| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Her mother has waged a war against me!!!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a good 8 months now. Everything is good except her mom. I am 18 years old, shipping off to the Air Force this summer. My girlfriend is 17. A little background information: My girlfriend is Hispanic and her...
A. 21 February 2011: You´re very welcome, glad I could help!... (read in full...)
He doesn't believe what we have is love!
Q. well yesterday was valentines and my boyfriend and i were really happy bout it. anyways i got him something really sweet and i thought that he'd like it. he did though, but he didnt get me anything, that was okay .. i just really wanted to spend the ...
A. 15 February 2011: Umm...break up? Seriously, if I had a bf and he would shoot down V-day while I just got him a present and tell me what we have is a "form of attachment" I would attach him to the bed with cuffs and leave.
... (read in full...)
My mother treats the dog better than me!
Q. Okay My mother has been out of work for over a year my mother is obese she is 400 pounds and im 6 months pregnant and I'm going to go get my g.e.d and my mother keeps on calling me a low life peace of shi* and tells me that hopefuly m...
A. 15 February 2011: You're officially an adult now, if the age you put up is correct. So what I would do is move out and never look back. Where's the father of the child? Could you move out to be with him? If you can share the costs and the care for the baby, you ... (read in full...)
He's fair, and I'm tan, can I still love him?
Q. hi guys...i want some advice. theres this guy i love at college.i told him what i felt for him on valentines day with a nice friendly quote.he said he feels the same. i love him a lot,and i want him,even though our likes and dislikes don't r...
A. 15 February 2011: The way I was raised, the color of a man's skin does not matter. All that matters is happiness. If he makes you happy and you make him happy, that's all there is. That's the only thing that's important. ... (read in full...)
Been with my girlfriend for a year and she won't even add me on facebook let alone move in with me.
Q. im worrying alot about my girlfriend well she dont want to move in with me we only see each other at the weekends i dunno what to do she will not add me on her facebook so i dont no can anyone help me with this we have been together for a year now ...
A. 15 February 2011: A year may sound long to you but it´s not. Think about it. You´ve known your best friends longer than that, good friends longer than that and distant family members longer than that. Compared to that, one year is nothing.
Moving out to live wit... (read in full...)
My brother was killed in war and it has had a dramatic impact on my relationship
Q. Had been in a five year relationship. We were engaged til mid last year. My brother had been killed in war, shortly before christmas of 09. For kind of the first time in our relationship I wasnt able to tend to her needs as i was going through and ...
A. 15 February 2011: To be honest I would call it quits. She's moved out and started dating other people already. All the signs she wants to move on are there. No use in beating a dead horse.
Right now, she's all about herself and you're all about you. Not that I c... (read in full...)
How do I deal with multiple tragedies?
Q. I rarely find any articles on dealing w/multiple tragedies and because of this I often feel SO alone, even though I have a large family that has gone thru alot of the same things. I suffer from chronic debilitating pain and most recently barely ...
A. 15 February 2011: First of all I´m very sorry to hear what you´ve been through. That´s just awful. Unfortunately words always ring hollow in these circumstances.
As for how to deal with it. Well, I think you´ve been holding yourself up remarkably well. Every pe... (read in full...)
How can I stop being jealous?
Q. I love my boyfriend but how can I stop being so jealous when he talk to other females. I know he is a friendly person but I'm trying to trust him. I need help or I'm gone lose him. ...
A. 11 February 2011: You have to find out where this jealousy comes from. For most people it stems from insecurity. So you have to address that.
Tell yourself he picked you, not some other woman, and that even though he talks to them he comes home to YOU. Flood yo... (read in full...)
Trouble with flatmates - how to say NO?
Q. Hi i've been at uni for a year and lived in halls which wasn't a problem. I'm now living in a flat that my parents bought for me to live in while i do my 2nd and 3rd years. I live with my boyfriend who doesn't annoy me at all and another couple (Dan ...
