A
female
age
41-50,
*arry35
writes:Hi, i got pregnant, and had to do an abortion because of medical problems and also my boyfriend didn't wanted to be a father. He told me he wasn't prepared. But having so much problems because of my health and a father that didn't wanted the baby, we took the hard decision of having an abortion, also i already was having signs of miscarriage. Before the abortion my boyfriend told me he will be supportive and will be there for me, and we where going to keep sharing in our relationship.After several days of my abortion, my boyfriend call me rarely, the 2 days past and he didn't call me or answer me,then he called, and told me he was having a lot of problems, I told him that i understand him, but i needed the directions to my visit to the doctor to see if i was doing ok. I told him i will call him next day and he threw me a kiss and said it was ok. Then i called him, he yell at me what do you want and hang up the phone. The i text him, that i needed the directions, he send me the direction by text. He also send me a text telling me we should not see each other again,That he was sorry for the things that we went thru. I called him, but he send me another message telling me not to write him or call him, because he was not going to read or answer, and if i did I was going to loose my time. I feel so bad, i saw him online, i was online, he had me blocked but he the unblocked me, but i was offline in the messenger. I send him a e-mail, telling him that he was a coward and a liar, that he promised me he was going to keep sharing with me and be supportive, and he did not and he was hiding behind his cellular sending me those cruel message. But also, i told him that i wished him the best on life, because i really wanted to keep sharing with him after all we went and all his promises. i needed to write to him, because i need to express my feelings. I told him that he hurt me, because i didn't do anything to him to deserve the way he treated me, knowing of my situation. Then he just deleted me from his profile on messenger and went offline. i feel so bad, I don't know if i did wrong on sending him that email? i need some advice of what do you think of these situation, thanks...
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female
reader, marry35 +, writes (8 August 2010):
marry35 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers, you support with your words,and yes maverick,before he deleting me from msn, i sended him a e mail, telling he was a coward and a liar, because that is really what he didi to me, and no matter his problems, he treated me badly, i know if difficult to him to, but that not an excuse to the way he treated me, yelling at me, and sending me those message, i think he could have done it in other way,if he just wanted to leave me. Not yelling me, sending those messahe of leaving me and saying a loosed my time if i called him, i taught he will send me a message next day, telling me he was sorry, i dont know why he blocked me and then he unblocked me. But i needed to telli him in that e mail, how i feeled about him, by the way he treated me. After that e mail, he deleted me, but he was the one who treated me bad, in any moemnt i treated him bad, i also in the e mail told him that i was a brave women, more than he is, and didnt like to hurt people, that i know how to confront my problems, not like he does hiding. But i wished him the best in life and i told him that i hoped that he can learn how to confront problems, so he doesnt keep hurting people like he did with me.Also i told him not to worry, that i will not call him again or write to him again, after that e mail, because just like he says to me,not to loose my time wrinting to him or calling him, I think that that e mail i sended him, make him deleted me from msn, maybe he get mad, of me sating the true at him, but i didnt insult him, i just tell him how i feel, because i really care about him and trusted him, but he make me feel it was a error to do that, i taught agter the email, he at least well respond with a sorry, but no he just deleted me, expresing he doesnt care about how i feel...Thak you, practical, i blocked him, just like he did with me, it really hurt because i really care of him and i trusted him, when he sayed he will be at my side, i dont understand why the day before he callen me saying he had problems, thre w me a kiss and then did what he did, may be he was looking for the right moment he feeled to do it, when he was mad...Yes Drpsych, it was a traumatic situation, but he he really care of me with suppourt and love, we both could keep going, just as we planned to do, but he gave me his back...
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 August 2010):
I'm sorry but your boyfriend is a big jerk. Getting pregnant is a lifechanging event and for him to be so immature about is just nasty. I can understand when people say they're not ready; it's different for everyone. But to be hard on you because he is not mature enough to deal with his own 'problems' is just completely unfair. I also suspect that these 'problems' he keeps talking about aren't really problems at all but just an excuse not to deal with you.
You're better off without this man. My 5 year old nephew is more mature than he is.
I would call him up from a different phone (borrow one of your friend or maybe a payphone) so he can't push you away. Then I would tell him something along these lines:
"You wanted to be left alone. Rest assured, you will never hear from me again after this. Everyone makes mistakes. I made the mistake of trusting you to follow up on your promises to take responsibility and be man enough to stand by me. Instead you chose to be a coward and leave me to get the abortion on my own. Not only that but you are just nasty to me for no good reason. If deleting me from messenger and blocking my phonenumber is all you can do, I'm happy you don't want to be a father because no child would want to look up to the sad excuse of a human being that you are."
Okay, this might be very harsh, but this is what your post conjured in me. Sorry, but stuff like this makes me so angry. I'm sorry for all you're going through and you deserve someone who is there for you all the way. This man is not it and I cannot honestly call him a man even, because he hardly seems to be one.
Cut him out of your life, pick up the pieces and move on. Surround yourself with people who DO care about you and focus on becoming happy after this tragic event. The best message you can send to people like him is that you're better than him. You can do that by finding happiness again and standing on your own legs. You don't need him.
Good luck and I'm proud of you for handeling everything the way you did.
him that you will leave him alone because he obviously cannot talk to you like an adult is supposed to be able to.
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A
female
reader, Practical  +, writes (7 August 2010):
He is a coward .. u need to forget about him.. he doesn't deserve u anyway..
I think that having a baby with u made him really "know" the reality of his feelings .. that he isn't ready to be a father and that he's not ready for commitment ..
Only a person with a cold heart would dump his gf after abortion and via text messages ..
just move on .. I know u want to know if the e-mail u sent was a good move or not.. but it's not even important .. Do not contact him again .. BLOCK him .. delete everything that would be remotely related to him..
believe me honey, it's gonna be really hard but u will get over this and u will come out of it stronger ..
Just be careful next time .. don't give your time or your heart to someone who doesn't deserve them..
That's my advice .. but it's up to u to decide ..
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 You have both been through a traumatic situation. Your boyfriend and his conduct makes it clear he wasn't ready to be a supportive partner or a father to a child. I suggest that you forget about him because the relationship is not going anywhere. He may have said he would support you, but actions are what are important. You need to just accept that the relationship is over, and that after being treated badly then you shouldn't want to continue anything with him (i.e. self respect comes first). I think the whole trauma should be a learning curve for you. You need to see a doctor to get your contraceptive needs under control because it could happen again if you start a new relationship with another man in the future. Only you are in control of you at the end of the day, and it is definitely the case that you need to take charge of matters.
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