A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right so apparently this is a "common" thing. Being in love with a married man. I %100 believe he loves me too. To further complicate the situation he is my boss. I've worked day and night with this man 6days a week for 4years. Also his wife. They own it. We all hang out in our free time. He has always been there for me. We're best friends. His wife obviously hates me (though she has never confronted me). Me and him have always had a strong connection. In the last 6monthes we have been intimate. Needless to say its driving me crazy with guilt etc not to mention the fact that we all work together everyday. Selfish I know, but we have both never been happier.I'm leaving the country soon. He is staying to sell his business and finish with his wife. I'm not stupid and I understand that he loves her. But he loves me more. We complete each other. Alot of people are going to be hurt by this. I need opinions please. Is this crazy? Of course there is always a little voice in my head telling me its mental. But I love him. Completely. Does it sound like he is serious? Can we make it?
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female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I agree with hpoco though my prediction is somewhat harsher. Once you have left the country, he won't call and you'll call him time and again until you finally get the hint that it is SO OVER from his point of view. He's just saying he'll sell the business, leave his wife etc, to keep you sweet, but once you're out of the way, he'll be relieved and settle back into the comfort of his marriage and the wife he truly does love. You were a bit on the side, so sad but so true. MM never leave their wives and sadly, he'll hardly give you a thought once you're out of his life, whilst you'll spend months agonizing, obsessing and trying to convince yourself that it was the real thing. Just so you know.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 August 2010):
You say you're not stupid, but you are.
You are "the other woman" and don't we all know what happens to women in that spot. They get used and dumped. You think that some sense of connection and sex will convince him to leave everything he has for you. You're wrong, financial ties, laws, and other things that complicate marriage are often the ties that bind.
But go on, believe him if you want. You'll be in for a long wait, until you finally realize that he wasn't straight with you after all.
Sorry girlie. Time to open your eyes, look in the mirror and move on. Try to become a better person too, because people in general have no respect for girls like you. I sure don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): usually girls crave for love and if someone shows it they will fall in very easily same with you but that is not a love, he will cheat you definatly, if today he is trying with you afterwards, when you became old he will find another girl and so on then what, stop thinking about him and find some single good partener, that would be good for you as well as that wife whom you are trying to cheat.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 he's not coming to join you. once you leave he'll just find some other sweet little girl to lie to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): "Right so apparently this is a "common" thing" .i don't know who you have been speaking to or what you have been reading but i think it is an insult for you to classify having sex with ones boss as a common occurance.
"I'm not stupid and I understand that he loves her. But he loves me more. ' very immature statement. i think you are acctually jealous of his wife.
"Alot of people are going to be hurt by this" next you will say but i am a good person.
Hun, your whole world is going to come crashing down. you are playing with peoples lives and you will definately get burnt. he ownes the business with his wife. you are seeing a sugar daddy here taking care of your financial needs. what do you have to invest in this relationship. only sex? you really think you have upgraded taking this womans husband byt only time will teach you what life is all about. having sex with the boss and getting megre earning is just an insult. look at it like this: you are "cheap" all around. your wiges is cheap and now he does get to pay for the sex becuase you are providing it free to him. wow, what a life for this boss! he scores all round.
so he is going to desert his family and run away with you to another country. how long do you wait, until the business is sold. until the divorce. until he explains to his wife and kids that he has SETTLED for the daily help? what woman will destroy innocent peoples lives. sleeping with you is one thing, having sex when his wife turns her back is well 'common" as you say, but wanting him to desert his family responsiblity for you is something else.
little girl, your boss is using you and you are letting him. so yes move country and try to grow up, stay away from married men and learn to respect boundaries. you may think i am harsh but you say you are also realitic, so hear what i am saying. karma is a bitch, believe it and then you will understand what i am saying. you want to hurt his wife and family life, you are jealous that the wife gets to enjoy his money and you are jealous that in spite of him having sex with you, he still loves his wife. in the end you will be one very unhappy employee with no fringe benefits anymore.
if you seek to destory innocent people, don't be too surprised when you are destroyed in the process.
BTW, my brother too was having sex with his worker. his wife also worked with them. my brother scored all around. he paid cheap wages, got a F@ck when he wanted to and was very happily married. his worker got fired when the wife discovered the affiar.and he is still happily married. take a lesson form the "common" occurances. the worker allows herself to get screwed everytime.
Ano male, you said it best:"Your getting used. And I know this from being the boss."
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I wouldn't bet on it. Distance...and karma...can be quite cruel.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Karma, honey.. it's a bitch.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 "I'm leaving the country soon. He is staying to sell his business and finish with his wife."
Once you move, don't be surprised if he gives your reason after reason why he can't join you ("She won't let me go" or "I can't find a buyer"). Even though you believe he loves you more, they have history AND property together; these are ties that are not easily broken, especially over a six month affair.
Any man who can look his wife in the eyes knowing full well he is sleeping with a mutual friend is a low-life, as is any woman who can look another woman in the face knowing she's sleeping with her husband. If you can live with the deception you're helping to create and don't have any sense of integrity, you're in for a hard, lonely life.
You're young and moving in a new direction with your life. Use this opportunity to think about the person you are, the kind of life you want to live, how you treat people and how you want to be treated. Meanwhile, you enjoy your youth and freedom and surrender any expectations of a relationship with this man. He ain't worth it, and the heartache he's about to cause you ain't worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): "a lot of people will be hurt by this"?
It's a little late to act concerned with how your actions will be hurting other people, don't ya think?
I hope there are no kids in this marriage. If so, shame on you for being so selfish.
I think it's time for you to put your big girl panties on and go find a man ofnyour own. Stop meddling with and Fu$?!?! Up the lives of others
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Even if he does love you he obviousy loves his wife MORE or he would leave her.
Your getting used. And I know this from being the boss.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Married men rarely leave their wives for their "other woman." He's with her still for a reason, or else he would've broken it off with her long ago for you. And of course he's never been happier: his wife takes care of him at home, and you take care of him the rest of the time. And of course his wife hates you; she probably knows there's something "sinister" about you in regards to her marriage.
What happens most frequently is the married one says he'll leave his wife, but then doesn't... and promises again... but then doesn't.
If you're moving away, it's for the best that you just cut ties with him then. You're hurting his wife, and in the end, you'll end up hurt, too.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Most likely, you will leave the country, the two of you may exchange a few phone calls and letters, and not too long after you will find someone else and he will either finally start treating his wife better or find another lover.
That is my "prediction".... settle into the idea that once you leave, he will just be more comfortable and happy at home, with his wife, where he belongs.
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