A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 19, a virgin, and deeply ashamed to be one. what's worse, is that I have absolutely no experience, not only when it comes to sex, but with anything concerning affection (kissing, ect). recently i've been talking to this guy and I think something might happen, but he is so much more experienced than I am, and I know I probably won't be any good for him. Does sex come slightly naturally, or is everyone horrible the first time? also, Do i tell him i'm a virgin and risk him rejecting me because of it..? I just want to get it over with. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): In my country,Its very normal to be a virgin at 19.And not so common if one not . I am 23,and still a virgin.And i will give my first time to my future husband only. Its very interesting , isn't it ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): What? You don't want to enjoy the benefits of retroactive jealousy (which never goes away)? All your potential husbands obsessing over all your past sexual partners for as long as they live, some of whom will cheat to compensate?
You don't know what you are missing!
How about waiting until marriage, instead?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I was a virgin til 19. Nothing to be ashamed of AT ALL. No, my first time wasn't that bad. It was actually quite funny. M first BF and I had been dating for 6 months before we had sex, so we knew each other pretty well and even if the first (and second) time wasn't all that great, it was good, mainly I think because I really loved the guy and he really loved me. We did get a LOT better at it over time though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): I commend you for being a virgin at 19..and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a virgin..I held onto my virginity until i was 22! And i had no previous experience with kissing or anything before i met my first and still boyfriend. I told him on our 3rd or 4th date that i was new to everything and he was completely ok with it and it didn't bother him a bit. We waited one year before having sex and it was completely up to me.In retrospect i wish i had even waited longer b/c afterwards he told me that he would have waited forever for me.
Don't ever give away ur viginity just because u feel like everyone else is doing it..at least you'll know that you'll be having your first time with someone who loves you for you and honestly if the guy wont wait for you..get rid of him b/c he's not worth it. Be proud of who you are and never compromise your morals or standards for anyone.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 August 2010):
Ha! Don't worry gal, it's nothing to be a ashamed of. I know several girls of your age that still have their V cards and it's not because of their looks, because they're quite pretty.
Anyway, don't give it up just to get rid of it. Because then you might as well have started shagging at an inappropriate age (like 13). You've held onto it, so you should give it only when you are ready and feel like this person deserves the honor of being your first.
Don't think of being "no good for him". Look around here. How many guys are disturbed about girlfriends who slept around a lot? Many. You are what a lot of men want, but they don't tell you this because in general people don't think girls like you are still out there.
So be proud of yourself. You have something valuable that many have already lost. To illustrate. Last year a 22 year old virgin tried to sell her virginity so she could finance her studies. I am very against this, but that's beside the point. She got bids as high as a million.
So don't feel cheap when you're obviously the opposite. If this guy can't appreciate what he has, he's a fucking idiot.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Okay hun I few things here. As a guy, I know that some of us are actually relieved to here that a girl is a virgin. Although this does mean you don't have experience, what it does mean is that you are an unspoiled flower and for a guy like me that is a plus. With regards to kissing and other intimate areas, I would suggest looking it up. I was scared for the exact same reason. So I went on yahoo and did my homework. It helped out alot. You do have to make sure the website is serious, or you may end up doing the wrong things. It isn't that hard and yes it comes with practice. I am not sure what your mindset is about where you want this relationship to go, but I do know if you are looking for a serious one you are going about it the wrong way. You say you might not be any good to him. You honestly shouldn't try to think of yourself that way. You also said you were afraid of telling him the fact that you are a virgin. You have to ask yourself: Do you honestly want to be with someone that would reject you for being a virgin? I'd say if he did turn you down it would actually save you from a whole lot more hurt. Every girl deserves a guy that would treat her like a princess. It really comes down to self respect. I hope I helped in anyway.
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reader, LLindy87 +, writes (16 August 2010):
 being 19 and a virgin is not a bad thing! a lot of people think this but really it is all about how you present it, just like with everything in life. If you're confident about it, and area virgin by choice, usually its more attractive to the guy because it shows that you are hard to get, respect yourself, etc. But if you're sad about being a virgin then you might come off as desperate, naive and easy to manipulate.
I'm saying this because I was you once upon a time. I was 17 when I lost mine and I hated that I had no experience with affection as well before that. So I ended up giving away my innocence to some guy who two weeks later stopped returning my phone calls. If I could go back I would change it all. I'm 22 now and I've been with 13 guys...most of who I slept with was shortly after the first guy, I went crazy (not saying you will, just consider how sex could change you) Out of all those guys, only three meant anything to me.
I now have a policy for myself that I'll never settle with anyone. So please don't either. Don't learn the hard way like I did. Keep your virginity and instead of being ashamed be proud of who you are.
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reader, alexis23 +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Well I too am a virgin, no shame. Except I know kissing, anyways, I think you should maybe talk to him about it. Maybe he'll understand, if he likes you. And maybe he can assure you that things will be fine for the first time, just make sure no advantage is being taken! Hope This Helps you. XoXo, Kimberly.
