A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,The other night I was talking to this guy that I know fairly well but is still considered an acquaintance. We were texting and he asked "why do you wear so much makeup? Not to say you look bad but i'm sure you're pretty naturally". I don't know why but it really bothers me when people make comments about that. I work in the beauty industry and am a professional stylist and makeup artist so I know how to apply it and take pride in my craft... and not to toot my own horn but I get lot's of compliments on the looks i do on myself as well. But when I get that once in a blue moon negative comment it just puts me off and hurts me. I'm not going to change my appearance because it makes me happy but why do people say such things?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): Definitely it would be beneficial to you not to get upset over this guy comment, but a simple rule should be a applied to all conversation unless it's your best friend or a child, or a parent: no personal comments or questions. It includes: age, money, weight, appearance in general. Also questions like is it you son, or is it your mom should be avoided at all. I own a business that involves a lot of customer care. It tought me a lot over the years. People are different,some are more fragile and sensitive than others. Why I'd there is even a slightest chance to ruin someones day, do it anyway. Life is hard as it is. At the party about a month ago one fat guy asked me the opposite , why I wear so little make up. I just looked at his protruding belly for enough time for him to understand that next question will be mine. He just walked away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): He prefers the natural look is what it sounds like. He's just letting you know what he likes. To him, too much make up isn't his thing. Hands down, most men prefer a less made up, more natural looking appearance on an attractive woman.
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I don't think he meant to be mean but I certainly don't think you are being too sensitive and it was a nice compliment either. I think he is one of those who speaks without thinking. They don't understand what they are saying could be hurtful and don't really think about it. I'm sure he has put his foot in his mouth many times in his life and will continue to. Try to ignore his comment, distance yourself from him if you can. Such crass people should take a class in etiquette. You don't just speak whatever comes into your head.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I think he was, in a fumbling way, trying to tell you that he thinks you're naturally pretty. And he'd like to see you with a ''less is more'' approach to makeup.
Some guys find the whole array of blush, mascara, eye makeup, applied lip stick, gloss and more a little intimidating on particular occasions.
And occasionally they want to see their girl in jeans, a top and minimalist makeup or barely there makup or better still freshly cleansed skin plus a moisturiser and nothing more.
Even if you cleanse, tone and moisturise every day it is still good to occasionally give your skin a break and wear no makeup
Perhaps just forgive him a little? I don't think he meant any harm.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Because it is easier to say "don't mean to offend" then not to offend.
I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings, just that he thought you were just waiting for his critique to complete you as a person. You weren't. Ignore it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I agree with those that don't see it as negative.
It was not. It was a straght forward question.
would you have been offended if he had said "why do you always wear skirts?"
I know that if folks said to me "why do you always wear skirts?" (jeans are the accepted norm at my office for men and women, dressing up usually indicates a job interview or sadly a funeral) I would not be offended. I would not see it as a criticism in any way. It's a curiosity...
The answer for me would be "because my hubby prefers it" and I don't see it as a judgment.
I don't' see the question as a judgment so much as a point of information.
It's like saying "why are you overweight?" it's not a judgment it's a question... the person who adds judgement to it is the one with the issue.
The fact that you found it judgmental and and hurtful says how YOU view the fact that you wear "so much makeup"
Regardless of if it's properly applied or artful, if it's SO noticeable that folks ask about it, you know that it's "not the norm" and you feel cognitive dissonance about it.
You are doing what you want and THAT is fine, but you have to know that it's not "average" to do so. Hence folks will ask.
And because you know you are bucking "the norm" you get sensitive about it.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I disagree with everyone who's said it's a backhanded compliment. It's actually a criticism of the amount of makeup she's wearing.
Seriously, the "not to say you look bad" is the same as "No offense, but..." people say to soften negative comments. He might not have meant ill, but I agree with those who said he talks before he thinks.
I don't think he meant to put you off or hurt you. Instead, treat it like someone who passed gas in your office. Ignore the rudeness, because his words were a verbal fart, to be honest. Blow it off, because you have thicker skin than this.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 January 2013):
He's just saying that he thinks you look beautiful just the way you are. It's not about changing looks, power, industry standards, morals etc etc etc. You need to relax and calm down and stop over reacting.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Sometimes, people engage their mouths before their brains are in gear.....
