A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I remain a friend to my ex, or should I leave him alone?BACKGROUND:My ex-boyfriend and I dated for three years in university then broke up. Before we split up we never fought. We are both down-to-earth and had only dated one other person before.We talked about marriage but months later I ended our relationship because when I asked him to move in with me he said he can't ever do that because of his parents and how he can't do so many things because he doesn't want them to be disappointed in him. (He lives with his mum and dad. He's lived there his whole life.)My ex has depression and hates living at home because his parents constantly nag at him and tell him he is useless. I believe living with his parents makes his depression worse, or may even be the cause of the depression.NOW:After breaking up there was a period of silence, but my ex and I now talk several times a week on the phone about how he hates his job and he wishes he moved out. He's not dating anyone else and neither am I. I couldn't live with him though because I'm being transferred overseas in two months.I will be in town this weekend for a conference and my ex asked if he could get dinner with me. He then invited me to have dinner with his family and I accepted. Then this morning he called me and said I can't go to his house for dinner because his mum got angry and said he ought to sever all ties with me, the Ex-Girlfriend, and how our relationship is unhealthy.QUESTION:What do you think? Is it unhealthy for me to keep in constant contact with my ex-boyfriend? I care about him and worry that he'll be stuck living with his mum and dad forever. Yet I don't think I can actually do anything to help him. I do wonder though if it's unhealthy for me to talk with him after I dumped him months ago, especially if everything I say is in contrast to what his parents tell him.
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, living at home, moved out, my ex, period, split up, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I see no need for ex partners to be friends. if you are close enough to be friends then be a couple.
I think many times we stay friends with an ex to soften the "failure' of the relationship...
unless you have kids together in which case friendly and civil is the way to go, I say sever all ties....
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Stop talking to this guy, you cannot help him in any way. Actually, no one can, till he himself decides that he wants to get out of his mess. He will always be dictated by his mommy and even though you want to help him, you cant because he is too strongly under the influence of his family. If he's stuck living with his mum and dad forever, then that's his problem, not yours. Just let him go. In any case, an ex is an ex for a reason and its best that you follow the no contact rule.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I expect that you've learned that this "Momma's boy" does none of his own thinking and deciding.... so, unless you would expose yourself to that sort of arrangement, then you'll be much more relaxed if you just go your separate ways....
Good luck....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): You should cease all contact as it is not healthy, you are not his mum and cannot save someone that does not want to be saved.
He can complain all he likes about his living arrangement, bottom line he chooses to be in that position and should grow balls to do things for himself.
...............................
|
