| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 24 November 2011: OP, this does not sound good. I don't get how you can be so infatuated with him while you don't know him at all. I know guys like that and they are either massive players or they're simply not who they say they are, which in both cases is bad news. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of 7 yrs isnt putting effort in anymore what should I do? is she scared of committment?
Q. My girlfriend of 7 yrs isnt putting effort in anymore what should i do? *warning this is gonna be long i apologize and appreciate any feedback*thankyou* Ok heres the situation.. Ive been with my girlfriend for 7 years and also have a beautifu...
A. 22 November 2011: If you're too old fashioned OP, that makes two of us. I believe in commitment and I also believe in taking responsibility. By choosing to have this child she chose this life. I think she should also carry the responsibility that comes with caring ... (read in full...)
He took part in a golf tournament with another woman because I'm not good enough! Now we cant stop rowing about this, what should I do?
Q. My husband and I both play golf. He has been a member for years and plays regularly, but I am a beginner and only get chance to play occasionally. At the weekend the club were holding an Open Doubles Competition which he wanted to play in. All ...
A. 21 November 2011: You said yourself you weren't confident to play. If you expressed that to him he may have viewed that as the green light to arrange someone else to play with him. I don't see the problem honestly, unless you believe there's something more going on ... (read in full...)
Starting over again. Running out of time to have a family. Will men be put off by my situation when I start dating?
Q. I am 39 (40 next spring) and childless. I have just come out of a 10 year marriage which pretty much destroyed my sense of self worth / esteem. I am still a little raw but trying to move on. My hopes and dreams for a happy family life with a lovi...
A. 21 November 2011: 40 isn't that old in my opinion and I'm 23. I honestly would stop worrying about that because that's really the only part you can't do anything about. So you're not a young flower anymore, well that doesn't mean you're not a very appealing woman. My ... (read in full...)
I like this married guy but I'm not sure that I want to be a mistress!
Q. hey, this is the first time writing to one of these agony aunt things so i'm sorry if this is long winded. long story short, a guy i'm attracted to has asked me out. he's cute, funny, intelligent.. everything i would want in a guy but never se...
A. 20 November 2011: Why would a young, pretty, athletic, SMART girl consider becoming a mistress when she can get so much better? This so called ideal guy obviously has no regard for his wife's feelings. He doesn't understand the concept of loyalty and trust, something ... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 20 November 2011: If you have a profile picture on fb, refer to that. Tell him that since he's being careful about his privacy he should understand why you are being the same way. ... (read in full...)
Attracted to students as a teacher. Help!
Q. I'm a secondary school teacher 11-18 and always find myself attracted to students. I'm 28 and married. I find myself attracted to the older students and sometimes thinking what the younger students will grow up to look like. I have never acted on ...
A. 20 November 2011: First of all kudos to you for recognizing your issue (attraction to the students) and being bothered by it! When I clicked this question I was really afraid to read about a man trying to rationalize dating students, but thankfully that wasn't the ... (read in full...)
He chose to spend our 1 year 10 month anniversary with his college friends!
Q. Ok I know this sounds a bit stupid but yesterday was our year and ten months anniversarie but he kept telling me last week that he was gonna surprise me wit breaking Dawn tickets and so I was just thinking it comes out Friday it's our day Friday ...
A. 20 November 2011: To be honest, I don't see how 1 year and 10 months is something worthy of celebrating; to me the real milestone would be at two years. So how many of these anniversaries have there been over the course of 1 year and ten months? If there were many, ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on having fun, or should I settle down with a nice man?
Q. I'm 28 and have recently been getting out and about hitting the clubs a lot. I've also met a few guys from internet dating sites. This is the first real time in my life that I've been going out a lot, and meeting new men regularly. I'm really ...
A. 20 November 2011: Well, you have to decide what's more important to you right now. This guy isn't going to hang around forever and if you call it off to pursue your fun and later decide those one night stands aren't what you want to keep doing, he might not be ... (read in full...)
Braces! rubberbands! I feel so ugly. All my photos next year will be ruined. And I'm a dancer. What can I do to get through this?
