A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife was contacted by an ex on Facebook who first said he only wanted to be friends, then indicated he wanted more. She showed me his messages and told me they dated in high school and college and she broke up with him twice. The first time was for getting another girl pregnant, the second was hitting on her best friend right in front of her. She told me every few years or so after their last breakup, he'd contact her and ask to get back together, but she turned him away. After we had this talk, she called him on a speaker phone with me present and told him she was married now and had moved on, and he needed to do the same. He understood and kind of freaked when he heard I was in the room listening in on the whole thing. He unfriended her on Facebook and for a few months left her alone.When we were going through a rough patch, he started texting her and she started texting and later calling him back. I found this and confronted her and she told me she wanted to back to him and that she needed a "real man." She moved out of state to go be with him and we divorced. After that, I went through a lot of difficulty including job loss, the death of my mother, a car accident, in other words, it didn't just rain, it poured. I have since gotten back on track, working again, making more than before, and am seeing a counselor who has really helped me. I haven't started dating again yet, but have a few prospects.Ex-wife has started calling me again. The boyfriend cheated on her and she left him and wants to come back to me. My heart wants to give her another chance, while my head says if I do, I won't be able to trust her and be in constant fear of her doing it again. I don't want to be with someone I have to watch like a hawk and I'm not sure if trust can be rebuilt once it's broken. Should I give her a second chance?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2017): If you let her come back you're an idiot.
A
female
reader, cassedenn +, writes (24 January 2017):
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cd
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): My friend has an aunt who did something similar, except without Facebook. She left his uncle for another 2 years later, she begged for a second chance and he gave it to her. 5 years after that, she ran off with someone else again. 3 years after that, she went running back to the uncle for another chance and he turned her away even though he wasn't seeing anyone or remarried yet. He said she did it to him twice and she wouldn't let him do it again. This woman did it to herself, and needs to take responsibility and move on with her life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): What did your "rough patch" involve? If she thought you were being unfaithful to her, or close to it (say, porn addiction, strip clubs, etc) then you can't hold it against her that she left you and went into his sympathetic arms.
However, if it was a trivial rough patch and she just went racing back to him, then no I would not forgive her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2017):
 No I don't think you should. If she loved you she would not have just moved out and in to another man's bed. What is stopping her doing it again? Honestly she just wants you back now because he has left her and she is alone. Please do not take her back. How would you possibly trust her. I am so sorry for everything you have been through but keep continuing to heal and live your life to the fullest. She should be no part off your life now. Maybe try online dating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017): NO - why would you give somebody like that another chance - she is just playing a game of pong but with boyfriends/husbands
give it time
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): From personal experiences, no don't take her back. You will never be able to trust her again, nor should you.
I agree with the others, I'm sure she reached out to him when you two were having a rough patch, now she is reaching out to you because of what he has done. Some people don't know how to love.
Listen to the voice in your head, stay strong. The right one will come along, she isn't it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): It is very tempting when someone whom you loved once and had left you for someone else feels remorse and wants to come back to you. But from my experience it never works. You meet you kiss you cuddle you talk and feel as though you are on the clouds with happiness but after a while you discover it never works.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (22 January 2017):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Who's to say she isn't going to revert back to her old ways again? You do not know her motives, she needs to stop acting like a child and start facing her own problems. What she did to you was wrong.
I cannot tell you what to do but tell you this.. You are doing much better than you were before, and you are going to meet someone far better than her in the future. I wouldn't give her a second chance, you gave her that chance before and she totally disrespected you and started speaking with her ex BEHIND your back. What the heck is that all about?
You deserve the best in a relationship and you don't need someone who leaves you at the drop of a hat just because you two weren't seeing eye to eye. I would listen to your head, but you need to do what you feel is right for you. I wish you the best and I hope you figure out what you deem is necessary in your situation. Just remember this, would she do it again? If these questions still linger in your head, I think that will give you some food for thought.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2017):
If she had come to this decision BEFORE he cheated on her, maybe there'd be a (small) c chance it'd be worth the trying again.
