A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me tonight and its my fault. I don't know how to fix this situation . I was with my boyfriend when 2 male friends who have a crush on me wrote me on Facebook. Ive known them since before my current relationship. Guy #1 asked why i would not respond to him.Guy #2 asked if i would be his Valentine. I told both these guys previously im in a relationship in the past and its been months since ive spoken to either of them. I responded to guy #1 by saying "dont you have a girlfriend"?And guy #2 by saying "you probably write this to all the girls on FB". I said that out of annoyance for them constantly contacting me. My boyfriend saw these messages and broke up with me. He said he cant trust me anymore and he doesnt wanna drag me through his trust issues. But he also said he loves me and he just doesnt know how to fix this situation so we need a break. He thinks i was wrong for responding to the messages and not firmly telling those guys to back off. I agree with him, i know i could of responded better to those messages. I made a big mistake and i appologized and asked to gain trust back slowly. He said i cant gain his trust because i already messed up and i cant redo the past. We have been together for three years we never have arguments and ive never cheated on him. I cant understand how he can throw all that away over Fb messages where i didnt say anything outrageous. He makes me feel so bad like ive cheated! A part of me really wants to fix this but i dont know if i can deal with his trust issues over something so small. When i appologize he says he still sees the messages in his head so he cant forget what i did. He was crying alot when i left so i know it really hurt him. What should i do to get him back?? It just seems silly to end it like this without giving me a chance to make him feel safe again? How can i get him back? Or has the damage been done?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2017): Let this loser go. He will be back and he will use this incident like a bat to beat you down until you have no self esteem left. Please stop apologizing to him and send him packing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017): I think he's probably most concerned about the second reply "you probably say this to a lot of women", because that seems like you are kind of leading him to say, "no i don't I only feel this way for you", and to continue the flirtation....I think yes he is concerned you would be unfaithful.
However, after 3 years together, and no cheating on your part, I think he needs to give you the benefit of the doubt and try again. If he wont' do that, there's nothing you can really do. You can block those men on facebook and show him how committed you are. But if he still persists in not forgiving you, perhaps he is looking for an excuse to break up?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2017):
 A lot off people who have extreme trust issues in a long term relationship is generally the one who is cheating. So it is possible that you have dodged a bullet. Yes the replies should have probably been worded different and I would understand why he would maybe get annoyed, but ending a three year relationship over this is just pathetic. He needs to work on his trust issues.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Like others say, his is a lame reason to breaking up ? However, he had a reason why he broke up and perhaps it isn't in your post. Did you two have issues with these two guys before? If there were prior incidences with these men, your weak response to them could have been a precipitating point, as in another proof that dooms this. This relationship could be put together back perhaps , in time, but I think there is more to this story then what we read.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Lamest break up reason ever. Sounds like he has been looking for a reason to end it and this was the best one HE could think of.
I don't think your (now ex) BF is ready to date if he can't handle you replying to people on FB. Seriously.
You didn't REALLY do anything wrong. And you CAN NOT fix HIS trust issues for him.
And yes you could have replied differntly to these guys or unfriended them, but you didn't.
The damage was done BEFORE he met you. No matter how or what you do he would have found SOME or other reason to have "trust issues" with you.
Honey, I get that you like him a lot but you are SERIOUSLY better off not dating someone who expects you to walk on eggshells and always accommodate HIS issues. He should INSTEAD work on these issues. He is the only one who can fix them.
And now you know for next relationship. IF you have men on your FB that you aren't friends with who have crushes on you, simply unfriend them. NOT because a BF might have "issues" but because there is no point in having men like that on your FB.
And if a guy TELLS you when you start getting to know him that he has "trust issue" don't date him, he is living in the past.
Chin up. Let him go.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else petty and insignificant. He could easily have turned around and said "Heh, I'm not comfortable with these guys flirting with my girlfriend. Tell them to do one." Instead he completely over-reacted (what was he even doing checking your messages?????) and dumped you.You have done nothing wrong. He is the one with the problem. Don't let him tell you otherwise.In our shoes, I would think long and hard about whether this was actually a blessing and whether you want a future with someone who will dump you as soon as you - in his eyes - step out of line. If you don't think you need better, then you need to ask why you have such a low opinion of your own worth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): Being honest I don't think either the two statements you made have contributed to him making up a lame excuse to break up .
When I say you say that to all the girls I'm not being interested in guy I'm being totally sarcastic and letting him know if a line .. it means nothing.. and I'm with someone and would never look elsewhere .
The thing is I would let him hang by his thumbs . Confirm you are single and get on with flirting haha let's see how he deals with that ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): Your boyfriend was probabky crying over the fact that he's cheated on you otherwise he wouldn't have had such an adverse reaction.
His trust issues sound like a very lame excuse.
He probably knows that news gets around fast.
What an idiot he sounds!
Sounds like he's ditched you before at least mentally.
You should be angry with him not playing the sympathy violin to his word patrol!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Sounds like a lame excuse.
Yes you could probably of worded the reply to the second guy a little better as it sounded to me as if you were a little interested. Nothing wrong with the message to the first guy imo.
I think your BF has over reacted and may just be using this as an excuse to get out of the relationship.
If I were you I'd just give him space now, don't message him and if he messages you then there may be a chance for reconciliation. If not, then just move on with your life.
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