Q. I'm 16 years old, and in my 3rd year of high school. I recently just got braces on, not to straighten my teeth (they were already straight), but, to fix my bite. I have to wear rubberbands and all of that. I can't stand to even look at myself anym...
A. 19 November 2011: Everyone feels ugly when they get braces. I had braces in the last 2 years of high school to fix my teeth and my bite so I also had a mouth full of rubber bands. I never made a problem of them and when people mocked me I just shrugged and said "At ... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm worthy of this girl
Q. I have been very ill lately, having seizures and panic attacks, due to a hereditary nerve problem. I recently met a girl who is 14 and really took to me. She called everyday to see if I was okay, and she has just been an angel to me. I am 18 and a ...
A. 19 November 2011: Just because she's a model and a movie extra doesn't mean that makes her better than you. She obviously seems to care about you a lot, which means that she considers you to be worthy of her. You cannot help your nerve problem and it should not be ... (read in full...)
My brother threw our long lost homeless father out. Did he do the right thing?
Q. Hey i'm conflicted. You see my father left me and my mother and my older brother when we were kids. Since then we've struggled to make ends meet. But now my older brother is successful. he's an architect now. and we're living comfortably. really ...
A. 19 November 2011: I have to agree with tennisstar 88. It is very convenient of your dad to turn up now you guys finally have money. There's a reason he's homeless and that usually has to do with substance abuse and/or very bad decision making. In most cases: bad ... (read in full...)
Can a guy's car make him more (or less) attractive?
Q. Here’s a bit of a strange question. Does the type of car a guy has make him more attractive or less attractive? Does it have an influence on women? The reason I am asking this question is because of this, I used to have a classic BMW, one with ch...
A. 18 November 2011: Personally I don't give a damn. If it has 4 wheels, 2 seats and a steering wheel, I'm fine with it. I'm not really in a position to be picky when it comes to these things anyway; I don't have my own car because I can't afford it (yet).
Howev... (read in full...)
I'm in my late 20's and haven't had a first date, first kiss etc!!
Q. Hey, I'm in my late 20s and kinda struggling with idea that ive not had any my firsts', first date, first kiss, first boyfriend, first car, first time, stil virgin etc. I really intended them much sooner in early 20s but things happened, I tried ...
A. 17 November 2011: There are more like you out there; check the virginity category ;-)
What exactly "got in the way" of making things happen? If this has dragged on for years there might be some underlying issue that needs to be dealt with. Unfortunately I can't ... (read in full...)
Just learned that I may not be my son's father
Q. I need to make a HUGE possibly life changing decision. My wife and I are married for almost 15 years. When we met she had just broken up with her ex-bf. We dated for about 6 months when she told me she was pregnant. I did the right thing, and we ...
A. 16 November 2011: I would talk to her about it. Going behind her back is not going to do any good because it'll make you just as bad as her if what the guy said is the truth. If it turns out to be a lot of air she will feel betrayed. The risk is too big: even the guy ... (read in full...)
My bf doesn't work and I pay all the bills. Please help me see this from a different perspective.
Q. I am at a tough point in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and have been best friends for 2 years before that. I love him a lot, and I think he loves me too. However, after starting to live together, the ...
A. 16 November 2011: We can't offer a different perspective because there isn't one. Not a positive one, anyway.
This guy is a leech. He lives off you and uses his anger to exert control over you. I bet that when you're getting close the point to tell him to shove it... (read in full...)
He said I "owe" him sex!!! Should I feel bad?
Q. On another note, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last week after him controlling me for over 2 years. A week before I had began getting closer to my guy friend but I hadn't noticed it 'till I broke up with my boyfriend. It's been a week since my ...
A. 11 November 2011: Look, I don't really know what you want from us, OP. You have posted this question before, here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ex-says-i-should-have-sex-with-him.html
You got 21 answers and they're not much different from the ones you've b... (read in full...)
Episodes of My childhood – Unloved & Abused By My Mother
Q. This is my story...I am the eldest sister of Bluegem and whiteopal who have both recently posted letters on Dear Cupid, and I endorse everything they say about the verbal and physical abuse we suffered when growing up. This is only a little...