A. 11 February 2011: Just tell her: "Kate, don't take this the wrong way, but I would appreciate it if you bought your own milk. I'm on a really tight budget right now and all this borrowing is costing me money. So if you want me to share, we'll also have to share the ... (read in full...)
My daughter is causing me so much stress just now...
Q. Hello, I posted on here recently regarding problem with my daughter and her BF who is here 2/3 nights a week. I got some really helpful answers regarding him paying his way. However since that time, another serious problem has happened and I ...
A. 8 February 2011: Being a 23 year old girl myself and having a mother who has MS also I honestly do not understand your daughter's attitude.
Just reading what she said ("I'm bored of your illness and none of your friends can be bothered with you") and what she... (read in full...)
Who should I believe... my boyfriend or my friends?
Q. My friends I havent seen in years, are telling me that my bf tried to play them but my other friends and boyfriend are telling me that they played him and i dont know who i should believe!!!! My friends are like my sisters and i love them but i love ...
A. 8 February 2011: It's very simple: if friends group A say nothing happened and friends group B say nothing happened, then there's no problem. it becomes a problem if they're saying he kissed one of them.
... (read in full...)
My friend wont get over her EX, how much longer do I allow her to mope?
Q. My friend is really depressed after her boyfriend broke up with her. It was her first relationship and she is in her 20's. He left her a few days before New Years. They had been going out for a little over 2 years. She wont get over him, she mopes ...
A. 7 February 2011: Some of you are rather quick to judge the OP. I'm not sure she deserves that.
Her friend's endless moping and moaning about how horrible her life is now and not letting anyone or anything cheer her up is can be really taxing to those who have to ... (read in full...)
Her mother has waged a war against me!!!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a good 8 months now. Everything is good except her mom. I am 18 years old, shipping off to the Air Force this summer. My girlfriend is 17. A little background information: My girlfriend is Hispanic and her...
A. 7 February 2011: Be dimplomatic about it. I've found that the best way to deal with poisonous family members is to be the anti venom.
Always be courteous to the mother, even when she's being nasty. Never once raise your voice, always remain calm, controll... (read in full...)
How to avoid being used financially
Q. I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
A. 7 February 2011: My parents taught me well when it comes to money: when someone asks for it either give it to them or don't. I don't do borrowing, or loans. This applies to even the small things, like when someone asks 0.50$. I never expect something back when I g... (read in full...)
The closer he gets to deployment the worse his behaviour toward me
Q. my husband joined the army about a year ago. he is scheduled to deploy next month, and ever since he found out when he was to go to afghanistan, he has been different. he used to be very patient, loving, kind...now he is unpredictable and moody, ...
A. 6 February 2011: I think your husband just realized the real implications of deployment. Many people think they can handle it---until they actually get sent there. Then they have to come to terms with the fact it's dangerous and that they might not make it back in ... (read in full...)
Is he serious about me? Or does he just want to get laid?
Q. I've been seeing this guy on and off... It all started off when we ended up kissing on his birthday (we were best friends)...and the kiss was so good that we ended up getting frisky a couple of times after that. I fell for him...and even told...
A. 6 February 2011: Ah, you just posted a follow up. Sorry about that, answers take a while to get posted on this site. Good for you OP. You seem like a smart and sensible person. Keep trusting your gut, it tends to be right on these things!... (read in full...)
Is he serious about me? Or does he just want to get laid?
Q. I've been seeing this guy on and off... It all started off when we ended up kissing on his birthday (we were best friends)...and the kiss was so good that we ended up getting frisky a couple of times after that. I fell for him...and even told...
A. 6 February 2011: I would be frank with him. You know he's trying to play you and he knows it too. I actually find it quite sad of him to do this, to want to take advantage of you in this way. He's not the good guy you fell in love with. Realize this.
"I have a b... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is annoying me and making me wonder if I should stay. What do you think?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, and he's really beginning to annoy me. Background info: I moved in with him after my mother threw me out of the house, cut me off and stopped speaking to me. There are some little things, ...
