A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal.However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me but it turned out he was just being friendly .I feel embarrassed because I mistook friendliness for romantic interest .This happened 8 months ago and I now feel more embarrassed than I did before. Is this normal? Will this embarrassing feeling ever go away? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): Your post is very important, because it supports my advice not to attempt to make romantic-connections or seek dates at the workplace. It places you in an awkward position if things go wrong; or the reaction to your advances may be totally opposite of what you hoped it would be. Some people may even overreact and report you to HR, and you may not even be aware of it.
Don't worry, it will fade away. The embarrassment is simply a matter of pride.
Try to work on over-processing or over-thinking things. It will keep you anxious and too much inside your head. That's not good for your mental or physical health.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): Is the bloke going round telling his work mates you bullied him!That would cause embarressment and you wouldnt be sure why.It would subliminaly change peoples opinion of you.Or perhaps he over-inflated your intrest in him and notched the story up a bit so that it became a blatant tale of provocation.Fortunately you are on your way out of the door.Movving to a new company and getting on with your life.So good for you!You started the process of change and you may find people in the next company easier to get on with.Less mixed messages would be a nicer enviroment for you to work in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your insights.The thing is,sometimes it takes me a while to process things.When he rejected me,I didn't feel embarrassed.We were working for the same place but dufferent departments.I was already thinking about leaving my job for unrelated reason which is why I decided to take the risk and asked him out.However, he ended up beating me to the punch and left because the person he was replacing came back from martenity leave--His position was temporary. So I decided to stay untill I finish school.However,it became apparent months later that he didn't leave the company--he started working opposite shifts instead when his position expired. A month ago, he had to come back to the same shifts as mine because he had to replace someone who was on a 2 week vacation.Nedlessly to say,you could cut the tension with the knife.It was awkward as hell and he completely avoided eye contact.I tried initiating a small talk to ease the awkwardness but the conversation felt forced.He subsequently went back to his regular shiftsI just got a job offer and I am in process of leaving this company. Now it finally hits me hard and the embarrassment from the rejection started sinking in.I'm just not sure if this is normal
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): Sure it will, once you forgive yourself. It was a blow to your ego; and you took the rejection far too personally. People tie their level of attractiveness to the responses they get from other people they feel sexually and/or emotionally-attracted to. The rejection is immediately interpreted as that person telling you that you're not worthy, or not attractive enough. You may have placed him up on a pedestal, that he didn't deserve.
It means you're not his type, he doesn't feel attracted to you in that way, and he's not available. Your level of vanity is getting the better of you. "How dare he reject me?" This plays in the back of your mind every-time he's visible. You're highly offended, because you exposed your vulnerability. Sometimes the embarrassment takes time to subside. You are in full-control of how long it lasts.
He may have strung you along basking in the attention and admiration. His bad! You may have been too aggressive in your pursuit; and misread/ignored all the signals he was not interested. Your bad! It is what it is! No big deal!
Just repeat the affirmation "I'm over this!" several times; when that anxiety rises within you. For all you know, you may have dodged a deadly-bullet! He may not be as nice as you think!
You're not always rejected because you're not good enough for that person; sometimes they know they're not good enough for you. You also have to be careful about professing your feelings too soon. You need to know you're on the same page; and not let your imagination and infatuation overtake your common-sense. So now your common-sense is reminding you to listen to more than just your heart.
In the past, you may have also rejected people for whatever reasons. Some good, and some bad. Maybe a little dose of karma is due.
Turnabout is fair-play. Feeling what we dish-out to others keeps us balanced, kinder, and empathetic.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): Have you never had a crush on anyone before only to find out that they werent interested.It happens all the time.What have you done that was so awful?Did you say anything at work like :"Now we're in the lift alone together we can have a quick snog!"And he replied "Keep your saliva to yourself Im a married man and I'm getting out at the first floor!"Did you go to the boss and dropping his coffee on the desk say "Ive got no panties on!" and then find the company annoucement system picked it up and relayed it to the entire factory floor?Did you see a sexy builder and start yelling "Lets make babies together!" only to find it was filmed by workmates and passersby and stuck on youtube going viral?Did you make a drunken pass at someone out of bounds that knows your hubby and now you feel open to blackmail?Did you suggest a threesome and find that they both turned you down?Did you get carried away and rape a guy who was only standing due to a healthy dose of viagra?Did you forget you made a porn movie and only remember when a copy was sent to you for signing!Whatever it is you havent made headline news so dont be embarressed.Some people are embarressed because they didnt get the washing up done before the guests arrive.They can start apologising and fiff-faffing, working themselves into a dreadful state or they can shut the door to the kitchen and greet their guests in a friendly manner.Try meditating to reevoke your inner calm!Whatever the crises was you owe to nyourself to move on from it.In the entire scheme of life this is just a tiny tiny moment of very little consequence so long as your potential boyfriend didnt wheedle your credit card out of you and put you in endless debt by his extravagant spending on himself.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 A year from now you will have forgotten all about it. no worries.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 When I was about 7 I did something that I should not have done and I got caught doing it and to this day it bothers me.
I'm going to be 57 in March so I doubt that you will ever feel good about what happened.
The truth however is that you are probably the ONLY person it's bothering so rest assured that it's a personal thing and let it go as best you can.
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male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 For men, this is a normal part of life. You see a girl you like, you ask her out, she makes her excuses, you move on. For women, the traditional approach was you waited to be asked, but dropped some subtle hints you were interested. It's good that it is more common for women now to take the lead (equality and all that) but it comes with the price of having to deal with rejection. As someone else said though, if you didn't ask you would be left wondering. I'm sure the right person is out there for you and I hope one negative experience doesn't stop you expressing your feelings in the future.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 January 2017):
 It won't as long as you keep making it an issue, no.
You took a gamble and it didn't pay off, shit happens, that's life. Concentrat on more important things, why are you so embarrassed about it? At least you had the confidence to try it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 January 2017):
 Better to have tried than to wonder forever "what if".
Sweetheart, stop beating yourself up. You are not the first to mis-read someone's intentions, and you certainly won't be the last. I am sure HE has forgotten about it by now - and possibly even feels bad himself for having sent out the wrong signals.
PLEASE don't let this take over your life. It was a misunderstanding. Nothing more.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 Is it normal, yes of course for some but 8 months on I think it is well over due that you stop torturing yourself. Lucky for you the fact that you brushed it off, I would imagine, showed him it was just a casual stab in the dark situation with him not thinking much more about it. Other than a bit of flattery. I mean who can blame a girl for trying right? For what it is worth the fact that you had the courage to approach him is nothing to be embarrassed about IMHO. At least you can be seen as a go getter even if it didn't pan out as you would have liked.
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