| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Younger woman messing with my head!
Q. Ok here is the deal. I am older than this lady, yet I don't feel that way at all on the inside (and people tell me that I look younger than I am, and when I work out alot, I can easily pass for someone in their 20s). Ok, well, we have been friends, ...
A. 23 August 2010: OP, not trying to bring you down or anything but you AREN'T acting your age. Your posts are evidence of that.
You say you feel younger, you fall for a younger woman probably because of that and you believe it when people tell you that you coul... (read in full...)
How do I fix the impossible?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We love each other so much. But I dont really feel a connection with him anymore. This is because its impossible to have a converstation with. Just sitting around and having a ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sorry to answer your question with a question but WHY in the world did you hook up with this guy? I mean, relationships are formed through interactions. How do you get to know eachother without talking? If his company equals the activity of that ... (read in full...)
Is she playing hard to get? or do I really mean nothing to her?
Q. Sorry in advance for the wall of text. Ok so I don't have the best track record when it comes to dating. Many of the girls I asked out in high school simply avoided my advacnes all together. Needless to say I was a little jaded from these girls and ...
A. 23 August 2010: This girl is not into you and judging from the way she acted (everyone is bad except her, he whole "woe is me attitude"...) it's a good thing too. She doesn't sound like good girlfriend material anyway.
I judge a guy on the way he treats and talk... (read in full...)
Younger woman messing with my head!
Q. Ok here is the deal. I am older than this lady, yet I don't feel that way at all on the inside (and people tell me that I look younger than I am, and when I work out alot, I can easily pass for someone in their 20s). Ok, well, we have been friends, ...
A. 22 August 2010: Thanks for the follow up!
As for suggestions, this might be a bit of a deadpan, but next time don't use Facebook to tell someone how attracted you are to them. PM them, tell them when you meet them but don't post it for everyone to see.
... (read in full...)
Younger woman messing with my head!
Q. Ok here is the deal. I am older than this lady, yet I don't feel that way at all on the inside (and people tell me that I look younger than I am, and when I work out alot, I can easily pass for someone in their 20s). Ok, well, we have been friends, ...
A. 22 August 2010: Other posters have given excellent insight about the girl. I want to go on a bit about this age thing that you have in your mind:
OP, the thing is that when people tell you you could pass for 20-something, they're just being nice. Not honest. ... (read in full...)
Survivors of Abuse
Q. It is just so hard to hear so many girls have been sexually abused. Every girlfriend I ever had was abused. My new one was. I have yet to hear the details but I allready know this is going to classify as "horribly sexually abused". It is n...
A. 21 August 2010: You´re giving up already? Hmm, shows to tell how much you really care about this.
Look, if you don't want to put in the effort, fine. But then acknowledge that and don't lie to yourself about it.
You don't have to force her to talk about th... (read in full...)
Are his reasons for breaking up with me ridiculous?
Q. My bf broke up with me and the main reasons were that I get insecure because I've been cheated on in the past, I understand its not good and fair to treat him that way because of my ex bfs' doing and I was trying to work on that.. But now he say...
A. 21 August 2010: Thanks for the follow up.
Hmm, strange he would notice it now if he didn´t before. Another sign he has fallen out of love with you. That´s when things we were blind to suddenly start to become noticeable.
I really think that he´s giving you ... (read in full...)
Are his reasons for breaking up with me ridiculous?
Q. My bf broke up with me and the main reasons were that I get insecure because I've been cheated on in the past, I understand its not good and fair to treat him that way because of my ex bfs' doing and I was trying to work on that.. But now he say...
A. 21 August 2010: The relationship sounds like a dead end to me. I would cut my losses and move on. Once you let someone make demands, he's in control. And in a relationship it's about being equal.
You're 5'5 and you weigh 135 lbs? That sounds like a healthy ... (read in full...)
Why do people keep photos of their ex?
