| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Paranoid about a "psychic's" prediction....
Q. To make a long story short, A psychic told me some things. It was just for fun I wasn't trying to find out real life answers... Then she tells me that my bf already has or will meet some girl. She described a petite blonde and said she is personab...
A. 11 June 2011: Listen, even if there were people with the gift of foresight on this earth, they would not be showing them the way your 'psychic' did. They wouldn't open up a shop and advertise their freakiness. If they would want to do something with it, I'd ... (read in full...)
What is it really like to be a mistress?
Q. What is it really like to be a mistress? I have been propositioned by a married man I've known for 2 years. He is 24 years older than me and he really turns me on. Obviously I know this is wrong but it all just sounds amazing. Plus he's had a rocky ...
A. 9 June 2011: Thanks for getting back to us, OP. Unfortunately your answer raised more questions than it explained things. So here we go:
Is there a specific cause for your fear of commitment? Were you hurt in the past? What exactly makes you "feel messed u... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to break up with a friend because you find their way of life offensive?
Q. It seems like to be a good friend means to be supportive. And we are all told we should not be judgemental. But what happens if a friend has habits you find offensive and which go against your value system? Are you a terrible person if you want to ...
A. 8 June 2011: In the end it depends on how YOU feel about it. My opinion might differ from yours, but she is your friend and you are the one who has to deal with your feelings towards her behavior.
Personal behavior reflects what you stand for and in this cas... (read in full...)
What is it really like to be a mistress?
Q. What is it really like to be a mistress? I have been propositioned by a married man I've known for 2 years. He is 24 years older than me and he really turns me on. Obviously I know this is wrong but it all just sounds amazing. Plus he's had a rocky ...
A. 7 June 2011: Op, why don't you want to be important to someone else? Why do you think you're not worthy of love? What made you dislike yourself so much that the prospect of being a mistress to someone who is considered by most people your age to be "over the ... (read in full...)
She says she is over this crush...but how do I know that she's telling the truth?
Q. My girlfriend had a major crush on a client of hers. I found out about it and confronted her. She says that she does think he is attractive, but she is over it now - especially after seeing how it hurt me so much. He is very important to her...
A. 7 June 2011: Oh, one more thing: you will never know if she is telling the truth. If a person wants to cheat they cheat. Your behavior plays a big part in whether she will or not. Being the jealous, restrictive boyfriend will give her a reason to betray you. ... (read in full...)
She says she is over this crush...but how do I know that she's telling the truth?
Q. My girlfriend had a major crush on a client of hers. I found out about it and confronted her. She says that she does think he is attractive, but she is over it now - especially after seeing how it hurt me so much. He is very important to her...
A. 7 June 2011: I would bite the bullet. Tell her that the only way this relationship is going to work is for you both to be honest with each other and trust each other. Then tell her that you believe her when she says she's over him and that you're going to trust ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have failed as a parent, please help!
Q. I am a mother of a 14 year old daughter that persists on having sex with older boys/men. She's already admitted to having sex with a 27 year old and now she's aiming at 17 year old's. At the beginning of April 2011 she went off with someone from ...
A. 7 June 2011: First of all, sorry in advance for the length of this post.
Having been quite rebellious myself at that age, I can emphasize. I did not have sex that early (actually, I was later than most) but I was quite a handful. For me the biggest differen... (read in full...)
What is it really like to be a mistress?
Q. What is it really like to be a mistress? I have been propositioned by a married man I've known for 2 years. He is 24 years older than me and he really turns me on. Obviously I know this is wrong but it all just sounds amazing. Plus he's had a rocky ...
A. 7 June 2011: Okay, let me get this straight:
You are considering to reduce yourself to someone's dirty little secret and play to the hand of a man who is more than twice your age, knowing full well that his wife -whom he pledged love and loyalty to- is compl... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't use facebook or her phone. How does she do it?
Q. I find it very strange that my best friend doesn't have facebook and hardly uses her mobile!? She's 18 so it's werid enough she doesn't have facebook, but the other day i realized she isn't a fan of using her phone either!?? It just is VERY rare of ...
