A
female
age
30-35,
*oimoimoi
writes:From the beginning he was already involved with this older lady. And there was one more other girl staying at his place for a week just to travel around. And there was me. So it was more of a friends with benefit thing. And I know it was immature or whatever but I saw other guys too. Actually one of the 2 other guys I was seeing was his friend who i was sort of dating before I met him. But I felt like this was becoming more serious. I know once a friends with benefit is always a friends with benefits, but he kept implying how he doesn't want me to see other guys and how he would marry me if I was a little older. He is 12 years older than me. He even said the L word. At that time those other guys were long gone history to me already and I was head over hills for this guy. We were seeing each other every single day, like I almost lived in his place. Anyways I felt like he was feeling the same for me. That was my mistake. Anyways I talked to my best friend, even though he wanted this to be secret. And after we spent his birthday together, i made up my mind and told him I was this rrlationship to be exclusive since he seems to not want me to see other people, and likewise. But he said no, women always want more so he will not say yes. I left him and said how at least I won't waste my time anymore. That night I was extremely devastated, I know i shouldn't have wished so much, but it was all because of the L word and him telling me not to see other guys. Anyways, i was supposed to go out with my girlfriends and I thought that would make me feel better, so I went out. And there he was, one of the guys i was seeing before, who is his friend. I know, how stupid I was, but I wanted to feel wanted. And he was giving me that. Telling me how he wants me to be his only girl, and I definitely knew he just wants to get into my pants but anyways, I was hearing something I wished so much the other guy would've told me. And just like that, we had a one night stand. Of course the next morning I regreted so much. Anyways I stopped contacting both guys for like 3-4 days. But I missed him so damn much I asked him to meet me. He did, and of course he heard about my one night stand. I asked him to get back together. I knew he will never be exclusive with me but I did. I felt like it doesnt matter as long as I could be with him. How stupid was I. He actually wipped a little, telling me how I hurt him. And then he asked me one condition. That was for me to bring a girl to have threesome. Is this normal? Is this love? I am definitely being used if I say yes to that, and I gave him a good reason for that right? I should definitely stop seeing this guy and have a healthier relationship, right?
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best friend, friend with benefits, get back together, immature, one night stand, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Unfortunately movies and the media make it seem like men can only say "love" or "I love you" if they really, truly mean it.
The reality is much different though and many men and women use the word with no real truth behind it -- just to get their way. Just because he said "I love you" or even "I love you so much, you are my soulmate and I want to marry you"...they are just words. That is all. The only way these words can be proven true is through actions alone.
He does not love you, and is using you. Move on. Please move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Not love. So sorry Not your fault either. Sounds like maybe youve never had healthy people in your life show you what it is. Maybe start therapy?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Is that even a question ? ..
No, it's not normal. No, it's not love not even by a long shot. Yes, you will be most definitely used if you say yes ( but, no, you did NOT gave him a good reason, or any reason for that, being that you are not a couple, whom you have sex with is none of his business, and he has no right to " punish " you for your indiscretions ).
You should definitely stop seeing this guy, and pursue healtheir relationships... in future.
For the time being, I think you'd benefit from a hiatus in any romantic / sexual activity, because you sound very confused , vulnerable and manipulable. Learn to be on your own for a while and use the time to think who you are, what you want , and what you need to stay away from.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 You write: "That was for me to bring a girl to have threesome. Is this normal? Is this love? I am definitely being used if I say yes to that, and I gave him a good reason for that right? I should definitely stop seeing this guy and have a healthier relationship, right?"
This isn't "normal"..... it ISN'T love .... and you will DEFINITELY be "used".... Is there really any more to your "question"??????
Wake up... and good luck.....
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I can't believe you're even wondering if this is love! Furthermore, I can't believe you are even considering it. So many alarm bells should have been ringing your head by now but it would seem that you're a little naive.
A guy has basically told you that he will resume having sex with you if you bring another girl for him to have sex with! Can't you see how bad that sounds. He's only after one thing and unfortunately it isn't you, just your assets.
I'm also surprised that you accepted his answer when asking if he'd stop seeing other girls. He has already asked you to stop seeing other guys so he can feel like the king. Your body would now 'belong' to him and him only. How can you accept his hypocritical stance 'no you can't have sex with other guys but I can have sex with as many women as I choose!'
You need to seriously wake up and drop all contact with him, he does not care about you he only wants one thing and quite frankly he's a complete arsehole. Having a one night stand with that other guy means nothing. You weren't with anyone while you did it so you haven't hurt anyone.
You also need to understand that you don't have to get into bed with anyone who says you look pretty or are the girl of their dreams. Guys know exactly what to say when they want to get their end away and unfortunately you have fallen for it hook, line and sinker.
But you misguided take on love isn't your fault. No-one has told you differently and the way these pigs have treated you has left you thinking that this is the way things should be.
If you truly love someone and someone truly loves you, the thought of having sex with someone else will never enter your minds. The guy will be willing to listen to you and pander to your needs, not just expect you to do all of the giving in a relationship.
You must not agree to the threesome, you need to leave all of this and go searching for someone who actually loves and cares for you. Someone who isn't just after getting into bed with you. If you don't you're only going to get hurt and you don't deserve this. You deserve so much more, you are better than any arsehole. I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): darling you dont even have to ask. you know the answer. What kind of man is that? do u think his the marrying type? do you think this man loves you? Threesome? seriously? its for people who have mental problems. Cuz to me i have a standard. if a man doesn't respect me, its GOODBYE FOREVER. and if i were in your shoe, ill be brave to tell him i'm not going to bother to see him again. No matter what excuses he tells me. Its over. Respect is a must. If he doesn't love you he should at least still respect you and besides that one night stand happened when you and him are not ok.If a guy loves you he will understand, accept, forgive and forget. If he have conditions, fine as long as its a decent one. Guys like that deserves to be thrown in the trash can.Your still young, i bet your pretty too, don't waste it. You deserve a better guy. Good luck
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