Q. Why do people keep photos of their ex'? I girl i've been seeing for almost a year keep photos albums of her ex' on her bookshelf in the living room. There must be hundreds of them. Should i be freaking out here? She gets angry if i keep anything ...
A. 21 August 2010: I always think it's a bad thing to keep stuff of your ex around the house. Keeping pictures, letters, etc. means that the ex still means something to you and that isn't a good impression to give to a new partner. They will always feel measured up ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting her to be more ambitious?
Q. Hi, I am 28 and have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now and I do love her to bits. However, I find her general lack of ambition in life to be a little bit off putting and this has been playing on my mind for quite some time now. I'll e...
A. 19 August 2010: Some people are ambitious and others simply aren't. I think this is where the personality differences between you clash.
I have always been ambitious, but I had a rough start (bullying in highschool caused my grades to plummet) and I have had t... (read in full...)
I really want to sleep with him, but I'm really scared too, what should I do?
Q. ive been going out with this guy for almost a month now and i feel like i have known him all my life i love him to bits and hes says he loves me to ( were both 14 ) hes told me hes wants to marry me ( of course this is not serious talk but a nice ...
A. 19 August 2010: First off: great you're asking this!
To get to the point: I wouldn't sleep with him. It's just been a month since you've been together! That's nothing, nothing to base anything real on. Look, I understand you're smitten with him. But please g... (read in full...)
I really want to sleep with him, but I'm really scared too, what should I do?
Q. ive been going out with this guy for almost a month now and i feel like i have known him all my life i love him to bits and hes says he loves me to ( were both 14 ) hes told me hes wants to marry me ( of course this is not serious talk but a nice ...
A. 19 August 2010: First off: great you're asking this!
To get to the point: I wouldn't sleep with him. It's just been a month since you've been together! That's nothing, nothing to base anything real on. Look, I understand you're smitten with him. But please g... (read in full...)
He doesn't have the time or motivation to be committed?
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up yesterday. It just doesn't feel right. I am 19 and he is 20. He is in school for pre-medicine 2 hours away. We had been going out for 14 months and had already conquered the first year of school away from each other. ...
A. 19 August 2010: I agree with Oldersister.
Don't try to decide what he's feeling for him. Not only are you probably wrong, he is perfectly capable of telling you about it himself.
I get you're in love with him still and want to rationalize his actions in a... (read in full...)
Survivors of Abuse
Q. It is just so hard to hear so many girls have been sexually abused. Every girlfriend I ever had was abused. My new one was. I have yet to hear the details but I allready know this is going to classify as "horribly sexually abused". It is n...
A. 19 August 2010: I just wanted to say I agree with the insightful post by the anon who was the first to reply.
Some of my own thoughts on this:
Abuse cannot be blocked out or meditated away. And those that lie about sexual abuse...I have yet to meet them. The wa... (read in full...)
Cystic fibrosis and pregnancy.
Q. Me and my partner are trying for a baby and i have cystic fibrosis, i have heard rumours that being pregnant with cystic fibrosis can cause heart failure and other problems but i think its people just trying to scare me, is this true?? Is there ...
A. 19 August 2010: Truth to be told: I have no idea, honey.
Why don't you consult your doctor, who is much more knowledgeable than your friends and us here can ever be. If he can't give you insight, atleast he knows someone who can.
I wouldn't let all those gh... (read in full...)
I don't like sex at all!
Q. I don't like sex at all because I have sustained testicular trauma in early adolescence. I don't like to think about it, even if its a constant reality for me. In what ways to you think that this impairs my life to a level that is significant?...
A. 16 August 2010: Lol, Q you sure know which anecdotes to pick. Makes me wonder what other stories you've got.
But yeah OP, you're not making a whole lotta sense here. Care to elaborate? ... (read in full...)
Need advice on enhancing my bustline.
Q. I'm fifteen years old, and I am still in my 34 A's in bra size. This may not be a major problem, or something to worry about, but I just don't want my breasts to be this small, especially not at my age. Maybe I'm going through the road when everyone ...