A. 5 February 2011: I was thinking that it could work out up until I read this:
"He is leaving the military, and has no real plans, just options. He's even wondering if he should go on welfare. He says he never wants to marry, have any kids or live in a real house." ... (read in full...)
Ladies, would you ever change your personality for your boyfriend?
Q. Ladies, would you ever change your personality for your boyfriend? Personality as in being more assertive, more sexy or just overall more "loving" to them even though you have been doing just fine since your relationship kicked off. Just a si...
A. 5 February 2011: Depends on what it is. If I think changing something about my personality would make me a better person, I would. For example, I used to be extremely insecure up to the point it held me back in life.
For example, I didn't like to drive with oth... (read in full...)
Why isnt he replying to my texts or calls, has he done a dissapearing act?
Q. i met a guy about 2 months ago, a single dad of 1 (a 2 an a hlaf year old girl) we got on really really well an he wanted to take things further, we since been in a relationship an hes met my family an friends and has agreed to come out for my ...
A. 5 February 2011: Well, my experience is that guys are usually not stuck to their mobiles as much as we girls are. (Though they're probably catching up as I speak).
Anyway, don't fuss, take a breath and don't attempt to contact him again. You have left him text... (read in full...)
What can I do about my noisy stomach!
Q. I have a problem at school with being nervous during class because I think my stomach is going to make noises because it's so embarrassing. When the class is quiet my stomach starts to make noise but I realized that the only time my stomach makes ...
A. 30 January 2011: Often your stomach makes noises if you haven't eaten/eaten little or if you've eaten too much. So keep an eye on your eating habits and eat normal portions regularly. I used to eat very irregularly, forgetting about breakfast, eating lunch late and ... (read in full...)
Are my friends trying to break me and my boyfriend up?
Q. my friends dont like my boyfriend but im crazy about him. i mean yeah were in different schools and they see him more but what if what they are saying is true. I just dont want to believe it? or what if they are trying to get me and my boyfriend ...
A. 30 January 2011: Hmm, the mods put this in the wrong category. It's a question, not an article.
Anyway, it's impossible for me to make a good conclusion based on these 4 lines you wrote up. I'm not psychic. I can only guess.
What happens often when peopl... (read in full...)
Concerned about fiance's relationship with a co-worker
Q. I just found out that my fiancee has been more than a little friendly with a married male work colleague. I always assumed their chats were fairly innocent seeing as they didn't communicate that often. But I did some snooping and I was shocked at ...
A. 30 January 2011: Abella gave you some great advice. I agree with everything she said.
Being angry does not help. You have to clear your head, take a deep breath and try to look at this as objectively as possible. You have to give her a chance to explain herself,... (read in full...)
In lust with a married man
Q. Hi. I need some help. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am in lust with a married man and I can't get out. I can't stop wanting him! I know he can never be mine. But yet I still want him. It's been a year and a half that we've been friends....
A. 29 January 2011: I've been in this situation around your age. Fell in love with a married man who was very devoted to his wife. My problem was we saw eachother twice a week (same sport) so cutting him out of my life wasn't exactly possible without giving up my ... (read in full...)
Parents are struggling financially. Should I let them move with me if I buy a new home?
Q. I need advice... well I moved in with my parents when my husband and I separated. My dad quit or got fired from his job, we really don't know the truth. I thought it would be a good idea that I pay them instead of staying on my own. Well I've been ...
A. 29 January 2011: As for the financial situation; it sounds like your parents were planning to move out anyway. I think it would be best for them to get a smaller place they can afford, save up and spend as little as possible. Also, doesn't your dad qualify some form ... (read in full...)
Parents are struggling financially. Should I let them move with me if I buy a new home?
Q. I need advice... well I moved in with my parents when my husband and I separated. My dad quit or got fired from his job, we really don't know the truth. I thought it would be a good idea that I pay them instead of staying on my own. Well I've been ...
