| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 10 May 2011: Thanks for keeping us updated! I'm happy for you that it's over now. Atleast now you can move on and forget about him.... (read in full...)
He acts interested, but breaks plans everytime we are suposed to hook up?
Q. I'm in my early 20's and found through dating lots of guys that most guys my own age aren't looking for relationships, but just for fun and casual dating, which is completely fine, but not for me. So I started dating men older than me, late 20's. I ...
A. 10 May 2011: I would bite the bullet and just ask him.You're genuinely curious, with reason. "You've shown interest in visiting places with me, but whenever we arrange to meet you cancel. Yet you still keep in touch. Why?" ... (read in full...)
He wants me to look like my bestfriend?
Q. My boyfriend loves me and I know he thinks I'm beautiful, he tells me every day, but he always makes comments about how he thinks my bestfriend is hot. she is absolutely gorgeous in every possible way..he drops hints that I need to be skinny like ...
A. 10 May 2011: When it comes up again, I think you should tell him: "I really like my best friend and I'm well aware you think she's pretty. But why do I need to lose weight to become as thin as she is, dress the same way and dye my hair the same colour? Because ... (read in full...)
Is being a virgin a turn off for guys?
Q. Hi:) I am 18 and a half and I was wondering if guys think that being a virgin is a turn off. Lately my friends tease me, especially my male friends when they find out the truth. One male friend (23y old) even told me that I should get...
A. 10 May 2011: With all the questions about girlfriends who have had more sexual partners than them, I think many guys consider it as a turn on. When it comes to that the stereotype plays out in a woman's advantage: for a guy it's not cool if he can't get laid, ... (read in full...)
I like men, but I don't like sex with them!
Q. Hi. I'm a woman in my mid 20s and I don't enjoy sex with men unless they are performing oral sex. I've tried everything I could think of, but the only way I experience pleasure instead of apathy is through receiving oral sex. I'm really just not ...
A. 10 May 2011: It could be that your vagina is too tight. Do you experience problems inserting tampons as well? This could pinpoint to stress (involuntarily tensing your muscles which makes penetration painful) or your vagina is literally to tight (your hymen ... (read in full...)
Should a guy really forgive a girl for being rude because she is on her period?
Q. Is a woman's cycle really a reason to forgive her sudden bitchiness? ...
A. 10 May 2011: I think not. I'm a women, I have my periods and I'm perfectly capable of reigning myself in when I notice I'm getting antsy and sensitive. Sure, it's a known fact many women feel different during their periods, but that's not an excuse for them to ... (read in full...)
I'm rare, but does that make me wrong?
Q. I seem to have the perfect life in which I am fully satisfied with but yet everyone seems to think that there is something wrong with me. I am 23 years old,I have had years of community service, a Black Belt in two martial arts, a loving girlfriend ...
A. 9 May 2011: I wish there were more guys like you out there. As a girl, you sound like a dream come true. Make no mistake, it may be cool among buddies to brag about how many women you shagged, share stories when you're shitfaced and pass on an STD here and ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like tall girls?
Q. Question for the guys, Do guys prefer a woman to be tall? Not taller than them, but not too short? Why do some guys dislike dating short women? Is is to do with the sex? lol ...
A. 9 May 2011: I'm a girl 5'10 in height, which is considered tall by many. I don't think it plays a big part in finding a guy. I don't get the vibe that guys prefer me over smaller girls. Also if you look in Hollywood, many starlets are 5'5 in height, which is ... (read in full...)
Passion returns after 25 years. We're both married. How do I handle it?
Q. Do I say something? I'm 40 years old. I'm divorced. I have 2 awesome kids, and despite being single, I am relatively happy. When I was young and dumb (15) I fell for the 'love of my life' hard. I was consumed with her. I had seriously intens...
A. 9 May 2011: Thought I'd offer some insight from another perspective.
I've been in a situation where I fell head over heels for a married man (with kid) and I chose not to tell him. Hardest thing I ever did, because I still see him often (same sport) and when... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Or can it be as black and white as this?
Q. I've been thinking about this for a while and I think I finally have my answer. Tell me if you think I'm wrong. (or right? LOL) If a man knows that his porn viewing is hurting his girl, and he continues to do it, doesn't that mean he doesn't ...
A. 4 May 2011: Why don't we end this discussion on an "Agree to disagree" note. It's all very simple: if you can't convince someone by being sensible, don't bother and let opinions be opinions. I've seen several posters here (I won't name names) in other topics ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is suffering. How do I compromise with my mom?
Q. Hey. I'm a little worried about my relationship with my mom. (mother to daughter). We used to be really close, and i would be able to tell her everything. I can't do that since I hit the teens and there are horrible fights every single day. Over ...
