A
male
age
51-59,
*arianox
writes:Here I am..again. Now trying to stop loving my wife. During the last 6 months 3 of her former FWB have written e-mails to her remembering their pleasure moments...I found out reading those e-mails (not spying , given we both have open access to our accounts) that she, in fact had orgasms via intercourse. She never has had orgasms with me in that way (just vía oral sex). I don't understand. Wouldn't she, if really loves me have had those kind of orgams with me?. I am very dedicated lover, spend a lot of time in foreplay and I always want to try different positions . She always says that she is sexually satisfied with me but I can't enjoy sex because I have into my head that she enjoyed more with others. I love her with all my heart but this feeling of inadequacy is too strong. What do you think?
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foreplay, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017): Sexually speaking, she isn't giving you her best. She gave her best to others. They invested far less in her than you have.
There. I said it. What everyone else is denying.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 January 2017):
 Why don't you ASK HER?
She is the only person that could answer these questions for you. All we can do on this website is speculate. Of course, you're also well in your rights to stop performing any sexual acts for her, but you're the one that came here complaining that you couldn't make her orgasm so you'll only be impacting your own sexual performance.
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A
male
reader, marianox +, writes (26 January 2017):
marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEasy to say but...we have a little daughter and properties together. If I move forward to a divorce I will be the one who is going to lose more. And for the statement about "who I am". I am her husband!. What if from now on I decide stop giving oral sex to her (only way that she is able to orgasm with me). From your point of view I have the right, haven't I? But don't you think that worsen our sexual life? Is it that a husband is in the lowest level when we talk of sexual satisfaction?. Maybe you are right and she doesn't want to do certain things now when she is older...it wouldn't be fair if she were straightforward and tell me directly " ok honey, you know..you are my life mate and adore you but ...things are as they are and you satisfied me til certain limit, period". What do you think?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 January 2017):
She's not a piece of meat, she is your WIFE.
She will do whatever she is comfortable with, maybe she was more adventurous when she was younger but she isn't anymore. If that's a problem for you then maybe you need to look at divorcing her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 January 2017):
 No just because you are her husband does not mean you deserve any sex act you want from her. She is a person. She has the right to say no. If you loved your wife you would respect her when she says she does not want sex in the car, or anal ect. If she is not comfortable doing this then who are you to try and force her? If you loved her you would want to make her happy not yourself.
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A
male
reader, marianox +, writes (26 January 2017):
marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd they say that the world is ruled by men...
Look ..what I feel is that is unfair that given the fact that she has had a lot of men ( that's means lot of orgasms, lot of blowjob, anal, cum, etc) do not I deserve the best from her? Being her husband?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 January 2017):
I'm 25 and single so no, I'm nowhere near to settling down.
You're right, that wouldn't be love, but it would be cheating on your wife, so how could you even suggest that?
I think I'm starting to agree with aunt honesty that maybe you're the one that's creating the problems here in your relationship.
So what if your wife doesn't want to do these things she did with her fwbs, that is HER choice and you can't make her do them. You're really starting to sound like a spoilt brat.
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A
male
reader, marianox +, writes (26 January 2017):
marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't feel sorry for me, that's for sure. If what you say is right (orgasms and squirting are not connected with love) what if I try to make love with somebody else?, that's wouldn't connected with love either. I would still love my wife but I would seek for what I want in other place.
Maybe you (as her) has already lived your best sex and you too has alreday settled down. It's sound so selfish!. Why in the name of the more sacred should I cope with this? Love doesn't exist (except between parents and sons)
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 January 2017):
You're really not listening.
Love is not related to orgasms and squirting. You have the attitude of a teenager with how you're speaking.
Yes, your wife may of had better sex than with you. So what? What can you do about that? She didn't want to marry these other guys though because she didn't LOVE them. She LOVES YOU!
Stop relating love to orgasms because they don't match up at all.
If you can't make her orgasm you nred the ASK her what she likes and what gets her there rather than feeling sorry for yourself.
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A
male
reader, marianox +, writes (24 January 2017):
marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAunt honest: you are wrong. I don't put names to my wife. Others do. And on the other hand I love her. So if somebody else could make her squirt that's not important? I would forget that she enjoyed se more with FWB and that's it? Maybe forget that she's had sex in a car and refused having with me?. She has had over 25 sex partners. Don't deserve have the best that she is capable to give? Or I just give in and take what she want to offer in this stage of her life?. The thing is...it is normal that she says she loves me and she is not able to orgasm with me? (Btw she didn't fake with others, she has confirmed that).
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (24 January 2017):
I remember your other posts, and honestly it seems no woman will be good enough for you unless she is a virgin and has not looked at another man. You worry over things that have happened in the past, things you have no control over, you call your wife names and think she is a bad person for having a sex life before you. Honestly maybe you are the one that does not deserve the wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): I think you need to talk to her. Does she know that you know about these messages? She needs to cut these men out of her life entirely, this is not appropriate talk for a married woman. As for the sexual concerns you need to raise them with her. She is the only one who can truly offer insight. I would say that don't be so certain that she really was satisfied with these men (she may well have been faking it for them, and decided she wouldn't fake it anymore). Even if their emails are true, it doesn't mean she enjoyed the whole experience with them more. For women sex is more a whole body experience, so the end result isn't as critical like it is for a man. If she says that she is happy with your sex life I would trust her. However I would be suspicious if she replies to those guys.
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A
male
reader, marianox +, writes (23 January 2017):
marianox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your opinions.
Her ex lovers continue trying to contact her because she was just a FEB...that's mean...a easy slutty for them. I know, women think differently but that's truth.
I don't know how to feel myself comfortable with the idea that she loves me but she enjoyed orgasms with others.
It is difficult to accept for me. I am trying to stop loving her. No success till now
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 January 2017):
Female anon is right. Orgasms and love have nothing to do with each other at all.
I have an ejaculation problem where I really struggle to finish during imtercourse. Only 3 people have made me do it in my life, but I'm not in love with any of them. I've had great sex with people over the years but it's not enough to keep me interested unless I like the personality of the woman.
It's very odd that your wife's ex lovers are in contact with her though. That needs to stop.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017): I have had maybe ten lovers in my life. Out of those ten, one man could make me cum through intercourse. This had absolutely NOTHING to do with love. I was with him because we got on and we shared the same interests but I knew I wouldn't be with him forever....no way. I didn't love him at all. The way our bodies fitted together, that's why I think it happened.The man I'm madly in love with at the moment has erectile dysfunction and I couldn't care less. As long as he loves me back and we kiss and cuddle and play. If you can stop associating orgasms with love, you will feel better. As I said to you before, women and men think entirely differently. Women love and feel loved when they ARE loved, not when they cum through intercourse. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (23 January 2017):
I think my qs would be .. is why are her Fwb former ones even . Sending emails ??
What is your wife saying about this ?
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