A. 16 August 2010: Girl, at your age I had a cup AA. Sure, I felt bad about it, but accepted my fate. I looked up to girls like Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman, who seemed to be in the same boat and learned to appreciate myself for who I am.
Now I'm 22 and I ha... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and a virgin!
Q. i'm 19, a virgin, and deeply ashamed to be one. what's worse, is that I have absolutely no experience, not only when it comes to sex, but with anything concerning affection (kissing, ect). recently i've been talking to this guy and I think something ...
A. 16 August 2010: Ha! Don't worry gal, it's nothing to be a ashamed of. I know several girls of your age that still have their V cards and it's not because of their looks, because they're quite pretty.
Anyway, don't give it up just to get rid of it. Because ... (read in full...)
She wants to do her own thing but still have a relationship with me
Q. So I've dated this girl for seven months and we broke up about two or three months ago. At first things were supposed to be a break, but i found out she's making out with a large number of guys. That caused me to get angry and basically explode on ...
A. 14 August 2010: She doesn´t deserve you. Simple as that.
Sorry to say it but from what you´ve written she comes across as a manipulative slut that wants to have it both ways. You don´t have her heart. She likes to have you around, because if you give in that mea... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you rather a girl was honest about her sexual past?
Q. Would guys prefer a girl who is honest about her past sexual life or is that a bad idea?...
A. 13 August 2010: Well, I would normally say "honesty above all". But since you've asked this question that I'm assuming you have a past that some might have a problem with.
Considering the countless questions posed here, like: "my gf had many sexual partners... (read in full...)
Can this relationship with my married boss work?
Q. Right so apparently this is a "common" thing. Being in love with a married man. I %100 believe he loves me too. To further complicate the situation he is my boss. I've worked day and night with this man 6days a week for 4years. Also his wife. They ...
A. 13 August 2010: You say you're not stupid, but you are.
You are "the other woman" and don't we all know what happens to women in that spot. They get used and dumped. You think that some sense of connection and sex will convince him to leave everything he has for ... (read in full...)
I'm disgusted by her nipples! How can I get past this?
Q. I have a new girl I really like in every way. Sex has been great. My problem? I am a boob man, and I really love nipples. In particular, I just go crazy over a girl with petite pink nipples that get really erect. Now, they don't have to be ...
A. 13 August 2010: My god, how old are you? Is the age you put up correct? Because this sounds like it's coming from a kid who doesn't know what boobs look like in real life.
It's simple. Either you get over your ridiculous pet peeve or you end it and wait for that... (read in full...)
Guy threatening to give my boyfriend proof that I cheated!
Q. I had an affair with A, a guy from work. And I called it off after 2 weeks, no more texts, phone calls, email, facebook. I felt really bad and guilty towards to my bf, because deep inside me i know it is not his fault that he has to work long hou...
A. 13 August 2010: Sorry girl. I know you're thinking "it was just a misstep, why should my bf have to know? Ignorance is bliss!" And if this guy gave up, it would be much easier for you indeed.
Infortunately in the real world cheating usually comes out one way ... (read in full...)
14 and want to help my family financially
Q. I am 14 years old and my family is (financially) in a tight spot . I want to start selling some of my stuff on Ebay to help them out . Am I too young ? How will I get the money ? How do I send it out ? ...
A. 13 August 2010: I agree with Luck Fantasy on the Ebay thing. You need to talk to your parents about it.
At your age you could probably also get a job. Maybe that would be a good idea for the weekend. But don't burden yourself too much with it, because it's not... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I am falling in love with him!
Q. I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months now and the physical chemistry between us is now very strong. I did not notice his attraction towards me for some time. He has been doing loads of things to help me. My question is that we seem to ...
A. 13 August 2010: Sometimes, you just need to take a chance.
I know it's easier said than done, but there's no way to be sure, but to simply ask.
