A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I post this question if anione know of any service s that help with communication skills.My husband is a very nice man, and most of the time we get alone. The way he communicates with people around him and his customers needs improvement. He is a very detail oriented man. He brings so much details into conversation that a person that he talks to gets annoyed, tired and distracted. They walk away excusing themselves often, and he doesn't see it. He doesn't notice any reaction from people.It embarrasses me, but when I try to point it out to him, he refuses to believe me.In our business what he does he explains to every customer how exactly he is going to work on their project, and not only giving details on step of operation, but he also describes the physical action how the process will go.Customers not only don't care about it but get annoyed, and even after they tell him, just do it, you are the expert, he still goes on and on.It results in him spending so much time with each customer, that his days become very long and not very productive.Also socially he always needs to talk and tell stories. He also has a habit of not letting anyone interrupting him with a question or a comment. This is very peculiar to me,as basically I never met anyone who doesn't react to other people trying to say something. His speech flows even if someone wants to ask him something during his stories, like if a person didn't understand a certain moment and needs clarification.The funny part is that he interrupts all the time. When we are together I have no chance to talk. He starts talking over my words, even raising his voice, so people would hear him, not the other person. When I need to ask something from a person, and he is right there, he starts talking to that person before I finished my question about something not even related to my question. Sometimes if I need a particular information from someone I need to ask him/ her several time before it gets answered, as my husband is right there interrupting non stop.Sometimes he gets very excited with topic or a person, and this is it, an evening is finished for me. He tells stories after stories That I heard many times. He also like to talk about our daughter. Her life indeed is interesting, she travelled the world, more than us, being only in her 20s, and she is well rounded young lady, but really who cares but closest friends and family? He doesn't get that fact, and keep telling everyone about her long stories abbot her accomplishments.The list goes on. But he doesn't believe when I point it out to him. I begin to really suffer when he gets like this. My daughter completely agrees with me. She also tells me that daddy tells her long stories about something that she can't relate to. For example, last visit he was feeding her story after story what happened with him on a road and what terrible drivers are around.If he doesn't have any reaction whatsoever to what I have to say, may be there is some help out there, at least we can try and have him listen to another person on effective way of cpmmunicating. I just don't know where to look Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): He sounds quite entertaining to me and I think 'Oldbag' has a good point about the dramatics. This world is often dull and miserable with cold sour hard faces who want to be seen as 'Proper' when someone is open and friendly, I find it a breath of fresh air. He's has character.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): OK since your daughter is in her 20s that means you've been with this guy for over 20 years. And only NOW are you noticing or getting annoyed about all these things about him??
Are these recent changes in his behavior? if so I would suspect a psychiatric/medical condition that affects his cognitive functions or social interaction skills, if he is not picking up on social cues for example.
but if he's always been like this for over 20 years as long as you've been married, he's unlikely to change now! then you'll just have to either accept it or distance yourself from him if his behavior really aggravates you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 In your husband's defense, IF i went to someone for a skill I did not have, I want to know the minute details. HOW they are doing it, why they do it one way vs another... the more info I have the better. My husband feels the same way... don't tell me "you need to do this" and not tell me why...
That being said:
Would your husband be receptive to being taught the KISS principle...
KEEP
IT
SIMPLE
STUPID (or silly if you must)
but basically you could stroke his ego with "honey I know how smart you are and how you love to explain things to people but I think that MOST people would prefer to not have their brains have to deal with stuff that's beyond them... would you consider cutting back on the explanations and then when you are done you can ask them if they have enough information?"
I know for me at work... I do something very specific in the computer field... and I assume that most other computer geeks in my office get it...but because of how specialized it is, I find myself being the "subject matter expert" and OVER explaining it sometimes... I usually start with... do you want more info or are you ok with my just doing it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): Oldbag, he doesn't have time for theater, we are very busy, it would be though a great experience.
He explains to customers something that customers can't even understand, it's an extra unnecessary information that no one can use. For example he explain how exactly he is going to fix something. In my eyes it's the same as you come to a doctor and he explains to you how he is going to cut you open, and what scalpel he will use.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 February 2013):
 Hi
Has he any interest in Amatuer Dramatics,a local theatre group? It would give him the chance to talk and to have to learn lines and speak in turn? It would maybe re-train him a bit and his focus would be on a new pastime.
