A
male
age
36-40,
*rianDean
writes:Hello folks, please hear my situation out.I really deeply have feelings for a coworker but we are not together. She is a few years younger. I have never told her that I like her but I've tried to do thoughtful things for her to show how much I care. I do not want to totally spill my guts as we work in a very small company and things would become uncomfortable for both of us if she did not feel the same way for whatever reason. I feel like it makes total sense for us to be together. I feel like she had interest in me first. Obviously she never said "I like you," but when I first got to work with her...I felt like she had interest in me. It's hard to explain but the way she looked at me and talked to me...the curiosity she had about me and my traits. She invited me out to a party with her but I did not go (stupid mistake). I felt for the first time that someone genuinely cared for me and appreciated me for who I was. However, during this time I did NOT see her in a romantic fashion at first. But the more I got to know her, the more I realized how special she was. We got closer in the coming months and developed chemistry...we made each other laugh constantly, could talk and banter easily, worked great together, etc. I just felt a bond with her. It also felt like we both really cared about one another. It made no sense for me to keep our friendship just related to the office.To make along story short things have not progressed the way I hoped (yet). I did not want to force anything but I thought if we started hanging out now and then, something would happen naturally. However, I think the potential is still very strong...Reasons:1. Her initial interest (and maybe she still does have interest)...I think it helps that this is not totally 1 sided.2. We are both single. Furthermore, the majority of her girlfriends have boyfriends. Wouldn't this make her think of having one as well?? I do not think she is opposed to having a boyfriend.3. I care about her a lot. Now, I believe she cares about me as well but to what extent, I'm not sure. However, I think the thoughtful things I have done for her demonstrate that I do care for her and would ALWAYS be there for her. She knows that I am a nice, genuine, sweet guy. I do things for her that show that I LISTEN, CARE, and THINK ABOUT HER.4. Chemistry. We have chemistry. She can be moody and during this time there can be some silence but when she is herself we can talk and banter all day and have fun doing so. We can play jokes on each other and make each other laugh. We have things in common. We are both educated and intelligent. It seems like our personalities make for a good balance. We both share similar qualities in that we are easy-going, family-oriented, etc.5. Attraction. Although I was not attracted to her at first, I now think she is absolutely beautiful (I want to tell her this!). She has complimented me on my appearance and overall I am considered to be very attractive. Not trying to brag, but I get many compliments from women and she is aware of this.Don't we have the necessary ingredients to be a great couple? It just makes so much sense to me.From a female point of view, why would she NOT be interested? I care about her more than anything, there's chemistry, attraction, we're both single, I'm a very good person with endearing qualities...What do you gals/guys think?Could she be scared?Does she not believe that I want to be with her?I'm not perfect but I have a lot of qualities and I feel like I deserve to have someone care about me.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 August 2010):
Okay, I'll get straight to the point:
1. Let go of the "we should be together" stuff in your head. because no matter how logical you make it, in the end it's all about love and attraction and there's no logic in that. It just happens. Or it doesn't. If there is such a thing as fate, we sure don't control it.
2. Obviously I cannot speak for every girl, but to me you sound like you're coming on too strong. You're serving yourself on a platter with a post-it "PICK ME! PICK ME!" on it. I get you're excited and thinking about all those things you have in common, but she is probably very aware of the vibe you're giving off. For someone who likes to take it slow, this will make them back off.
3. Which brings me to the next thing: how long have you two known eachother? If it's just a matter of months, I don't see how you can genuinely care for eachother, unless you have really been seeing eachother a lot. And that doesn't seem the case, as things haven't picked up outside of the office so far. Try to be realistic, despite the pink cloud you're on.
4.If I were you, I would slow the heck down. Don't do so much for her: let her put in some effort for a change. Like guys, some girls also like a challenge. If she likes you back like you think/hope she does, she will take the initiative for once.
5.Also, try not to be too obvious about fancying her. Give her some room to breathe. One look is all you need to remind her that you like her. Use it sparingly and wisely.
You said that you deserve to be loved. Ofcourse, everyone does. That doesn't mean everyone gets what they deserve.
Also whether other women find you attractive, doesn't matter. This is about her. You want HER to find you attractive, and be sure, there are many different tastes out there.
So try to be realistic. Try answering these questions for an instance:
- you two haven't developed a friendship outside the office, despite your efforts in letting her know that you are there for her. Why is that, you think?
- if you're single does that automatically mean you want a new relationship? Has she come out of a relationship recently?
- How well do you know her? What are her ambitions? Does she have siblings? What are her hobbies and interests? etc. Do you REALLY know her, like you know your friends?
Anyway, just some stuff for you to chew on. Sorry if I came across as harsh, but you asked for advice and here it is.
Hope I helped!
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