A. 5 June 2011: Well, it's pretty easy actually. You were able to do it before the social networks came along and we didn't have the super fancy mobiles (which isn't that long ago.)
I've dropped the social networks as well and my mobile is 5 years old. I only u... (read in full...)
She constantly brags about her daughter. It wears me down. What can I say to her?
Q. I have a friend that constantly brags about how "advanced" his daughter is. It's incredibly annoying, and not even true. I find her very unfriendly and she doesn't even say a word to me at all. Why do people do this? What can I say, so I don't have...
A. 4 June 2011: Oh that's even more annoying. A while ago I got to sit next one of these characters in a train and he asked me what I did (study) only so he could 'trump me' by gushing about his daughter's even better study. Or he asked me what sport I did and he ... (read in full...)
I cannot shake this guy off and I don't want to be mean. Help!
Q. A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with this guy. I'll call him Brett. We were introduced through a mutual friend. At first he seemed like a really nice guy and we talked through email and over the phone for a couple days before he asked me out ...
A. 2 June 2011: You don't want to be mean to him. Well his behavior doesn't really leave you with any other options than being straight with him. To be honest, he sounds like a disturbed and possibly even dangerous person. Does this mutual friend know of this other ... (read in full...)
His comment about my weight were rude and uncalled for, what should I say to him?
Q. I've been dating my bf long distance for almost 15mths now. Since I've met him, I've gained about 10-15lbs. Two nights ago, we were texting and I mentioned that I had started a new workout the day before and my body was achy because it was s...
A. 1 June 2011: Haha this guy didn't get the memo. Dating 101: Do NOT ever comment on a woman's weight! She will come at you and use your skin as a coat.
That said, atleast he's being honest. I've had my fair share of dieting, jojo-ing, skin issues, blah bla... (read in full...)
Am I just an arrogant american?
Q. Is it wrong for thinking my home country (U.S.A.) is the greatest country in the world? I come from a military family, and have such a deep respect for our armed forces. I am not the most patriotic person in the world, of course I do not trust the ...
A. 30 May 2011: I just wanted to give a nod to Cerberus' answer. Good stuff.... (read in full...)
How do I get over a married man?
Q. Hi Cupids. I could really use everybody's advice. Can you tell me how to get over a married man I am in love with? I know it should never have reached this point but it did. I am a rational, smart and mature woman. I guess I just let my hea...
A. 30 May 2011: Advice to get over love differs because what works for one may not work for the other. I will offer my story instead, so it may give you that last mental push you need.
I fell in love with a married man who had a kid 3 years ago. I saw him twic... (read in full...)
What's a backhanded compliment?
Q. What does backhanded compliment mean??? Someone wrote on a mates wall on FB after someone said "you cant handle her twin, she would ruin you," Then someone wrote a backhanded compliment. Ive never heard of it before, what does it mean?...
A. 30 May 2011: A backhanded compliment, also known as a left handed compliment, or asteism is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. Sometimes, a backhanded compliment may be inadvertent. However, the term usually connotes an intent to belittle or ... (read in full...)
She constantly brags about her daughter. It wears me down. What can I say to her?
Q. I have a friend that constantly brags about how "advanced" his daughter is. It's incredibly annoying, and not even true. I find her very unfriendly and she doesn't even say a word to me at all. Why do people do this? What can I say, so I don't have...
A. 28 May 2011: Look, babies are to mothers what shiny new toys are for kids. They marvell at this new wonder that they have, even though statistically it's nothing special: a child gets born every second. Every loving mother wants to feel good about their child. ... (read in full...)
Sex with him leaves me unsatisfied.
Q. I came to my current partner as a virgin although, I had experienced oral sex before with my ex of four years. I didn't want to have sex with my partner but it happened anyway and after a while, I learned to like it. But now, I don't feel the same. ...
