A
female
age
30-35,
maverick494
writes:I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant others badly? I mean, I can't turn my head and I read about another question regarding one of these abusive relationships. 2. What do people view as "abusive" these days? "I came out of a abusive marriage and I..[insert problem]""I have been in abusive relationships in the pasts." Etc. What is abusive? Being hit and verbally incinerated? Or do you call having a lot of arguments being in an abusive relationship?Sorry, I guess I just want to understand. It's just sad to me that was is supposed to enrich life ends up making people miserable for years, even though they can step out at of it any moment. Reply to this Article
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 September 2010):
maverick494 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I'm late, I just noticed the new replies by now.
@anonymous 1 (12 July): I don't see how being beaten by a man would gain me more insight in the matter. For the record, I have been, but the difference is that I fought back. (Though this was not someone who I was romantically involved with, so that makes the situation different.)
I know it is easy for me to sit behind a computer and type this, just like it is for you to sit behind yours and call me an ignorant little girl. If you hadn't done that you might have had a point.
But I meant what I said: I find it hard to understand why people let themselves be abused. Especially when it concerns the kind you've experienced. Why wait until that faithful day comes you're almost beaten to death? Why not get out the first time he hits you? Or atleast when you realize it's not getting better? Maybe I'm shortsighted, but what manipulation could keep a person in such a situation?
@Anon 2 (12 july): though I get what you're saying it's a long road till the day the husband/bf threatens to kill you. That moment is not something that comes out of nowhere. Isn't there usually a buildup of abuse that leads to the breaking point? I understand that at that point women are too scared to leave. But what about before that?
You say it's not that easy or simple, but how is it so complicated? My mom thinks to quit smoking "isn't that simple" but all she has to do is not pick up a cigarette anymore.
I guess that in theory everything is simple but the human mind makes it complicated.
A
female
reader, HollieMc +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Well, others call my relationship "abusive", And I also wonder if it is myself.I rather call it difficult. Sometimes im not sure who abused/abuses who.Therefor im not sure if its right for me to say "im abused by HIM"people do not normally step out of a relationship because you wonder "is it my fault" and think "if i change he will too" so you are trying to change yourself, to better your partner. While hoping they will except you NOW, if not then. =/I am still wondering if its my fault truly, or if that has been brain washed into my head and hearing "if you just acted right it wouldnt be like this" one too mnay times. So, i cant help but to think its just me not quote -acting right.But the sad thing is there is always one that loves the other, if not both, otherwise they would not still be together. Therfore it is Not a win win situation, because if you are the person in love, as i, then you are hurting yourself as much as or more then the pain you recieve when you are abused. Abused in my deffinition would be physically beaten, hurt, slapped, punched. I can not deny my own inituated harm done, but i also am a small lady. Someone else can be the judge of right and wrong. Though there can also be verbal and mental abuse. Which is also horrible. having the feelings of love. but the person you love treats you like you are the worst thing in the world, and talks to you like you are their worst enemy, though seconds later can talk to a stranger on the street, or a co working, or friend, as if they are the friendliest person in the world.Only making things worse, because then you know you are nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I somewhat agree with that last comment. It's not as easy as walking away when you've had enough. Therefore, you really shouldn't be judging others in the same situation, thinking they are allowing theirself to be abused. It's much more complicated than that. Many women stay out of fear because the abuser often threatens to kill them
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): First of all little girl, it's not about letting yourself be stepped on, its about control and manipulation. You would know that if you even slightly knew anything about abuse and it's not to be taken so lightly from someone who can sit at her computer, and pound out some sentences about not 'understanding.' i almost lost my life by the hands of an angry man, so I suggest you shut your mouth unless you've been beaten by a man yourself because you are very obviously ignorant on the subject
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A
female
reader, Ritasanyal +, writes (11 July 2010):
When parents fight, argue which often escalates into physical blows or more - one becomes the dominator and the other dominatee.
It can be a cultural thing, economical or simply a case where relationship hinges on children.
But by far the children are the victims!!
They not only see the abuse - they accept it and inculcates it over the years - and soon they start doing what they witnessed over the years thus starts the vicious circle
It all stems from lower self esteem, long term brain washing, poor income or high income enough to dominate on that condition
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 June 2010):
maverick494 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. But big ron, the situation your describing isn't thát typical, is it? I mean, if that were true, the tortured lone wolf types ratio would be 1:3. And I guess I'll never understand why people are so naive and thickheaded to realize a person will not change.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I take abusive as meaning you have been treated in a way to lower your self esteem, so that you regard yourself as worthless. So that you are beyond your partner. Verbally abusive to me is not when you have an argument, but when you are being lashed out upon by your partner, name calling and being put down. Physically abusive to me is when a partner pushes, hits, slaps or pulls or in any way physically hurt the other by intent. For this to be characterized as "abusive" it must have been going on for a longer period of time, I suppose anything between one month and up. It happening one time does not cause for calling it "abusive".
However, these are just MY interpretations. How I judge it. I think many are overusing the word abuse. And then many who are being abused fail to see so themselves. Because if you deal with an abuser all your friends and family will tell you to get out, but you yourself are so convinced you are at fault that you stay.
An abusive relationship to me means brain washing at a high level.
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