Stop caring about so and so and what they might think. They're NOT important. What's important is your feelings fo... (read in full...)
I'm a third wheel around everyone I know
Q. I'd really like to have a boyfriend but I'm so androgynous (flat chested, for some reason muscly and have never been able to grow long hair) that guys my own age are just repulsed by me. It has always been like this and no matter where I live or ...
A. 13 August 2010: I know this is getting old, but most people go through a phase where they feel akward and lost. Noone can predict genetics, so you might very well stay this way. Or you might not. Not everyone is done growing at 18. I 'm 22 and I'm still changi... (read in full...)
We should eventually be together...right?
Q. Hello folks, please hear my situation out. I really deeply have feelings for a coworker but we are not together. She is a few years younger. I have never told her that I like her but I've tried to do thoughtful things for her to show how much I ...
A. 13 August 2010: Okay, I'll get straight to the point:
1. Let go of the "we should be together" stuff in your head. because no matter how logical you make it, in the end it's all about love and attraction and there's no logic in that. It just happens. Or it doesn... (read in full...)
Feeling stuck in a too good relationship
Q. I find myself questioning my relationship more and more, and I don’t know what I should do: take things slower? Call it off completely? Stay with him? I feel as though most people who write in with a “should I stay or leave my partner” question ...
A. 12 August 2010: To start off it´s nice to read such an honest post!
Difference in intelligence is often an issue, though it has become a bit of a taboo subject because people generally feel that only those with university degrees etc. are allowed to say they´re ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me after my abortion..
Q. Hi, i got pregnant, and had to do an abortion because of medical problems and also my boyfriend didn't wanted to be a father. He told me he wasn't prepared. But having so much problems because of my health and a father that didn't wanted the baby, ...
A. 7 August 2010: I'm sorry but your boyfriend is a big jerk. Getting pregnant is a lifechanging event and for him to be so immature about is just nasty. I can understand when people say they're not ready; it's different for everyone. But to be hard on you because he ... (read in full...)
What can I wear that will make her think sex?
Q. Ladies, what can a guy do physically or wear to get his wife or girl/friend sexually excited. The reverse is so easy to figure out. A girl can wear longerie, nothing at all, or my fav: sexy panties and a tight wife beater. But what can a guy wear ...
A. 6 August 2010: There is no easy answer for me.
I just like it when a guy looks like he feels good in his own skin. Simple things like good fitting jeans, a hugging turtleneck plus a beat up leather jacket can make me drool. ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 6 August 2010: You said: "i feel more happy when i see him upset. Why do i still need to have such a response from his side?"
Because you still like him and want his attention, be it through a nice or nasty way.
Seriously, I would stop playing around a... (read in full...)
I'm 14 & my bf's 25, I don't know what to do, he loves me.
Q. OP's own title: I'm 14 years old and my boyfriend is 25. I really liked him before we were going out and he liked me too, he even dumped his girlfriend because he says he can't be with her when he loves me. I love him too but I'm soo scared abou...
A. 5 August 2010: I know that when I was 14 I was thrilled whenever someone said I looked " mature" for my age. Now I'm older and wiser I know that it's all just a bunch of BS.
The fact remains that you've only been on this earth for 14 years and he has been for... (read in full...)
I love my teacher & I think he likes me back. Any advice?
Q. MODS NOTE: OP's own title. Okay first off I'm new to this site, so if its in the wrong category, my bad. Anyways I had this teacher 1st semester. At first he was like a normal teacher, then after the 2nd semester started he started to act all funn...
A. 5 August 2010: It's hard to really decide if he is into you or not. Sometimes seperate incidents that sound like they mean something actually mean nothing at all. Also, he could lose his job (or worse) if he ever got into a relationship with you while you're still ... (read in full...)
Boy have I been through quite a wringer of a relationship
Q. So I decided recently to end my 4 year relationship with my boyfriend. I am 22 years old and he is 29. I felt that he had a bad habit of inconsideration and selfishness in my eyes. On the occasions over the years when I came to him and expresse...
