A
male
age
26-29,
*rayscreetch
writes:I cheated on my first love two years ago with my current girlfriend. I broke up with my first love to set her free from my cheating ways. I still love her and check her social media accounts to see how she's doing but I never told her I cheated when I broke up with her. My current girlfriend (the side chick) threatened to tell my first love I cheated anytime I tried to end things with her. Fast forward years later I'm still in love with my ex regretting my decision to be unfaithful to her everyday and my current girlfriend doesn't trust me she always thinks I'm talking to other girls even when she introduces me to her friends she thinks I want them. It's been years and she still wants my passwords to everything and always accuses me of lying when I'm telling the truth. I'm trying to make things work with her because I kinda love her. I mean I do have an emotional attachment to her, though I just don't know why when she's so evil. I love her. I just love my ex more. If I break up with her she's going to tell my ex (my true love) that I cheated on her (my girlfriend says she's done with her evil bullying ways but anytime we argue she said "I'm gonna go back to being the old me" so I know she's lying) Even though my ex and I aren't together I still don't wanna see her hurt.How do I get my current girlfriend to trust me? I'm not cheating on her I'm not talking to other girls. Help! Pleaseeee
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 finding out you cheated on her probably won't bother your ex as it was so long ago and she has no doubt moved on from you. This is the same girlfriend that is not allowing you to have sex with her. Stop being scared and just walk away. Learn to be on your own for a while and stop messing around with girls feelings. If the first girl was your true love you would never have cheated on her. Learn from your mistakes and start owning up and telling the truth. Your ex deserves to know the truth, any decent person can tell you that, and you don't deserve either girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): You "kinda love her" but you love your ex more. You're not doing either of you any favors by staying together. You're both young and neither of you sound at all happy. Plus you posted something a little earlier today about how your girlfriend is no longer exciting in bed and that she blames it on you. Time to call it quits.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 Cast your mind forward - 5 years, 10 years - and ask yourself, "do I still want to be held hostage in this relationship?" Here are the facts, as I see them:You behaved badly by cheating. Fact. Your current girlfriend doesn't trust you an inch because of that. Fact. Your current girlfriend is NEVER going to trust you if she is still like this years down the line. Fact. You could waste more years on this pointless relationship. Fact. You are obviously not happy otherwise you would not have written in. Nobody should be blackmailed into staying in a relationship they want to leave. As long as your girlfriend knows she has the power to manipulate you, by threatening to tell your ex about your cheating, she will use this to keep you beside her. When are you going to finish this? When you are standing at the altar, waiting to put a ring on her finger? WAKE UP!I suspect you actually want to dump your current girlfriend and go back to our ex, but your ex is likely to be completely over you by now and to have moved on. There is absolutely no saying she will even consider taking you back. So don't assume that is an option. (It might be, but the chances are pretty slim.)If your vindictive manipulative girlfriend does contact your ex to tell her what you did, then all you can do is apologise and say you realize how immature and inconsiderate you were and that, if you could turn back the clock, you would do things very differently. (There is no guarantee your ex will even CARE at this stage.)Then move on with your life. Make a clean break from this current girlfriend because blackmail is no way to keep a relationship together. My betting is she will try all sorts to get you to stay, including resurrecting the blackmail. Stand your ground, unless you want to remain under her control. Learn your lesson from this and don't cheat on anyone again.
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A
female
reader, Yucy  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 Dear Grayscreetch,I agree with WiseOwlE. It's Karma. The truth is that you did cheat on your ex-gf and you should have let her known that fact at that time when you broke up with her years ago. Why? You think by not telling her means you are protecting her from the pain?? When you broke up with her, you have already broke her heart.And now you are still infatuated with her even when you are with your current gf years later? No wonder your gf is always that suspicious of you.You and your current gf started out on a bad step, her belief now will always be "Once a cheater, always a cheater". You cheated on your ex whom you proclaimed is your love, then what's to prevent you from cheating on your current gf.A relationship is so depressing and meaningless when the girl could not trust the guy at all and have to resort to childish threats and insults to keep the relationship going. Do both of you still feel any sense of happiness and respect for each other in this relationship at all?Since you already admitted you loved your ex more, then what's the point of being in a relationship with your current gf? Aren't you just leading her on to nowhere?Think about it and talk to your ex. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): This is what's called karma. You didn't think of the consequences of your actions, or consider how deeply you might have hurt your former girlfriend; had she discovered the truth. Your own deception and philandering has now caught-up with you, and you're paying for it.
How does it feel?
It's several years past. She's pretty much over you by now. So let your girlfriend tell her the truth. She will also be telling on herself. There's plenty of karma to go around.
You may also pass on this advice to her. Hurting someone innocent for no reason also has consequences. You reap what you sow!
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Sorry pressed post too early.
She honestly sounds like a sociopath. And you're a cheat. You were both happy to cheat back then and now you're stringing her along.
It just sounds like a hurricane meeting a volcano. I honestly would break this off because she is going to KEEP having her psycho/ bullying / maniac sex fests
episodes, you're going to feel more and more pushed away, she's going to pick up on that, get more and more insecure... Get some balls, bite the bullet and end this disaster... It's not right for either of you and it IS going to get worse (unless she maybe gets herself a case worker and you revise your ethics a bit)
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 January 2017):
 I'm surprised that's your problem when you have greater things to worry about!
You're still in love with your ex and you have an unhealthy relationship with your current girlfriend. You can't let her blackmail you forever! What if she insists that you marry her tomorrow and if you don't then she'll spill the beans? You can't go through life living in this fear.
Are you still in touch with your ex? What makes you think she'll take you back eventually? Assume your girlfriend does tell her that you cheated on her, what's the worst that could happen? She's not with you in any case and chances are she won't be either. If on the other hand she's still available and willing to forgive you, then you can think of starting up all over again on a clean slate. If not, meh... You lose the blackmailer. Not a bad deal if your ask me.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 January 2017):
 What more can you do? This isn't going to stop unless she gets help for her issues. You began in poor circumstances so I can understand why she's on edge, but its really not acceptable for this to have been going on for years.
You need to tell her to either get a grip or break up. If she tells your ex then so be it, you took the decision to cheat so deal with the circumstances. You can't be held ransom in a relationship.
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