A
female
age
30-35,
*PONT91
writes:Hello, I am a 21 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When I first met him, we had a wonderful relationship...about 8 months into it, he started drifting away. He wanted to spend more time with his friends and not include me in their activities(when all of his friends' girlfriends were included!) This started causing me to get angry, asking him why the other girls got to go but why he did not want me to hang out with all of them. I kept feeling like he was ashamed of me. 2 months later (a week before Christmas) he all of the sudden said he needed a break on the phone!! I was heartbroken, besides the things I mentioned already, I thought our relationship was perfect...I guess it wasn't to him. Christmas Eve, he called me non-stop saying he made a mistake and wanted me back. I jumped for joy! On New Years Eve, I was working but got done early so I called him asking to go to dinner, and he said he was going to dinner with his friends. He basically refused to make room for me saying they barely got a reservation for 10 people in the first place. I was fuming, all I wanted was to start a new year with him and he was being so cruel. I hung up the phone on him, and when I called back, he said he made a mistake and said he needed another break to be alone for a while. I was crushed!!! I couldn't believe he was doing this to me again! Fast forward one month and he wants me back, and of course I wanted him back. So over the next 9 months, he showed no interest in making a better relationship. He called me to hang out and I knew he just wanted sex. We saw each other basically 2 times a week if that! Then, on Halloween, he fell asleep and I lurked his laptop. I went through his computer photos and saw a bunch of nude pictures of girls, a video of him and I having sex (without my knowledge that he filmed us!!) and a bunch of pictures of him with this one gorgeous girl that I had seen on Facebook. By the dates on the photos, I knew that he was seeing this girl on our break back in January. I left his house while he was asleep. When he woke up he admitted to me he was sleeping with this girl but "realized that she was a stuck up b**** and I ended it and knew I missed you". I couldn't seem to trust him, after a week of being broken up I took him back. A month later he had left his Facebook up and I went through his messages, and it was filled with him flirting with girls over the last year!! My trust for him is so long gone and I feel like I deserve better. I am just so confused because he is literally like my only friend, and he is my best friend. I talk to him all the time and I am so comfortable with himm! After the messages I found, he has tried like 90% more to make this work, but I don't feel like I'm his number one, and I feel my self esteem go down by the thought of that gorgeous girl he had a brief relationship with and the girls he had been talking to via internet. So should I break up with my love and best friend or should I stay and try to suck it up? Let me state again that he is my best friend and no matter how much he has hurt me, I do not want to hurt him. But I feel like I'm slowly rotting away. Would anyone else stay with him and work things out?
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a break, best friend, christmas, crush, facebook, flirt, heartbroken, nude pictures, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2013):
 oh sweetie you are going to feel awful no matter what.
bite the bullet and get it over with
and go NO CONTACT with him... block his phone, his email and all social media.... I promise 6 weeks after the break up you will be feeling better.
A
female
reader, APONT91 +, writes (25 January 2013):
APONT91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you all are correct and I know I should end this, but my question is how should I do it without feeling awful, and when should I do it? Is there ever a good time?!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2013):
He's a liar and a cheater. He's never been true to you and never will be.
He's not your best friend as he has no respect for you as a person.
he uses you when he can't find someone else to play with.
To be honest you can't hurt him. He's bulletproof. Selfish people like this do not hurt when you take care of yourself. they try to make you believe they hurt but it's only because they are afraid of losing a comfort zone.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 no. You gotta put your happiness first and he clearly aint doing that.he puts you last on his list..filming you during sex without your knowledge + he cheated on you. Aaaaah come on my sister..this is not the one for you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 WE guys who claim to be "thrifty" (read: "we're cheap") do this, something, which is interesting:
In order to save the price of gifts at Christmas and Valentine's Day, we do a "light" break-up with our G/Fs just before Christmas. AND, we intend to ressurect things shortly after Valentine's Day.... after having dodged those expensive gift events....
Unfortunately, in that intervening interval is NEW YEAR'S EVE... an annual rite.... during which we are expected to have some "arm candy" on us... For THAT, we must come up with a half-hearted "make-up" with the girl we dumped just before Xmas....but we have to carefully assure that we leave ourselves an "out" (another "light" break-up) so that we get that space we need until February 15th...
I think that's what happened here, to you....
Think about whether or not you want to spend you time with a guy like that......
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Simple answer, he is not worth it.
You deserve better and he is just taking advantage of the feelings you have for him. Just cut all contact with him and move on. It may seem hard but trust me a few months down the line and you'll look back and realise you don't think about him much anymore.
It will be for the best!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 There's nothing to work out, he clearly is not that much into you, you are something convenient to fall back on... till the next time .
Not only you should break up with your love and best Friend, but you should reconsider your very concept of " friendship ". A friendship is a relation based on mutual trust between equals, not something where one of the friends is used by the other for lack of better options , self interest or force of habit and laziness.
If this is your best friend, I don't want to know your enemies.
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