A. 8 November 2011: Thank you for sharing this tragic story about your childhood. I will never for the life of me understand such cruelty and disregard in human beings. My grandmother once told me about her time in a japanese concentration camp, how the nicest guards ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 7 November 2011: I just wanted to give a nod to the anonymous university student who commented below. She said everything I wanted to say and if there was a like button I would press it. (For now she'll have to do with 5 stars). This article insults us as human ... (read in full...)
Ex says I should have sex with him because I owe him my virginity since he waited for me
Q. Me and my now ex-boyfriend just broke up because of me not being in love with him anymore. Although we're broken up, he's telling me to have sex with him so we can both loose our virginities and then he'll move on. He says if we do have sex, he'll ...
A. 7 November 2011: When I read the title I actually burst out laughing from the ridiculousness of it all. Honey, if you are seriously considering this you are insulting your own intelligence. ... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong by refusing to pay for my wife's new dress?
Q. Hi, I really got to get this out as I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe there are some factos which I am not taking into account. My wife and I are both young working professionals, my salary is higher than hers by around 30%. We bough...
A. 29 October 2011: @ the anonymous reader below: I haven't heard about his wife giving him anything special recently. Is it a one-way street? Should the husband only give expensive things to the woman even if their financial situation does not allow it?... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong by refusing to pay for my wife's new dress?
Q. Hi, I really got to get this out as I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe there are some factos which I am not taking into account. My wife and I are both young working professionals, my salary is higher than hers by around 30%. We bough...
A. 28 October 2011: You did all you could. Next time, don't hesitate, but simply say "no." You don't question what she does with her money? Well then that means she should do the same for you. It's YOUR money. If you don't want to spend it on stupid, trivial things ... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong by refusing to pay for my wife's new dress?
Q. Hi, I really got to get this out as I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe there are some factos which I am not taking into account. My wife and I are both young working professionals, my salary is higher than hers by around 30%. We bough...
A. 28 October 2011: You handled this better than anyone could have done, OP. I, like many others here, like to buy things for myself from MY OWN salary. I take pride in having paid for most of the things I own. It's called independence and being responsible, a concept ... (read in full...)
Since starting university, I go from missing my B/f terribly and wanting nothing more than to be with him to wanting to ring him up and end things, several times a day!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two and a half years. We're very close (I consider him my best friend as well as boyfriend), love spending time together and still find each other just as attractive as we did when we first started ...
A. 24 October 2011: Lots of people get shaken up when starting Uni. I noticed this as well in my class. Especially if you've moved to another city to live on campus, it takes a while to adjust. Emotional mood swings are a part of that. A friend of mine struggled a lot ... (read in full...)
Sex with my younger boyfriend sucks. How much time should I give him to improve?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I have known each other for almost a year. He is a very lovely and caring guy. He is also tall, handsome, dark hair, and muscular (ok he's really my type). He just moved from Poland to US when we first met. Since I came fro...
A. 22 October 2011: You really are too impatient. You can't expect him to go from zero experience to WOW in just a few tries. Contrary to what popular myth suggests, men cannot actually read our minds. They do not pick up our most subtle hints. If you want to get ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my husband is embarrassed of me!
Q. Okay, what do you think. My husband is pretty popular on social networking. A while back I posted my picture on my social sites that are linked to his (like twitter.) He quickly told me to take down all pictures of me because people would tak...
A. 22 October 2011: I'm very sorry to say this OP, but I think your gut feeling is right on the money. He's embarrassed by you. I'm not going to talk about how pathetic it is that he tries to maintain a certain image/delusion on facebook. There's nothing you could even ... (read in full...)
Her mum is suffocating the life right out of this relationship!
Q. Any advice is appreciated. My girlfriend is 19 I am 22 we have been together for 3 years, her mum is 58 and been single since I met her, her mum has always bugged me since day 1 but I put a brave face on everything but I am struggling to do that ...
A. 20 October 2011: I wholeheartedly agree with everything CaringGuy has brought up. I've seen relationships like this before, where one is completely controlled by a parent. Basically she's a puppet and her mom is the puppet master. Unless she finds the wil to do ... (read in full...)