A. 28 May 2011: "I didn't want to have sex with my partner but it happened anyway[..]"
This sentence stood out in your post. What happened? Did your partner force/coax you to have sex with him against your will? How is the relationship between you two? Is it lo... (read in full...)
My colleague offered me a low price for some kitchen items& isn't talking to me now!
Q. Hello! A girl I work with is moving in to a new house with her boyfriend and she sent an email round with a list of things she needed ie microwave, toaster, kettle, furniture etc....as they don't have much money. She said if anyone had these...
A. 28 May 2011: I think I would just shrug and leave her to her own devices. You offered, she didn't take it, well that's her problem, not yours. If she wants to spend the little money that she has on cigs and alcoholic beverages, so be it. Complaining about you ... (read in full...)
My wife has gotten so fat, I can barely have sex with her!
Q. When I married my wife she was smoking hot. I would say an LA "8". Everywhere we went cars honked at her, I couldn't take a piss w/o a guy taking my barstool and taking his shot. Even women hit on her So we got married. As the years ticked by ...
A. 25 May 2011: The female anon brought up an important point: namely that someone who used to be very slim most of her life doesn't get fat without it having a cause. Now, it's natural that once you age, you gain some weight. Our metabolisms slow down as we get ... (read in full...)
Husband hired a sexy escort to work for him!
Q. I really need some advice as I am in shock and don't know which way to turn. I dropped by my husbands office (he is 43) recently as he left his phone at home and walked in to find him drooling from his desk at his new receptionist as she was walking ...
A. 24 May 2011: Stand above your insecurity and jealousy and play it smart. Don't present yourself to this woman as the enemy, someone she has to compete with. Because she's used to that. She's used to women looking down on her and men ogling her. Rest assured, she ... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old
Q. I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old. I struggle with our age difference and it doesn't bother him at all. He wants to marry me and loves my kids as his own. I've discussed with him that someday he would like to have his own children ...
A. 23 May 2011: Well, having been on the other end of the situation (I was barely 20 years old when I fell in love with a 40 year old man) I can understand how this got to be.
But try to remember yourself at his age. What were you like? Have you grown a lot as a... (read in full...)
I want slim legs, which aren't toned... is this possible?
Q. My legs are quite well-toned as I do lots of trampolining and cycling. But I hate how they look, it makes my legs seem very curvy and I know that a lot of men like curvy women but I just hate how my legs look so much. Is there any way which I ...
A. 22 May 2011: The only way you'll lose muscle is to stop training. Your body adapts to the demand, and cycling and trampoline jumping require strong leg muscles. Stopping that will make you lose muscle in the long haul.
That said, I don't get why you don't wa... (read in full...)
Would most girls be ok with their boyfriend going to strip clubs?
Q. hey, i'm 20 and ive been with my boyfriend for 2 an a half years. he is going to bournmouth uni in september and i'm worried about him going to strip clubs. he has never been to one before. Would most girlfriends be ok with their boyfriends going...
A. 22 May 2011: I think I would just bite my tongue and trust him on this if he's been loyal all this time. If you feel the need to say something I would say this: "Have fun, I trust you not to do anything stupid." And then leave it at that. ... (read in full...)
Are teachers prepared for their students to be attracted to them?
Q. Hi, Dear Cupid. Would like to know : Can teachers be JUST attracted by their students who are 16/17 or even 18 ? Are they trained to be prepared that some of their students can be attracted to them? Can teachers be attached to their s...
A. 21 May 2011: Please read this article, it'll answer most of your questions: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html ... (read in full...)
The action didin't happen and now boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it!
Q. Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I planned on having sex with each other for the first time. He planned a date and everything was really nice and by the end of the night I was definitely ready to do it...but he was too nervous or something to get it ...
A. 21 May 2011: Sorry for the double post.
I want to add one more thing: don't plan sex. You only build up tension that way, the same kind of nervousness that made the first try a failure. Sex just happens in the right circumstances, when both of you want it.... (read in full...)
The action didin't happen and now boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it!
Q. Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I planned on having sex with each other for the first time. He planned a date and everything was really nice and by the end of the night I was definitely ready to do it...but he was too nervous or something to get it ...