A. 29 January 2011: Hard one. I understand your situation, as I am still at home too because of my parent's struggles. Difference being I'm in my early twenties and you're about to become 30, PLUS you have a child that needs a stable home.
I honestly think you need... (read in full...)
My friend backed out and I'm uncomfortable meeting him alone
Q. I was going to meet up with this guy i know and my female friend at first tomorrow for a coffee, but my friend has decided that she wants to go to see her boyfriend. I dont really want to meet this guy alone. Some things happened that now make it ...
A. 28 January 2011: Trust your gut. If you feel so uncomfortable, don't go. Just tell him you're ill and can't go. Tell your friend the truth and tell her that if there's going to be a next time, you'd prefer her not to bail out on you. Caution is good when it comes to ... (read in full...)
I can't tolerate porn due to a horrible experience in my past!
Q. My problem is that I hate porn. It dates back to many years ago when I had an awful experience and I have explained this to my partner and how it reminds me of a horrible time in my life which I have sought profession help to overcome. I told him ...
A. 28 January 2011: To be honest I don't think I can answer this unless you can elaborate in some way how porn correlates with this traumatic experience you had.
For now I'll use what you've written so far.
I think the reason he does it is because your he does... (read in full...)
Thinking of giving him seductive (not naked!) pics for Valentines
Q. I want to give my boyfriend of 2 years some sexy pictures of me this valentines day. However I do not want to be naked, or have my body exposed in any way, as I have heard horror stories of how this can turn out. What I would like to do is ...
A. 28 January 2011: You have to decide what you're comfortable with ending up somewhere on the internet. Not saying that your boyfriend is the kind of guy who would do this, but as you know there are countless possibilities. So make that line very clear for yourself. ... (read in full...)
Big decision, do I sell my soul?
Q. im 21 years old and have found myself in a really terrible financial situation. I don't feel like explaining the whole story but I made some bad choices on who to trust. The only immediate job that is paying good is doing massages. Call me naive but ...
A. 28 January 2011: Once you cross the line of your own principles, you might never find your way back. I once talked to a girl who worked as a stripper in a club and asked her how she could do it. She told me at first that she was too shy to even move, but got more ... (read in full...)
I was fine with my girlfriend being an escort ...but now her proximity to a certain client is really bothering me...
Q. I came across this blog and read a couple of them.I am a boyfriend of a escort, I have been her boyfriend for 6 years, she has been a escort for almost 3 years. I am fine with it, She did it for the bills of course.Now We just came into a situation ...
A. 27 January 2011: The problem with involving prostitution into a marriage as a means to make money is that the line gets blurred very quickly. You say you're okay with your wife having sex with total strangers and a couple of regulars. This is what most of us would ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my girl friend for being ungrateful?
Q. I want a break from my Girlfriend because she returned a gift I bought for her. I love her and have been with her for 4 years, This is the first terrible thing she ever done to me! Must I forgive her? She returned a cellphone and wanted a blackbe...
A. 27 January 2011: "Should I forgive my girlfriend for being ungrateful?"
Only if she apologises genuinely. ... (read in full...)
I was fine with my girlfriend being an escort ...but now her proximity to a certain client is really bothering me...
Q. I came across this blog and read a couple of them.I am a boyfriend of a escort, I have been her boyfriend for 6 years, she has been a escort for almost 3 years. I am fine with it, She did it for the bills of course.Now We just came into a situation ...
A. 27 January 2011: Take a header into the deep end when the pool is empty and you go splat. That's the law of gravity. Even Jesus Christ himself had to obey the law of gravity. For a while anyway.
... (read in full...)
How do I stop over reacting to little things in a relationship?
Q. Hey, I need some advice on how to stop over-reacting to little things in my relationship...it's like I imagine the worst possible scenario, which makes me feel sad and insecure, and I want to stop it so that I don't become clingy...I'd love some ...