But as someone stated, she just wants to be taken care of and she figured you'd do until she finds someone "better".
By better I mean someone she's more compatible with.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 I need to correct you on one point. The ex boyfriend didn't start contacting YOUR EX WIFE when you were going through a rough patch; how would he have known? SHE contacted HIM. Get it the right way round. As soon as the going got a bit tough, she went back to him. He had already treated her badly twice and yet she still went back to him. She had obviously not learned her lesson; what makes you think she has now? Regardless of how badly he treats her, or how many times he betrays her, she is still drawn to him. This will not stop, my friend. Believe me. No long term relationship is all smooth sailing - especially if there has been the sort of betrayal involved as in your case. If you WERE to take her back, where do you think she would turn as soon as there was a problem in your relationship? Yep, back to the feckless ex. And your hurt would start all over again.In the end, you will do what you will do. All we can do is advise. However, you sound like a decent bloke. There are lots of decent women out there looking for men like you. You will never find them if you let your ex lure you back. She made her bed, now let her sleep in it. You are worth better.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 No way! This woman is disgusting and not someone a decent guy would ever want to be with. She has no morals, no scruples, no decency, no shame and no values. Do you really want someone like this back in your life? Dude you were set free, do you really want to be behind bars again?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Just because you haven't found a woman it does not mean you should be with your ex. She is an ex for a reason: she abandoned you and it is very telling of her whom she abandoned you for. It says that she makes bad decisions, is unstable and incompetent to control her urges. So a problem with her goes way beyond just trust. Just go no contact, block her and look for another woman.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 January 2017):
 We can advise you but you need to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Use your heart but also use your brains, do not let emotions rule. Love makes people do crazy stupid things.
My first response to your post was "Why"??? Why would you give her another chance. I know I wouldn't. You are potentially setting yourself up for one heck of a kick in the pants again, sir. I'd let her stay in the past..where exes belong.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Not a chance in hell. She left you for a 'real man' now let her be a big girl and deal with the consequences of her actions.
If you take her back then you've basically set of precedent of saying it's fine for her to walk all over you.
You've done well to get your life back on track, do NOT let her fuck things up for you a second time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Nahhhhh I wouldn't touch this one with a ten foot pole, she knew what he was like, got another girl pregnant while he was dating her and then he hit up her friend in front of her?? WTF and then she tells you she wanted a REAL MAN?
Sounds to me she already had a real man and tossed him, and a marriage, aside for loser drop kick!
I'd be telling her thanks but no thanks. I'd also advise her next time the REAL MAN comes a knocking she reminds herself of his track record.
The woman is flakey, you sound like you are getting your life back on track, I feel taking her back will just be an enormous step backwards.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Whether you want to give her second chance or not is entirely up to you.
Personally? I wouldn't touch her with a 50-foot pole. Rebuilding trust is hard hard work and I don't really see HER put much effort into it, if she is willing to put on a show for you on HOW is wasn't going to talk to this ex-bf and then still do it - I don't see her really doing ANY work in rebuilding the trust SHE destroyed.
She left you because she needed a "real man" - you ARE a real man. What she really meant is, "I want another man, just not you" So she HAD another man and he treated her like crap, just like he did in the past.
She is TRYING to get you back because she wants SOMEONE to take care of her. It's not out of love. IF she really loved you she would have nipped the contact with the ex in the bud and worked on the marriage.
Honestly, OP sounds like you deserve some peace and quiet and happiness in your life - so I say MOVE on. And eventually find a woman/partner who has the same values and standards as you.
I would ALWAYS wonder when the NEXT time she decides to replace you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (22 January 2017):
 I would not give this one another chance in a million years. If she left you because she wanted a 'real man' then she should stick to what she chose. You were certainly man enough to walk her down the aisle.
Thank your lucky stars you are young enough to find a real woman who will appreciate what a caring, loving and considerate husband you were and can be again - only not with her. She had her chance.
You can't undo that sort of betrayal.
You have built your life back up. Flippin' well done! I salute you. Now protect it and value it because she won't.
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