As for explaining things to customers,its a good service, if they don't want to know the details they can say. Or maybe suggest to him he asks them first if they need an explanation?
As he is otherwise a good husband I would try to get past these things, if kids are anything to go by they just roll their eyes when the parents go on a bit.Make a joke of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): Thank you all for answering and a book, and a site.
I ll try that.
Chigirl, please dont tell anyone what they should or shouldnt do, and how they should feel and how they should become a better wifes and children. You are talking to a complete stranger, and you should not do any judgements whatsoever, thats for sure.
How my husband interrupts me its not only his business, its mine also, as he interrupts ME. Do you get my point? I m involved very closely.
Him being a good man doesnt have anything to do with his manner of talking. Its too diffent issues, one doesnt illiminate another.
Also i dont need to read minds of others, its obvious. I can read body language, and its enough for me. I m not making anything up, i see it too often. People will NEVER tell him themselves, dont you know?
Me and my daughter are actually very good at communicating what we think to him ina nice manner, but itdoesnt work, he keeps on going on.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 January 2013):
 My husband sometimes does this too. If you ask him "What time is it?" He'll tell you how to make a clock. After 38 years of marriage I can spot a disertation coming on and I just go to that happy place in my mind.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 "It embarrasses me, but when I try to point it out to him, he refuses to believe me."The manner in which he speaks to other people is HIS problem. Stop making it your problem. If he wants to be detailed, and if he bores people, then it is up to HIM to decide whether to do something about it or not. As long as YOU don't find him boring then why should you worry yourself with what others think of him? The opinion of others is pointless to worry about. You should also take more pride in your husband, and not sink to embarrassment. He is your husband after all, and I suspect he's got several great qualities that are the reason for why you are married to him. You should be proud of him. Not embarrassed. This embarrassment speaks nothing of him, but of yourself only. It shows a weaknes in you, a weaknes for considering the opinion of others above your own opinion. In my opinion, it is you and your daughter who need to work on communication. If your husband tells you a story you find boring YOU tell him "I have heard this story before, and as great a story as it is, I really do not want to hear it several times". Could it not be your husband is a bit forgetful? He might not remember that he already told the story. Also, you don't know what other people think! You believe they are bored, but really they might be interested in hearing the story. And at any rate, it is they themselves who must speak up and tell him they find it boring, if that is truly how they feel. It is not your job to read the minds of others and then tell your husband what they think. And if everyone starts to avoid your husband, and he ends up with no social life.. well then it is still his job, not yours, to make the right changes. And if he wants help he'll ask you for it. Otherwise you need to leave him alone to his quirky old self. My boyfriends father is a very educated man. He teaches at a high school, and speaks Norse, a language the vikings spoke and no one speaks any longer. Oh, and Latin too naturally. And is well educated on dialects and special local words that no one else know the meaning of. And he literally speaks in riddles. I imagine his wife is QUITE tired of always having to guess what it is he says, or always hearing the same stories about how this or that word came to be, and what meaning it originally had and what not. I see her rolling her eyes, or sighing when he begins. I know she is frustrated, it is quite obvious. But hey, this is how people are. And so she just starts to talk to someone else about something else, if she is tired of hearing it. Or she will just leave. That's another perfectly good option for you. My boyfriend on the other hand absolutely LOVES to hear all these stories, several times too. So people will have differing opinions. I for one think it can be tiresome on some occasions, but I absolutely love it on other occasions. For example, he is quite handy to have around when you're tired of ordinary small talk (oh, and what about the weather today?). Try to see the good for the good, and don't pay so much attention to the bad. Find out good solutions for you to not get so tired of it, and leave the opinion of others to.. others.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 January 2013):
 When I started my "career"..... after college, 'way back in 1973, my first boss gave me a copy of Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People".... and recommended that I (re-)read it periodically. I have probably read it 10 times.... and the message is apt and "current", every time.... Get hubby a copy and ask him to read it, for his FIRST time..... It is a great tome on communicating effectively with people...
P.S. It "works" on communicating with one's partner/wife, as well!!!!!
Hope things go well for the two of you....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2013):
he's wife hearing impaired.. sometimes they can hear what we need to say if someone else says it.
my husband is similar.. he rambles on... and I am never sure what his point is...
a google search for communication skills training shows a lot of options:
https://www.google.com/search?q=communication+skills+training&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.yahoo:en-US:official&client=firefox
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