A
male
age
36-40,
*eykeeper
writes:I've known this girl for six months now. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, compassionate, cheerful, and just the right touch of nerdy. She and I are college students. We're three years apart, but in most respects, we're perfectly compatible. Same interests, beliefs, sense of humor, friends, similar career aspirations. We hang out whenever possible, have pretty deep conversations, and many of our friends have said we'd make a great couple. (My best friend even asked a few months ago, "Why aren't you two dating yet?" However, the road to such an outcome is rocky at best.I asked her out about a month in. She told me that she had about five guys into her. She told them all no, but I got a maybe. She said she could see herself with me, but she's afraid she wouldn't be able to responsibily balance school and a relationship. She did tell me to keep her "at the top of the list." Since then we've done plenty with friends, even gone out a couple of times. I have never connected with anyone like i have with her. In fact, I don't think I'm far from love. I know she likes me, but she insists that dating is a bad idea. My question is, a) how do I convince her that we could work and she could still keep up with school, and b) should I even try? Any feedback is appreciated.
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male
reader, keykeeper +, writes (18 July 2010):
keykeeper is verified as being by the original poster of the question@maverick494- Thanks. That's what I figured, but opinions from all sides sometimes get in the way. She's told me enough to where I know she hasn't been buburned like that, but everything else fits. And trust me, patience isn't a problem. She's worth any wait. Thanks for the advice.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2010):
Could be that she's been hurt in the past and just wants to take it slow. I'm like that too when it comes to guys. I turn most of them down, because I want to get to really know them first before I move on to the actual dating. That way, you have a pretty solid base to start from. I also prioritize school a lot, so I think I could offer you a bit of advice from her perspective.First off: DON'T PRESSURE HER. That will only make her back off. It would me. So if you're really determined to make this work, you need to put in some more effort before you get results: - Start with accepting with what she told you and being who you are around her. Show her you care enough to give her the space she wants. You might think 6 months of knowing her is a long time, but really, you've known good friends longer than that and best friends even longer. Since relationships are supposed to last, investing more time seems sensible. - Take it slow. Hang out with her, do fun stuff couples would do, without the "date" tag. Once she finds out you're there to stay and that she's not having problems with school at all, she should ease up and open her heart to you. - The fact she gave you a "maybe" indicates (to me) that she likes you back but that she just isn't ready to take the plunge yet. Don't judge her because of that, because you don't know her past. Lastly: if this sounds like too much effort for you, I'd leave it and look for someone else. Girls like her (and me) take effort to get and sometimes people aren't patient enough. Hope this helps!
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