A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her? My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs.I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her head.He uses her only calls her for sex then don't be bothered.She some how fell in love but for my husband could care less.
View related questions:
affair, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
Most men can use a woman just for sex almost indefinitely. We have sex and love almost completely separate. Most women dont.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): whatever anyone says... I believe (and have read this somewhere)... that men do form an emotional bond with someone they sleep with... and three years is a long time to form any type of emotional bond...
Maybe they can have sex without having emotional bonds... but like one night stands... not three years of ongoing sex....
believe it... he does have an emotional bond with her...
And I particularly believe this cos men seem to form emotional bonds using sex... (which I have read again)... that is a fact believe...
men use sex to bond... cos they don't have feelings easily... sex brings out the feelings... strengthens it...
any guy who sleeps with another woman... has broken that emotional bond with you.. and crossed his line to do it with someone else...
I hope he is still not doing it... wat is wrong with you? you could get diseases -.-
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): i think u r the one being used here. You condoned his unacceptable behavior, u are like his maide to him coz you do cleaning, cooking and looking after kids while hes outthere with other women enjoying himself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): I take it your estranged husband? If not, I'd be out the door and make it that way if I were you.
To your question, if its happening, then I guess it is possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 January 2013):
 A three year "fling"? No such animal.
...............................
A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 how could you let your husband shag that woman? Doesnt it bother you
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 There are TWO women involved in this ongoing drama.... and YOU are one of them. What goes on between you and hubby? Do you, honestly, believe that he goes to her address, copulates with her, then dresses and returns home (to you) whistling all along the way "You always hurt the one you love (the one you shouldn't hurt at all)"????
'Cuz, in fact, BOTH of you women are being played... Her, because she is his bit on the side... and YOU because you seem to be validating his infidelity by denigrating (and name-calling) his spare partner....
Maybe, the one who needs to be addressed is YOUR HUBBY.... and YOU need to decide how much you wish to continue to be his foot-wiping mat....
P.S. As to your question about the "sex fling"... remember that many/most women need a REASON to have sex... Men only need a PLACE....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): No, she won't get it through her head because her self respect and self worth is about as low as yours....this man has been telling her what she wants to hear for 3 years and it is just sex for him, but not so often with women. And the fact that you are allowing this and are more concerned about what the other women is not getting through her head instead of what you are living with.If you are in an open relationship and you both are entitled to sleep with whomever within your marriage, then don't worry about it...unless she's becoming a stalker or threatening one or both of you, then let her live with how she is choosing to live her second rate life. If this is not the case, you should seriously kick that man to the curb and let him live with his weak, less than an honorable man, choices and he can go and sleep with whatever hoe he wants...
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Yes it's very easy for a man to have sex with a woman and have no feelings for her...millions of men do this every day.
When a man does fall in love with a woman, it has little to do with just sex.
Women form emotional attachment with men after having sex, that's why this woman loves your husband. He is just using her for sex, so, although he has no feelings for her, he's gong to be deaf dumb and blind to what YOU think because he doesn't want to stop having somewhere to get his load off...and that's because he probably doesn't love you or have much respect for you.
If he valued you as the love of his life, he wouldn't be having sex elsewhere, whether it's for love or just gratification.
Women cling on to men who treat them badly because they are afraid of being alone and unloved and in a lot of cases have very low self worth.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Do you have an open relationship? Have you given your husband permission to engage in extramarital sex??
If you have, then it's entirely possible that he's simply using her as a breathing sex toy that in the end means nothing to him. It's also entirely possible that she did, in fact, develop feelings for him. There have been 10-year affairs that when push came to shove, the guy would cut her loose the moment she started making demands on her. In the meantime, he'll say just enough to string her along and keep her letting him use her.
Now, if you are *not* okay with what he's doing, and he did it behind your back, why are you still letting him do it? That to me is interesting, and tells a very long story you haven't shared with us, and that's okay!
So the short answer is, I think he'll keep using her until you either put a stop to it or she starts making one too many demands and asserts her feelings a bit too much OR she realizes that he's using her and makes a break.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): "Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her?"Just as easy as for a man to have a marriage with a woman and prove he cares care nothing for her by engaging in a three-year sex fling. "My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs."Unless she's been charging your husband by the hour, she is not a ho; he is the slut having an extra-marital affair. You have no grievance against her as she isn't the one who made a legal and spiritual commitment to you, she isn't the one who took vows forsaking all others, she isn't the one who for the past three years has been getting out of your bed and climbing into her bed, HE is!"I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her head"Same can be said about you."He uses her . . ."Same can be said about you."She some how fell in love but for my husband could care less."Same can be said about you.Like many wronged women, you are blaming the wrong party. You know your husband has been lying to you for three years about having an affair, so he could have very well been lying to his mistress about being married. And if the other woman does know he has a wife, you have no idea of the lies he's told her about you, although I wouldn't be surprised if by his account you're the one who drove him to the arms of another woman and you're the one keeping them apart by insisting on clinging to your sham of a marriage even though he desperately wants to leave you for her.I do not condone marital infidelity under any circumstances, but it's very difficult to have sympathy for a cheated-on spouse who can climb up on a high horse to be so judgmental and morally superior while remaining so totally clueless and oblivious to the real problem: the lying cheating jerk to whom she is married.BTW you give no indication that your husband and his mistress have any intention of ending their three-year fling or that your knowing about it has given him any incentive to stop banging her, so apparently she's satisfied enough to be willing to stick around and wait for the divorce that's likelier to eventually happen with each passing day (at his initiation).
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 He loves her as sex becomes routine and comfortable.
I am not saying he does not love you, its just that he has best of both worlds. There must be something missing in the marriage that he finds it with her.
Also why do you put up with it? I think if he is forced to make a decision he will most likely choose his marriage but you have to be prepared for anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Sounds to me like he's been stringing both of you along for a while now. I'd re-assess how you look at the role your husband has played here. Whether she has feeling for him or not, carrying on an affair for 3 years suggests your husband, at least, finds that your marriage is not worth his fullest efforts to preserve.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): you call her a ^o^ but it sounds to me like your hubby is the real ^o^ here.and yes, it is easy for a man to do this. a lot of men don't link sex with emotional bonding like women do. so for a man, it's easy to seperate sex and an emotional relationship, which it sounds like he did in this situation.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 January 2013):
You shouldn't be so quick to believe your husband who has been lying to you for three years. It's likely he was stringing her along, the telling her he loved her and not you and that he was going to leave you.
Three years is a long time to use someone for sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Hi
How do you know he doesn't care about her, because if he didn't care then he would be home with his wife,you, not seeing her for 3 years for sex.
It's easy for him because you AND the other woman let him get away with it for some reason.
He CARES only about himself and what he wants
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2013):
Excise spelling/grammar errors!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2013):
Apparently it IS easy - for your husband, at least, that is.
The point is: what do you ant to do about it? Or rather, what do you want HIM t do about it?
Do you want to tell him to get rid of her? Tell him if he persists in committing adultery with this woman, you'll leave?
Other than to ask if its "easy" for him to have a three year sex fling, w2hat is your purpose in writing to Dear Cupid??
...............................
|