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reader, Elheim13 +, writes (16 August 2010):
First, don't feel ashamed. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is experienced their first time and yes, it probably will be awkward. First thing I would do is make sure this is the person you want your first time to be with. A lot of people, including myself, have made a mistake with their first time and its something you can't take back. Secondly, DO NOT tell him you are a virgin until you are certain of the former. There are guys that view de-virginizing a woman as a prize and will try to convince you to let them be the one. While, again, not something to be ashamed of, this is for your own protection. That is a very intimate secret and you shouldn't give that info to just anyone. If he does indeed turn out to be the one you want your first time to be with, pick a time to bring it up in conversation. Tell him that you are nervous and slightly embarrassed by this. If he is understanding then good. If he acts a little immature, or vulgar, rethink yer choice. Hope this helps. . .
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): everyone was born virgin, and actually it is beautiful to be virgin.
don't worry, like everything else you get better in sex by practice it more, but it is something special (or at least that what i think) so you need to do it when the time is right and with special one,
i remember my first it was really beautiful, even though i wasn't skilled, but it was all love and that makes everything (specially for the first time :))
good luck and don't worry
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): I think the best way to handle this is tell him straight up, if you want to sleep with him then incorporate that statement into your admission, like 'this is my first time but im ready to do this' or something, if you dont then just stay away from jumping in bed with him and having to have the awkward talk. I think the thing you have to remeber is that sex is a progressive thing so its not going to happen straight away.. therefore maybe you want to go for a few bases and say it then - realistically though this guy is a total loser if he doesnt respect you for being a virgin - you havent found anyone worthy of sleeping with yet so he should be chuffed you choose him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Hi there sweetie.
You're not the only inexperienced 19 year old out there. I think you should wait to have sex, don't rush into it just to "get it over with". Be proud to be a virgin, it just means you value yourself and you're not a whore. Whoever this guy is, if he doesn't want you because you're a virgin, he doesn't deserve you. Whoever you lose your virginity to, should respect you for it. When you're kissing and being affectionate, don't worry if you fumble and don't know what you're doing. He probably won't notice, he'll probably just think you're nervous. Just go with the flow, but don't do ANYTHING you're not comfortable with. Once again, be confident about your virginity, let him know you're a virgin. If he doesn't want you because of it, you're too good for him. He doesn't deserve you. Don't rush into anything, you'll regret it. Good luck, dear :)
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reader, heartbroken101  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 if he rejects you when you tell him...be GLAD that you never slept with him. don't you dare do that to yourself. your 19? so what! would you rather be 11 and have lost it and have alot of experience??? no. you don't want to be 'proud' of losing your virginity unless it was to the person you love! it doesn't matter if you haven't kissed a guy or anything like that. so many people (including myself) would wish they were still a virgin and im only 17. so you need to be content with where you are in life and who you are. and its not horrible. do it with someone you love. and dont get to the point where you really wanna lose your virginity because then you will go for anyone. and you truly dont want that! take care of yourself. please!
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reader, arthur dent +, writes (16 August 2010):
I'm a guy, this is my perspective...
Honestly, I think he will be turned on by the fact that you are a virgin.
Sexuality is natural for humans, don't be scared of it. The most important thing is to be relaxed, and to trust your body. Pay attention to him, notice how he responds to different things and do the things that get a positive response. If he is that experienced and you can breath, relax and just let your body move, then your first time will be great. don't just close your eyes and go off into your mind.... it's way better if you stay present. don't be afraid to make sounds of pleasure if your feeling it too... guys really like that, especially when it's real (we can totally tell when girls fake it....)
oh, and don't forget to practice safe sex! use a condom if you really don't want to get pregnant, and to be sure you don't catch any STDs. Have you asked him if he's ever been tested before? there are lots of STDs that don't have any symptoms that people can carry. You can usually find a cheap/free clinic to get tested. trust me, it's much better to find out before you have sex with him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): First of all, it's a little crazy to be ashamed of being a virgin when you're only 19... you shouldn't really have sex until you're married, because it's the ultimate way of showing love, and should only be shared with the one person who wants you forever. If you're thinking that this guy will dump you because you're a virgin, then he isn't the right person to be with. Also, I can't tell you if sex comes naturally because I myself am a virgin, and not ashamed at all by the way. If you really like this guy, then go out with him and don't you dare make yourself easy, because if he likes you for you, without sex, then he's a keeper :] If you think he'll be comfortable with it, tell him you're a virgin. If he's ok with it, that's a good sign! Hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): You are a woman. It doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not. A lot of guys are actually into that.
You know why? Because we are as insecure, virgin or not, as you are.
No guy will reject the chance to sleep with a woman because she's a virgin.
Flynn 24
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