A. 3 May 2011: When I was your age I looked like the fairy of death. I had blonde hair but everything else I wore was dark. And I was a fan of Victoria Frances before her work became famous. My parents hated the look I was sporting. They told me the makeup I was ... (read in full...)
I found out my fiance was promiscuous and now I don't want to marry her!
Q. dear cupid should i go through with the wedding my fiancee just told me she was promiscuous when younger.i find that to be a turn off i wish she had being honest at the begining like i was i told her i was a virgin by choice and religious ...
A. 30 April 2011: OP, thanks for the follow up. If you want good answers, tell us the whole story and don't keep us guessing. Promiscuous is a word open for interpretation. Some virgin people find someone who's had 5 sexual partners promiscuous. 36 is a whole other... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 30 April 2011: Thanks for the follow up again OP,
You said it didn't work. What happened?
If he can't even bother to cancel when you two were supposed to meet, he's not worth much, is he?
If you two do get to meet again, it will probably be awkward. But... (read in full...)
I found out my fiance was promiscuous and now I don't want to marry her!
Q. dear cupid should i go through with the wedding my fiancee just told me she was promiscuous when younger.i find that to be a turn off i wish she had being honest at the begining like i was i told her i was a virgin by choice and religious ...
A. 29 April 2011: Well what exactly did she tell you in the beginning? Did she tell you she was a virgin? If she did, it was wrong of her to lie, but at the same time it tells you how much she wants to be with you.
If she simply didn't tell you about her sexual p... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I don't know what to do or how to handle this!
Q. I KNOW ITS KIND OF LONG BUT PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS. Ok well i get along great with my maths teacher. hes funny, easygoing and a great teacher! We always have a laugh in class as well as getting the work done, but one day some of my friends started ...
A. 26 April 2011: Oh and one more thing: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. This is NOT your fault. It's his! Just adding that in hopes you won't blame yourself for something you didn't do. ... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I don't know what to do or how to handle this!
Q. I KNOW ITS KIND OF LONG BUT PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS. Ok well i get along great with my maths teacher. hes funny, easygoing and a great teacher! We always have a laugh in class as well as getting the work done, but one day some of my friends started ...
A. 26 April 2011: if he thinks you led him on he's stupid as well as being completely out of line. He's abusing his position as a teacher and don't for a minute think he doesn't know full well what he's doing. You're the innocent one here, not him. You are also the ... (read in full...)
When I spend time with my mother, I end up feeling badly about myself
Q. I feel like when I spend time with my mother, I end up feeling bad about myself. I can't work out if this is justified of me or if I have the problem and are too sensitive. In conversations with her, she always talks and taalks about her life and...
A. 24 April 2011: Okay, first of all: NEVER let anyone discourage you from following your dreams!
When I was 7 I wanted to join ballet but my mom wouldn't let me because there wasn't a school nearby. At 13 I wanted to join karate my mom told me I was not coordina... (read in full...)
Am I doomed to be single?
Q. Hi Im 18 and a little over weight not like fat but a bit bigger and i have these friends that are so much prettier and skinnier than me. we all go out and they get all the attention even the guy i like likes one of them. I just dont know what to ...
A. 23 April 2011: It all depends, my dear. If you are content with how you look right now and you look confident, and know how to work with what you have, that should be enough to get a guy. Also, guys' views on what's pretty differ vastly from what girls think.
... (read in full...)
I caught him having cyber affairs. how do I deal with my cyber surfing husband?
Q. Ok I'm 23 and my husband is 43, we will be married a year in May 2011. We met on a online hookup site, yes I know it sounds bad but I had just been divorced a few months and joined and out of all the guys I chatted with he was the only one who didn...
A. 22 April 2011: Why are you jumping from marriage into marriage again? Especially at your age. Marriage is supposed to be between people who connect on a deep emotional level and truly love eachother. It's not something to be taken lightly or simply jump into. ... (read in full...)
Was his friend right? is it off-putting to guys that I'm articulate? Or am I OK as I am?
Q. When talking to these two guys the whole night at a pub, who were 22 and 23. Near the end when i said my age i first received a nice comment from one guy and then straight after, his friend hit back with a comment that made me think is he right? ...
A. 22 April 2011: I guess the fact it irked you proves you are indeed young ;-) As time progresses you will realize you're fine just the way you are and you will laugh at what that idiot said to you. Just try to remember always to hold on to your true self, not t... (read in full...)
Husband has full out melt down on nit picking!
Q. My husband nitpicks? I dont know if thats the exact word for my situation, but if it is, it is definately NOT normal nitpicking. This is a full out meltdown. I will try to give you some insight into what I mean because it really is bothering me on ...
A. 21 April 2011: Thank you for the follow up OP! Well, that changes everything. It´s now clear you are dealing with a narcissistic and possibly dangerous man. I think the real reason why he´s being like this is because he likes being in control but is paranoid at ... (read in full...)