Why do I have the worst of luck in everything, including love?
Q. My main question here is why do I have the worst luck. I wonder, am I cursed? I mean, I haven't had one girl say that they liked me, I also was rejected once. I don't mean to start any religious conflict, but does someone "up there" hate me?? Let me ...
A. 18 October 2011: Look, shit happens man. That's just the way it goes.
Why did my grandmother have to be put in a concentration camp when she was 10 years old, why did her dad have to be beaten to death when she was 12, why did her first husband have to die at a... (read in full...)
My parents have refused my girlfriend who has been on wheelchair since birth, now I want to marry her without their assent, don’t you guys think I have taken the correct decision ?
Q. My girlfriend has been on wheelchair since birth but she's well educated and doing teaching . I think she's so pretty that one can easily compare her with Fairy. She's 5 years younger than me and I am her first boyfriend . We are in a relationship ...
A. 14 October 2011: I really commend you for doing this, but even so, read "The Old Man"s post carefully. My mom has been wheelchair bound (electric) for quite some time and requires 24/7 care. My dad and hired nurses take on that task. I pop in often to lend a hand as ... (read in full...)
I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks since I found out his devastating news!
Q. Ok,I need some advice. I've been to ashamed to share this with family or friends yet. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I'm 28 and he's 26. I found out recently almost by accident that before he started dating me he was involved...
A. 14 October 2011: Sorry to reply twice but I can't edit my post. I have one question: has he tried to contact you at all in these two weeks? By now he should know something's up.... (read in full...)
I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks since I found out his devastating news!
Q. Ok,I need some advice. I've been to ashamed to share this with family or friends yet. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I'm 28 and he's 26. I found out recently almost by accident that before he started dating me he was involved...
A. 14 October 2011: I agree with Danielepew, you need to make up your mind about what you think about this and make a decision based on that.
However, I do think that if you choose to break up with him, he deserves to know why. Also, don't forget that 15-year ... (read in full...)
My wife is the breadwinner now and wants me to be a house-husband, should I do it?
Q. Hi I m from Detroit city age 35. I lost my job couple of years back because of the recession ; haven't been able to find another one. However, my wife,33, has a great job with big fat pay package. Surprisingly, she got a promotion during the rece...
A. 11 October 2011: I don't see why not. It's all about evening out the workload. This has nothing to do with your manhood. The situation is as such: she is at work all day, you're at home all day. Why should she have to do all the household stuff while you have enough ... (read in full...)
I'm in an open relationship. my friend's brother and I had sex. So why did'nt he reply after our great night?
Q. My husband and i agreed to an open relationship not too long ago after being married for 6 years. I met my friends brother at a club few days back. He was flirting with me, buying me drinks, dancing with me etc. I told him about my relation...
A. 11 October 2011: I agree with everyone else. You don't seem to be able to grasp the principle of an open relationship, or atleast your version of it is not in line with the person you had sex with--he obviously viewed it as pure sex/no strings attached thing that ... (read in full...)
Help me get over these 3 "speed bumps" so I can ask her out!
Q. alright, kind of a long question here. There is this girl in my class at university who is really really cute and i want to get to know her/ask her out, but a few things, first, i am really really shy and usually have problems starting conversations ...
A. 11 October 2011: Why not try and find out if you really like her before asking her out? To me it seems the only reason you like her is because she's beautiful.
You cut your own chances short if you plan to ask her out without even having a decent conversa... (read in full...)
My husband (who cheats) wants to go off his anti-depressants, and it is way too soon!
Q. I've got serious issues, and no one to talk to. I have a great family, wonderful friends, but I'm so afraid of judgment. And now the plot has thickened. I'm 25, he's 29. My husband and I have been together 6 years, married 2. He is a former...
A. 10 October 2011: I have to agree with the anonymous reader who first posted her answer. Where is your sense of self worth? He's cheating on you, he's putting you at risk for STD's, he's depending on you to deal with his problems while he isn't being cooperative and ... (read in full...)