A. 27 January 2011: I think the only way to deal with this is to make it clear to yourself: if he wants to cheat, he will cheat, whether you're keeping tabs on him or not. Paranoid/clingy behavior actually increases the risk of cheating. So you might as well relax and ... (read in full...)
I told her I was in the university but I'm not. Now what?
Q. I'm a 17 year old lesbian and a couple of weeks ago met this gorgeous woman at a bar. We really hit it off, kissed, exchanged numbers and haven't seen other since. We've been texting since that night, but the only problem is I told her I was in ...
A. 27 January 2011: I'm guessing the reason you lied was because you wanted to impress her and because she's older. Well, the truth will come out somehow, so I would just be honest with her if I were you. Better sooner than later, if you still want to have a shot at ... (read in full...)
Does my husband have the right to be upset about a one night stand when we were separated?
Q. I'm so confused and need some advice. Let me start out by saying I am married, I love my husband and I have no intention on leaving him. Basically my question right now is does my husband have the right to be mad and upset at me for having a one ...
A. 27 January 2011: I'll keep this short. You're his puppet. Your husband has rigged you in such a way that even though HE was the one who did wrong, you are the one begging for forgiveness. Christ woman, don't you have any self respect left? he has absolutely NO right ... (read in full...)
does he think I'm a whore and he is just a really really good liar?
Q. ok,this is really confusing me-I have this new boyfriend-we've been seeing each other for a couple of months and he is saying that he loves me and he wants to have a serious relationship and he sounds really genuine and when he says what he likes ...
A. 27 January 2011: And one more thing: not trying to rub it in, but let this be a lesson for you in the future. NEVER sleep with someone on the first date. For a one night stand, no strings attached deal it's fine, but for everything else it's disastrous. ... (read in full...)
does he think I'm a whore and he is just a really really good liar?
Q. ok,this is really confusing me-I have this new boyfriend-we've been seeing each other for a couple of months and he is saying that he loves me and he wants to have a serious relationship and he sounds really genuine and when he says what he likes ...
A. 27 January 2011: Sorry but if I got wind of a guy I'm romantically interested in calling me a whore because I slept with him, I would introduce him to my right hook. He might be nice to you face to face, but if he talks about you in this way to others, he's probably ... (read in full...)
The thoughtless way my bf's father speaks upsets me. What can I do about this?
Q. Hi everyone i'm a 20 yr old female and i have been with my boyfriend (19) for over 15 months. We live together, like most girls i have a problem with his ex, however they never were really an item she just messed him around. He hasn't seen her sinc...
A. 27 January 2011: Oh, I missed your follow up OP, sorry about that. Well, if your bf is going to talk to him about it, the problem should resolve itself. Still, if you ever get in a similar spot, don't hesitate to stand up for yourself!... (read in full...)
The thoughtless way my bf's father speaks upsets me. What can I do about this?
Q. Hi everyone i'm a 20 yr old female and i have been with my boyfriend (19) for over 15 months. We live together, like most girls i have a problem with his ex, however they never were really an item she just messed him around. He hasn't seen her sinc...
A. 27 January 2011: Okay, I'm going against popular opinion here, but I think you should stand up for yourself if this continues to persist. Just because the man is older and your bf's father doesn't mean you should take all the crap he spits out. Your bf is in a tight ... (read in full...)
I thought he was my true love. But his actions since the breakup make me wonder. How has he been able to move on so soon after our breakup?
Q. My ex is 27, 4 yrs older than me. We were together for 2 years, it felt like true love, he always hinted about the future together we had plans made. We didn't see each other for 2 weeks, due to exams, and he barely texted me. Last week, exams over...
A. 26 January 2011: If this happened to me I'd feel like crap too. I'd probably contact him and throw his own words back in his face. "Clubbing, hooking up with other girls. Nice euphemism for 'studying'. If this is your way of 'focusing on Uni' you'll never get a ... (read in full...)
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