A. 21 May 2011: Well dear, that's where the concept of 'show--don't tell' comes in handy. He doesn't want to talk about it because he's ashamed. Well, show him you're still very much interested in getting it on with him! Get closer to him, kiss him when you have ... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'm going to be left on the shelf!
Q. It seems like if you arent young (18-29) then there is no point to living. Everything is geared to being youthful, creams, adverts etc. Men all want younger women, from 20 year old men to 60 year old men, they all want women in their late teens to ...
A. 21 May 2011: I get what you mean. I remember being a teen and thinking a twenty-something was old already. I also had the idea that it would take a-g-e-s to get to that point. *flash* Now I am 23. It went so fast. Some of the women in some of the anti-aging ... (read in full...)
What do you think about open relationships?
Q. Hello there, I would just like to ask people what they think of open relationships.. Do they really ever work? Interested to hear about experiences and or opinions of any type of open relationship. Are there certain conditions under which they wor...
A. 21 May 2011: From my POV, they can't work out. In my opinion a relationship is something that binds two people together. They share eachother's love, which is also expressed through sex. Having sex with someone else while in a relationship undermines the entire ... (read in full...)
Guys from other countries--would you consider a US girlfriend?
Q. Guys from the United States as well as other countries, can you please opine on this? I am not putting down my country or my compatriates but sometimes I wish I weren't American! Sometimes it feels like a real cross to bear. I would LIKE to...
A. 21 May 2011: I have to say that on a whole, I do think many american girls seem shallow and dare I say, stupid on first impression. American culture has made them come across that way, with all the "like" "y'know" and other filler words that constantly litter ... (read in full...)
What is the point of having one partner for all of your life?
Q. What is the point of having one partner for a life time? Why not change them for a younger/hotter/sexier model every few years? What is the point of staying with someone for 20/30 odd years? its unnatural? Deer and lions do not do that and yet we ...
A. 21 May 2011: The world simply doesn't work that way.
Also, you're a female, which means that you often don't get to exchange your partner for a younger, sexier one when you get older. So unless you take extremely good care of yourself, have genes on your sid... (read in full...)
Would you rather like someone too much, or have them like you too much?
Q. A hypothetical question: Would you rather date someone who you really liked but they weren't so into you? Or someone who you weren't really into but they really liked you? This is a real life situation I'm in right now, so thanks so much fo...
A. 20 May 2011: I'd rather be into someone too much than the other way around, because I'm in charge of my emotions. I'm very good at getting over my crushes, so when I realize he's not into me, I can move on and that's that.
When someone is into me that I'm not ... (read in full...)
20 yr old female virgin
Q. I'll be 20 years old in a a few months and I'm having a hard time being ok with being a virgin. I've also never had a boyfriend. I had my first kiss last year. It took forever because I would always reject guys thinking my first kiss was gonna be ...
A. 20 May 2011: I was 22 when I lost my virginity and I'm happy I lost it when I was ready. You are not alone, you know. Brooke Shields said she lost hers at 22 and we all know what a knockout she was at that age (and still is, btw). Supermodel Adriana Lima was ... (read in full...)
Theres a pic of my breasts on everybodys phone
Q. ok, so i was with this one guy, lets call him bob, and i dumped him...the night that i dumped bob, i was texting an older guy, (fred)..and i sent him a picture of my tits...two days later i started dating a different guy,(george) and i'm still with ...
A. 20 May 2011: Well girl, that's what carelessness and stupidity gets you. There's nothing you can do about it now. That's the perk of modern technology. You can file complaints, reports, whatever, but those pictures will always stay around. Learn from it, please!... (read in full...)
Husband has bars on credit card statement but says credit card company made a mistake
Q. recently my husband's credit care statement had three different charges for well known bars in the city. not restaurants, but just bars. And not cheap either. each was a week night. We never go out during the week. We both work in different parts of ...