How to get him into running? I do not want to suggest too obviously that he might think his huge belly is bothering me
Q. I have been seeing this shy guy for six dates. I started to like him and he seems to like me too, otherwise he will not ask me out :) We have entered this friend zone. I like his intelligence, some sense of humor, quietness, and like me, he is a...
A. 3 October 2011: I get what you mean, Linda. To some degree I agree with the "accept him for who he is" and "don't force a person to change for you" stuff, but to me, being overweight and unhealthy, unless caused by a medical condition he can't help, isn't part of ... (read in full...)
Do girls like sweetheart guys?
Q. Do girls like sweetheart guys? I'm still single and I feel like I can't harm anyone, I would drive my girlfriend home from school or work etc. I would pay for meals, when shes cold I would warm her with a nice hug and might even offer her my jacket. ...
A. 2 October 2011: No offense, but it's probably your eagerness that scares them away. When meeting a nice girl, don't immediately shower her with attention and affection. Make her earn it.
Just have a good time and don't hang out with her with the idea of somethin... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 23 September 2011: None of us are saying you're dumb. What we're saying is that you're too stubborn for your own good. You say that "maybe" you've added to the tension. It's not maybe, it's definitely! I just read the exchange and from your posts I was pretty much ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 22 September 2011: You didn't mention you called him after that text joke. You said your last contact with him was that text joke you sent him late in the evening. My post was based on that info.
If you did call him and he hasn't bothered getting back to you, ind... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 21 September 2011: Life isn't fair. That's just how it is. Not everyone gets dealt the same deck of cards. Some people can get away with stupidity for their entire lives, some end up paying for one stupid mistake their entire life. There's the kid who did a thousand ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 20 September 2011: You have been posting about this back and forth, keeping this in your mind for days at a time, wondering, analyzing, assuming, and torturing yourself because you have this rule in your head that it's the guy's turn to contact you.
I've seen fri... (read in full...)
What went wrong here? How did things change so suddenly?
Q. Hello to anyone who reads this. I have heard this is a good site for advice so here goes... Met someone and hit off big time. Always recieving texts and asking to meet them. Saw each other everyday and spent most nights at their house. Met f...
A. 19 September 2011: Hmm the dating site thing is odd. Maybe he's trying to prove something to himself. Whatever you do, pay him no heed anymore. You did what you could, he turned his back on you and that's that. He will never be able to keep a girlfriend if he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: I just posted mine before you posted your follow-up OP. Sorry about that.
Your dad will come around, trust me. He's just a little shellshocked right now. Just be calm with him, (not in a condescending way, mind you). Once he starts shouting... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 19 September 2011: I fully agree with CindyCares on this one. Your family isn't handeling this well, but there are always two sides to the story and if you've given your family an attitude along with the irresponsible behavior that led this to happen in the first ... (read in full...)
What went wrong here? How did things change so suddenly?
Q. Hello to anyone who reads this. I have heard this is a good site for advice so here goes... Met someone and hit off big time. Always recieving texts and asking to meet them. Saw each other everyday and spent most nights at their house. Met f...
A. 18 September 2011: I think your man just realized that he isn't ready for a new relationship yet. The pain is all still too raw and maybe he doesn't like exposing his children to new partners when he isn't sure where he wants to take the relationship.
I think th... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 18 September 2011: Well, if your last text was that joke you sent, and he didn't have the time to reply to it (asleep maybe) he might have disregarded it in the morning. I mean, it's not like your last text was a question that needed answering. It was just a comment. ... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 18 September 2011: Well, if you initiated contact again after the last text you wrote about in your original post, I'd say it's up to him now.
There are no written rules; everyone just does what they like. That's the problem. I don't think you 'gave it up' too soon... (read in full...)
It seems like everything died because we had sex!
Q. i hit one wrong button and deleted everything I wrote so here is a reduced version. I was talking to a guy for two months via text and hung out a few times. He works at the same place I do but don't see him hardly at all so I wasn't worried about ...
A. 17 September 2011: I don't see the big issue. It's been a couple of days only. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. He may be trying to figure out his next move. He's been replying to your previous texts so that gives me an indication he doesn't view you as a ... (read in full...)
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