You can give him the benefit-of-the-doubt... that his comment was actually a "backhanded" compliment... that he was REALLY "saying"... "I think that you are so pretty - without make-up - that your use of make-up hides some natural beauty..." Imagine that .... and see if you can't cut him some slack......
Good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Why are there so many people out there looking to be offended? Why are there so many people that can't understand that we don't and don't have to have the same sensitivities as you?
He asked a simple question. Why do you wear so much make up? You're the one who is sensitive about that, I'm pretty sure if he knew how sensitive you were about it he wouldn't have said it. Besides he was trying to tell you that you're beautiful without it, it's not his fault you twisted that to mean he thinks you're an over-made-up skank who is shit at applying makeup. Most of us think women are more beautiful the more natural they look, we don't see any artistry in make-up or appreciate it the same way you do. We just see something that's going to leave a chemical taste in our mouths.
OP you know exactly what he was trying to say but decided you'd rather be offended than actually take the compliment as it was meant.
You twisted what he said to be offended on purpose.
It's like asking a woman her age. Simple question, yet so many get very offended by it, apparently it means we think you're old when we ask that. Or asking a man how much money he makes, again crazy offence is taken, apparently you're challenging his masculinity and ability to provide.
It's funny, the other night I was at a party with my fiancée and ended up sitting with her and group of other women when one of them suddenly mentioned how fat she thought she was, cue the chorus of "oh no babe/you're gorgeous/you're not fat/you're like a stick" and then my response "why, how much do you weigh?" To which the whole conversation stopped and everyone looked at me like I had three heads.
Simple question, I'm in to health and fitness and was wondering if she was as over weight as she thought or not. But oh no, to her I basically called her a fat disgusting lard spewing, whale-beast that should be put down and I was told I was horrible for being so insensitive.
OP if you're so damn sensitive about make-up then why are working in that kind of job? That's like a doctor who hates being asked questions by people.
You know what he meant, you know he didn't mean any offence so why the hell did you choose to be offended? You really expect the whole world to share your sensitivities?
I met an American once who thought Irish people were all assholes because we use the term "Jesus Christ" as a form of exclamation. "Jesus Christ! did you see how high that guy jumped!?" etc. Literally thought we were a bunch of offensive godless morons because we didn't share his sensibilities.
Well we're not the ones who will go through life taking inane comments to heart and feeling hurt by them. I freely tell people my age and weight if they ask, I'll tell people my penis size too if they want to know.
If you choose to take people's comments the wrong way, then don't complain about people "like, so mean :'(" Welcome to world OP, it's not all rainbows, puppies and kittens.
Let me guess you're feeling very offended by my post right now aren't you? Not my problem.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): It sounds as if he was actually trying to pay you a compliment. TO HIM, less is obviously more when it comes to make-up.
It's kind of like the way some guys prefer breast implants on women and others find them fake-looking. Neither opinion is "wrong" to have; it's just a matter of personal preference. With make-up you have the added issue of it being temporary. Do you spend hours in front of the mirror each morning? Will you leave the house without your "look" in place? Not saying this is you, but many girls who wear heavy make-up are that way and many guys are not so into that level of "high maintenance."
Clearly, when it comes to cosmetics, the guy you're texting prefers the "natural" look on girls. I don't think you should change for this guy, provided the make-up you wear is ONLY to make *you* happy and not due to some insecurity you're not admitting. But you now have some valuable insight as to what this specific guy finds attractive. Don't take it personally if he ultimately dates girls who are more in line with his natural preference. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I think you are probably being over-sensitive to an observation that he made. In HIS eyes, he thinks you wear too much makeup. He is a guy. A girl could think the same thing. If he had said, you look trashy or horrible with all that makeup on, that would be an insult, but what he said would be something I would actually take into consideration...you probably don't need so much if he noticed. Young girls wear far too much makeup because they think that's what they are supposed to do with all the commercials and advertisements in magazines and it's often way too much and or way over the top.