Husband has full out melt down on nit picking!
Q. My husband nitpicks? I dont know if thats the exact word for my situation, but if it is, it is definately NOT normal nitpicking. This is a full out meltdown. I will try to give you some insight into what I mean because it really is bothering me on ...
A. 20 April 2011: Okay, there has to be a reason he's acting like this. Maybe he's projecting his insatisfaction with (for example) work on you because he isn't man enough to tell his boss. Or afraid to get fired. When someone picks a fight/brings someone down ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 20 April 2011: Well from what you've written he doesn't sound like a man I'd like to spend time with. He doesn't seem to think highly of you and he orders you around and tests you.
There are a couple of solutions:
#1. You gather your courage and tell him: "I... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 19 April 2011: Thanks for the follow up once again OP. You know, this is going to sound cliche, but I think this is for the best. Besides, if you're naive than she is as well: I doubt her relationship with her agent is healthy by any means. He got her all tangled ... (read in full...)
She's moved on awfully quickly
Q. Ok been 11 days now since break up Iam going back home tomorrow been away for 5 days to stay with family I spoke to girlfriends mother yesterday and she running around totally fine why is she doing this Iam devastated so basically I want her back ...
A. 17 April 2011: Just because she seems to have moved on very quickly doesn't mean that she has. Still if it's so, then you have to accept that she'd been thinking about ending the relationship for a while now. And if that's the case, wanting her back is only going ... (read in full...)
Hot for teacher! What to do?
Q. Hello right I have a mega mega problem. I am 1000000000000000000000% in love with my teacher and have been for 2 and a half years but I'm 13 he's 40 he's married and has a kid. So there is no way on earth that we will ever be together. And I'm only ...
A. 16 April 2011: OP, please read this article, it was specifically written for girls in your situation: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me why you hate porn or why you think other women hate it?
Q. Why do women hate porn so much? I agree that when it becomes an addiction, their is a problem. However why, when a guy watches porn only occasionally, and has sex at least once every 2 days? I mean, it's not an addiction but only to spend time. ...
A. 16 April 2011: Here's a similar question with a lot of answers: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-so-many-women-hate-porn.html
As for me, I don't see the big deal. As long as he doesn't watch it when I'm there or leave my browser history full of porn lin... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: It's quite clear he just wanted you for sex and nothing more. He pretty much told you. Once you realize that you will be able to move away from him. Learn from it and move on. A guy who cheats on his wife with you without making it clear to you it ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with this man who I met online, as I've fallen for his personality, but I'm completely repulsed by him physically!!
Q. okay so this is a bit of a weird one. i met this guy on the internet and we quickly became close. for almost 2 years we chatted online every night until the early hours of the morning, and on the phone, texting ect. We've met up a couple of times...
A. 16 April 2011: I'm not sure if the hard, straight forward approach some suggest is the best. He's probably already self conscious about himself and probably at a point where he doesn't know how to get back. Once you get properly overweight, it's VERY hard to ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: Oh dear. Well, I presume you know it's wrong to cheat but you went ahead and did it anyway. You're not the only one to blame because your superior let you and now he's cheating on his wife with you. You'd think that 15 years of extra life experience ... (read in full...)
Now that I'm finally becoming a young adult, I feel like I've accomplished nothing and have no idea of what I want to do with my life...
Q. I honestly feel like I'm going no where in life. I am turning 18 this year, and for the past five years, all I've wanted was this. But now that I'm finally becoming a young adult, I feel like I've accomplished nothing and have no idea of what I w...
A. 15 April 2011: Hey there,
I know this is going to sound cliche but I've been through the same. I also had to take up a lot of responsibility at a young age because of ill family members, etc. And I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, so I just enrolled... (read in full...)
In love with a guy who won't date me because of my age.
Q. Ok, this might sound a little odd but I really need some help if you can give it! I am in love with a guy I met once about six weeks ago and spent only about 3 hours with him. He barely knows I exist, I am sure he doesn't even remember that nig...
A. 12 April 2011: Okay, you just need to get your act back together. The age difference is nothing to object to and in your country you're legal anyway, so that can't be it. Aside from whether this guy likes you back or not (I think not, not if he makes such a big ... (read in full...)
Fingering really hurts...Is there something wrong with me?
Q. When my boyfriend fingers me it's so painful I always have to make him stop! I'm a virgin, and I don't use tampons, so I always thought it would hurt alot the first few times, but we've tried it at least 10 times now, and it isn't getting any ...
A. 12 April 2011: There are a couple of possibilities:
1.Vaginismus. It basically means that you contract your pelvic muscles without being consciously aware of it which in turn makes your vagina too tight/small for penetration. It is often caused by anxiety ... (read in full...)