A. 20 May 2011: Credit card companies don't make mistakes. Not like that anyway. He went to those bars and he is trying to cover up for it with a flimsy lie. It goes to show how much you trust him that you didn't call bullshit the moment he said it. He's hiding ... (read in full...)
How do you help someone who has really low self esteem?
Q. My boyfriend is so negative, I really want to help make him see the brighter side some more. He clearly has low self esteem and no matter how gorgeous I tell him he is it clearly just just doesn't sink in, he just doesn't believe me I guess ...
A. 20 May 2011: I used to be like your boyfriend. I didn't have any self esteem, felt worthless and ugly and no-one could convince me otherwise because I thought they were doing it to humor me. This was all because I'd been badly bullied in the past and it took a ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, now I'm scared that once he's clean he'll find someone else.
Q. im trying to stay away from my ex. im still completely in love with him but he smokes crack. i justy dont want that kind of lifestyle. im stupidly hoping he will quit and we can have our happily ever after. im scared im going to let him go and then ...
A. 20 May 2011: Look, the truth is that most of the time, people addicted to drugs stay addicted to drugs. He couldn't get sober when he was with you, so why would he get sober when he's single? If any, it'll give him less motivation to do so because noone is ... (read in full...)
My ex's daughter wants to live with me
Q. My partner and I have split up amicably. I have just heard from her daughter that she wants me to live with her. I do know now that she wants me as a sexually active partner. It transpires that we have the same needs and desires. The age difference ...
A. 19 May 2011: Sorry man, but I wouldn't touch this with a ten feet pole. There are just some things you don't do and shagging your ex's daughter is at a top spot on that list.
Sure, I get that this is a two way street, that she may have initiated it. But righ... (read in full...)
Living with my boyfriend and have a young child together, but thinking of meeting up with my online guy. Should I meet him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 5 years, we live together and have a 10 month old son. For about 7 years ive known a guy online, hes sweet and we phone each other constantly, before I met my boyfriend we were planning to meet up as we ...
A. 17 May 2011: You know this is a trainwreck waiting to happen. Please use your brains and be sensible. You're seriously suffering from the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome.
Someone you meet online is ALWAYS different when you meet them in real lif... (read in full...)
Is anyone else annoyed at Facebook?
Q. I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too. I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share thos...
A. 13 May 2011: I'm of the generation that pretty much devours facebook right now. The problem with it in my opinion (and by that I mean facebook and twitter, etc.) is that the downsides have started to outweigh the upsides.
As a tool to get in touch with peo... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 10 May 2011: Thanks for keeping us updated! I'm happy for you that it's over now. Atleast now you can move on and forget about him.... (read in full...)
He acts interested, but breaks plans everytime we are suposed to hook up?
Q. I'm in my early 20's and found through dating lots of guys that most guys my own age aren't looking for relationships, but just for fun and casual dating, which is completely fine, but not for me. So I started dating men older than me, late 20's. I ...
A. 10 May 2011: I would bite the bullet and just ask him.You're genuinely curious, with reason. "You've shown interest in visiting places with me, but whenever we arrange to meet you cancel. Yet you still keep in touch. Why?" ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 30 April 2011: Thanks for the follow up again OP,
You said it didn't work. What happened?
If he can't even bother to cancel when you two were supposed to meet, he's not worth much, is he?
If you two do get to meet again, it will probably be awkward. But... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 20 April 2011: Well from what you've written he doesn't sound like a man I'd like to spend time with. He doesn't seem to think highly of you and he orders you around and tests you.
There are a couple of solutions:
#1. You gather your courage and tell him: "I... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: It's quite clear he just wanted you for sex and nothing more. He pretty much told you. Once you realize that you will be able to move away from him. Learn from it and move on. A guy who cheats on his wife with you without making it clear to you it ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend always makes excuses...should I tell him I love him?
Q. i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: Oh dear. Well, I presume you know it's wrong to cheat but you went ahead and did it anyway. You're not the only one to blame because your superior let you and now he's cheating on his wife with you. You'd think that 15 years of extra life experience ... (read in full...)
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