A. 5 August 2010: Being a bit like your now ex boyfriend, I can see where this went wrong. I'm also one of those people who doesn't really care about anniversaries and "being there for support" all the time. I consider a lot of things to be trivial though I have ... (read in full...)
My jealousy makes me furious at my BF, I need help!
Q. Hello, I get extremely sad, angry, and jealous when my boyfriend looks at other women. Its not that he stares, an attractive woman can walk by on the street and i would feel the same way. Even if we are watching a movie and a sex sence comes up w...
A. 5 August 2010: You do not own your boyfriend and you cannot chain him to you because chained birds fly the fastest when shown a glimpse of a way out.
Do you see where I'm going here? You have to realise that all these girls he passes on the streets are just tha... (read in full...)
My jealousy makes me furious at my BF, I need help!
Q. Hello, I get extremely sad, angry, and jealous when my boyfriend looks at other women. Its not that he stares, an attractive woman can walk by on the street and i would feel the same way. Even if we are watching a movie and a sex sence comes up w...
A. 5 August 2010: You do not own your boyfriend and you cannot chain him to you because chained birds fly the fastest when shown a glimpse of a way out.
Do you see where I'm going here? You have to realise that all these girls he passes on the streets are just tha... (read in full...)
Should I stay because he treats me well or leave and follow my dreams?
Q. Can someone pelase tell me what matters in a relationship? Is it how a person treats you or how fulfilled you are? In short- I am with a man who is very respectful, loyal, puts me first, and is always there for me. He always keeps his promises and...
A. 21 July 2010: I think that if you love someone, you shouldn't hold them from fulfilling their dreams even if that means getting out of your comfort zone once in a while.
Right now, you're staying home and doing what he wants because he feels more comforta... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed by what I thought was my good catholic wife!
Q. I recently went to my wifes 20th high school reunion. I was ok with the fact that some of my wife's ex-boyfriends were there and unfortunately I personally know them all. My problem began when i read the last wills and tenaments from their senior ...
A. 19 July 2010: I´m not sure I get what you mean. Are you upset that your wife has had more sex than you thought she did? Do you actually believe the stereotype? Because I know a lot of "good catholic girls" who bedded quite an amount of guys. It's like preten... (read in full...)
What can I do to kick start my life?
Q. Ok so I dont know how to really put this but im male, 17, rather intelligent and not the worst looking but not the best :S basically my childhood sucked. i used to live with my great grandmother and my brother. my great grandma died and me and ...
A. 18 July 2010: Okay, first off some questions
- You lived with your great grandma, and then your grandmother. Where are your parents? (If it's too painful to talk about I understand, but this was the first thing that popped up)
- Why were you depressed?
... (read in full...)
Everyone says we should date... except her.
Q. I've known this girl for six months now. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, compassionate, cheerful, and just the right touch of nerdy. She and I are college students. We're three years apart, but in most respects, we're perfectly compatible. Same ...
A. 18 July 2010: Could be that she's been hurt in the past and just wants to take it slow. I'm like that too when it comes to guys. I turn most of them down, because I want to get to really know them first before I move on to the actual dating. That way, you have a ... (read in full...)
Condoms! We don't use them, why do you have them?
Q. Serious problem! I've been in a relationship with my guyfriend for the last three years, and during this time we have never used condoms during intimacy. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered condoms in his nightstand, and he hurriedly rushed over ...
A. 18 July 2010: I think your gut is telling you the right thing. These things don't add up and he knows it. He is also making it worse by changing his story. Asking you if you don't have them from previous relationships of 'just incase' is also a classic redirect. ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 13 July 2010: Okay, I have some experience with this. A year ago, I fell in love with a guy. We took it slow, hung out and it was going great until he slipped up his single act and was wearing a ring during our night out. I told him to spill the beans and it ... (read in full...)
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