She doesn't meet my criteria for a life partner. Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Hi, I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly a year now and I've been doing a lot of thinking. I am unsure about how much I love her because when we're away from each other I sometimes miss her, but more often than not end up think...
A. 12 April 2011: The real question you need to ask yourself is if your criteria for a life partner are realistic and fair. People with high standards often sabotage their own happiness. Also I read a lot about what is supposedly wrong with her, yet you only praise ... (read in full...)
She doesn't meet my criteria for a life partner. Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Hi, I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly a year now and I've been doing a lot of thinking. I am unsure about how much I love her because when we're away from each other I sometimes miss her, but more often than not end up think...
A. 12 April 2011: The real question you need to ask yourself is if your criteria for a life partner are realistic and fair. People with high standards often sabotage their own happiness. Also I read a lot about what is supposedly wrong with her, yet you only praise ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 12 April 2011: Thank you for keeping us up-to-date OP. Sorry I didn't reply to your last follow up. To be honest I didn't really know what to add other that I feel sorry for the situation you're in.
Okay, so she's obviously happy with her new rack. But how abou... (read in full...)
I'm 24 and I feel lost careerwise, what do I do?
Q. I always did well at school and had good grades. But I lack direction. I've been working at a warehouse for years and I absolutely hate it. I see other people my age in careers and I feel reallu jealous. I'm smart and I know I can do alot better. I...
A. 11 April 2011: Everything you did is worth something. You did not waste your life; you didn't sit at home doing nothing, now did you? Some people got their careers fired up at 21. Others take some more time. Everyone has their own pace in life and you should aways ... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong way to go about it? I'm using someone else to make my teacher jealous.
Q. i am 18 and i am in a short term relationship with another 18 year old but it isn't serious i don't even have feelings for this guy i am with i know that sounds so awful but i don't. My reasons for dating this guy is... i have feeling for this old...
A. 10 April 2011: He's a teacher, which makes it a no-no. He cannot under any circumstances date a student while he's still working at your college. Simple as that. He will lose his job over it and his reputation will be ruined forever. He's aware of that and he will ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis at 18!
Q. Right. I know this is ridiculous, but i feel as though i am having a mid life crisis at eighteen!? I keep thinking i'm so close to being twenty and going off into proper adulthood. That it's making me panic because i want to experience what ...
A. 10 April 2011: Don't get so hung up about age. There's a reason why many people in their twenties are described as twenty-something. It's because it's very hard to tell how old you are in that decade because you're body is fully developed. I'm 23 and I have a ... (read in full...)
Do you think I can rekindle a friendship after three years?
Q. Can you rekindle old friendships that died at your own hand years ago? The reason I'm asking is because 3 years ago I was part of a group of tight knit friends but after a severe falling out with one of them, they abandoned me. I'm not blameles...
A. 7 April 2011: Thank you two for your answers! An update on my situation:
I went ahead and sent a message with a general apology about what happened and I've gotten replies from all of them saying they had long forgotten about that and didn't even blame me, let ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date an 18 year old? She's still a virgin.
Q. I'm 31 and have never gone out with a girl this young. She's 18 but she's quite mature for her age and doesn't look young either. Sometimes I forget she's 18 and feel like I'm speaking with a grown woman. She's not even "really" woman since she ...
A. 7 April 2011: I have no problem with age differences like these, but it really depends in this case. She's very young and inexperienced so in that respect there's a big gap in where you stand. Taking her virginity just because you 'want' her would be wrong ... (read in full...)
I took a guy's virginity and stopped talking to him cold turkey. Now I feel guilty, what should I do?
Q. About three weeks after ending a five year relationship with my ex I started talking to a guy and things went off great. It was honestly really amazing, he was perfect. I ended up having sex with him, and he had told me before hand that he was a ...
A. 7 April 2011: If the guilt is eating you up, do it. Putting myself in this guy's shoes I think I would be accepting of an apology. Plus you did send him a letter so it's not like you up and vanished, leaving nothing but questions behind.
Just contact him, try... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 2 April 2011: Thanks again for the follow up OP. You sound like a really nice and caring person and I wish I had a more positive reply for you.
The fact she decided to agree signing exclusively to her agent AFTER learning what he's about doesn't bode too well... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 31 March 2011: Thank you for the follow up OP. The following is long, but some food for thought. I'm not purposely trying to make your fiancee look bad, but just writing down what I thought when I read your posts.
From what you've written it doesn't seem lik... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 31 March 2011: First off, you say she paid for the first boobjob herself. Are you saying you're co-financing the second? If that's the case, the first thing you need to do is tell her you're not going to pay someone to mutilate her body.
Secondly, DD is more tha... (read in full...)
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