. Anyways I personally don't like my guy to watch porn but if they did it every once in a while just don't let me know about it. good luck to you take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): Trust your husband, Seriously. Everyone who says all guys watch porn, are either.1. A guy who watches porn.2. A woman who's significant other watches porn.Of course they are going to say that, because porn is normal to them. Not all guys watch porn. FACT.Not all guys need to masturbate every hour of every day, quite possibly he only masturbates twice a week, you have sex twice a week, so why would he need to?Trust him.Trust him.He's the one you're in a relationship with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): If that is true you are the luckiest woman I know you have got what all the women in the pornography section on this site are looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I don't think the OP is bothered about him masturbating, she is bothered about him using porn I think. There probably is some men who get bored of using porn. Some blokes use their imagination. It bugs me when people say what would you rather have him looking at porn or thinking of your sister or your friends, why the hell not think of your own girlfriend it doesn't make any sense!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 January 2013):
Porn is everywhere and unfortunately, whatever your opinion of it, it does cause problems in many relationships and is a subject commonly discussed on this site. Then again, so is cheating, but are all men, or for that matter all women, cheats? Of course not! Stop suspecting your husband because of some misguided notion that either porn or masturbation are necessary for men. Don’t think about men like they’re all the same, think about your man specifically. He doesn’t tell lies, so why are you doubting him? Either you’ve got some grounds for suspecting him or he’s broken your trust in other ways, or some-one else has in your past. There is no inevitability that he watches porn or masturbates. An absence of any masturbation at all during a man’s life is quite rare, there are men who never masturbate though. Perhaps he has done in the past, but he’s now finding his sex drive completely satisfied by the amount of sex in your relationship so he doesn’t need to masturbate. That’s perfectly plausible isn’t it? A man may masturbate and perhaps watch porn as a single man but find no need for either when he has a relationship. Why are you unconvinced?
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 January 2013):
I don't tell her. It's probably one of those "don't ask don't tell" things. I only do it when I'm desperate and sex isn't an option. I also masturbate more frequently with my imagination now; in fact I've turned porn off because it wasn't doing anything for me and continued with my imagination.
Man, I'm glad this is anonymous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question None of this has to do with boredom or creating conflict, I really hate conflict and want to avoid it. That's why I accepted his answer and said okay rather than push it with him. It's a lot of curiousity whether what he's saying could be true when all I hear are things to the exact opposite. I'd love to hear a guy write in and say he hasn't masturbated in years and never watches porn because that means its far more likely my husband is telling the truth. He has a lower sex drive then a lot of men so I did believe him but after reading posts on here I'm beginning to feel like an idiot for believing him so easily. My issue is not with masturbation but being lied to. I don't care if it was as stupid an issue as he said he bought cheese at a certain store when it was different store, I'd be mad because its a lie. I've even told him if he watched porn because it had been awhile I wouldn't be really mad, I just don't want to be lied to about it.
To cmmp- you say you stopped watching porn for your wife but then say you watch it once a month or so. Does she know this and not care or do you keep it from her? That's what I'm worried about, that my husband told me he doesn't just to make me happy but then still does one in a blue moon and lies to me. I think masturbation is linked to porn so he would lie about both together. How believable is it that a guy goes from watching porn to masturbate to doing so with his imagination..? I didn't force him to tell me be doesn't masturbate but if I asked if he watched porn when we weren't having sex for awhile he automatically says he hasn't done anything in years.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2013):
Not all men are porn hounds who masturbate constantly! His sex drive very well may be satisfied at the level it is now. There have been guys who have posted on here who found porn degrading and disgusting.
Seriously, not all guys need it, like there aren't all guys who drink or smoke or whatever. Some stereotypes are defied, and it's okay!
Not all women are emotional high-strung drama shopaholics who don't like sex and who live to take men's freedoms away from them. Stereotypes are stupid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): "And for the record he isn't someone who lies."
Yet you don't trust him or you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be paranoid about a load of bullshit on a site where people only really come when they have problems.
That's like only watching horror movies and thinking the world is full of serial killers.
Is your relationship that boring that you feel the need to stir things up and question his honesty and loyalty?
I'm sorry OP, but you're looking for a problem that isn't actually there, you have no evidence for it, it does not exist in your relationship yet you're desperately seeking it.
It says a lot about you that you're looking for a reason why your relationship is bad, what it says I don't know, but you'd want to ask yourself why you're looking for ways in which your relationship can be ended.
Men who don't watch porn do exist, of course they do and if your husband says he is and doesn't lie then why are you questioning his integrity. Is he that bad a husband?
As for whether he masturbates or not, what the hell is wrong with masturbation? And why is it any of your business?
Forgive me OP but you sound like a very insecure, control freak trying to ensure you have 100% control over every aspect of your husbands sexuality, to the point where even masturbation is a contentious issue for you and one you keep bringing up. I hope he's allowed touch his penis for a pee and when washes.
How many times does he have to say no before you'll believe him? Why is it instead of trusting your husband who you say doesn't lie and you have no reason not to distrust, do you come to us looking for ways to question his loyalty?
Sorry if I come off very damning sounding OP but I just never get why people want to make an issue when there actually isn't any.
If you ask me you just don't trust him and maybe you should sit him down let him know how little faith you have in him.
If I'm wrong and it's not that then where has all this come from? from reading this site? Then go away from here OP. You're seeing the very worst of situations here, the worst case scenario in most cases and you can't seem to process that without being paranoid. Time to go back to sites with funny pictures of cats and babies or something. Don't believe everything you read and maybe you should try trusting your husband if he's earned that kind of respect.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Yes, it's quite possible your husband doesn't look at porn. It's not for everyone. I'm not sure I would believe the part where he says he doesn't masturbate, though. That DOES seem far fetched. I guess it's possible, but more than likely he does it and doesn't want you to know, because he figures you'll assume he's thinking about other women.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (30 January 2013):
OP I think you need something more important to worry about. He may well be telling you the truth. If you have been in hospital he may have too much stress and anxiety to care for porn and wacking off. But if he took care of a little selflove in the shower or bath so what? I never need porn or self help when I am home, but when away for work I certainly do. If my wife asked my I would tell her straight, but if I knew she would freak then crrtainly a white lie would be justified, would it not?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 January 2013):
There are guys who don't watch porn, the real issue is when women say "Why won't my guy stop?" If he's already watching it he probably won't stop.
The thing about it is that most men don't stop, not because they can't, but because they don't see the problem. If there isn't a problem why quit?
I virtually stopped watching porn for my wife. I may watch it once a month tops. It wasn't a big deal for me.
What I find hard to believe is that your husband doesn't even masturbate. Did you force him to tell you this in order to avoid conflict?
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