If the comment is bothering you, there must be some truth to it. Otherwise, you would take it with a grain of salt because you are certain it's not. You should be comfortable in your own skin and do what looks best on YOU, not what someone else says or trying to copy what some unrealistic photoshopped picture you see in a magazine looks like.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 "But when I get that once in a blue moon negative comment it just puts me off and hurts me. "
It wasn't a negative comment. He was giving you a compliment. I think the reason why you took it as something negative is because you yourself, deep down, don't think you look pretty naturally, and dislike wearing so much make-up. I mean if you loved wearing make-up and had no other reason to wear it, I don't think you'd be offended at all, but see that this man was actually giving you a compliment.
I admit he worded himself in an awkward manner, but the intention was still: he thinks you are beautiful, with or without make-up, but would love to see how you look naturally. Men tend to prefer the natural look on women, and I think this was just his way of saying he'd like to get to know you better and see who you are underneath your "mask".
Like Serpico said: "No one can be condescending to you or make you feel bad with words without your permission....."
This is true. The words of someone else don't have the power to make you feel bad, you let it make you feel bad. And my guess is that this is a topic you feel insecure about, that you are insecure about your own natural beauty. Hence you were offended by the comment. But if I was told the same I would have taken it as a compliment...
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female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 People always have something to say
'Your chubby'
Your wayy too skinny'
'This dress is wayy too tight'
Who cares?let them talk..!what's important is you should be happy with what you are,and how you look..people who really care about you will give you the right advise the others will just pass snide comments!
This guy may mean it in a way that 'ur beautiful naturally and don't need make up'
First off make up enhances natural beauty I don't see anything wrong in wearing make up!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 January 2013):
No one can be condescending to you or make you feel bad with words without your permission.....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I disagree with most other commentators on this one. I too would find this observation or comment offensive. Seems completely pointless of the guy to ask such as question... he has poor manners and might even have traces of asperger syndrome. I would just not flirt any more with him.
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (30 January 2013):
 some people speak and don't use their brains. they just talk off of the top of their head. it would pay people like that to speak less and listen more. some times they are self absorbed "think of them self".
i would not let it bother me, if i was you. its shallow thinking of him at best. i take it you took the high road and did not make a rude commit back, that shows good character .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Take his question as face value and read nothing into it. Why do you wear so much make up? "I wear that much makeup because it is the industry I am in, I love it, enjoy and advertise my craft". "Thanks for your compliment, you are right, I am beautiful naturally too"...
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 January 2013):
I'm sure it wasn't meant to be hurtful. In fact he probably thought that he was giving you a compliment. Some people wear a lot of makeup base they don't feel good about the way they look; maybe he thought you fell into that category.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 January 2013):
 i think you're taking it the wrong way than how he meant it. it sounds to me that he was trying to give you a compliment that you took as a put down. he's trying to say you're naturally pretty, and don't need all that in order to look amazing. you took it as he's saying you look bad with it on. just a simple miscommunication. i wouldn't worry about it too much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): How can "you're prettier naturally" be any hurtful ? He obviously didn't have his way with words, I personally think based on what you wrote that you are a bit sensitive, over thinking things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I hear guys say this a lot about women. I think in there mind they critique women according to looks. This pisses me off because it's like they are seeing us as objects. Not to say all men do this some women do this to men as well. To be honest this guy sounds like an ^^s. I once had a boyfriend from a different country who once told me girls in his country didn't wear the clothes style I wear and that the girls would laugh at me. I told him I wasen't in his country and I don't dress to please other people I dress to please myself. I got complimented later by a girl from his country on my outfit later that night. Moral of the story Forget what people think ! sometimes people are a^^^s and you said you like your make-up so who cares what they think ! next time just tell him "you don't have to like it because I do" lol
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (30 January 2013):
There are billions of people in the world, and not all of them are positive or have ur best interest at heart. And even when someone do care about u they may still say something they u may receive as being negative. U can't change people, but u can change how u respond to things u consider negative. First build your self esteem, second be selective and when people say something that hurts get it off your chest with them immediately or it could ruin u. Or just don't give a fuck. Trust me you'll get to the point in ur life where someone says something to u and they mean absolutely nothing to u, them or their comment and your response will be ohhhh, okay. The worst thing is allowing someone to have power over your day to give or take ur joy away. Be in control and give not two shits what any one say. If u can care less of this post ur reading then ur making progress. Be cautious lots of ppl live to see and tear down others, never let them see u sweat. Best wishes
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