| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 19 April 2011: Thanks for the follow up once again OP. You know, this is going to sound cliche, but I think this is for the best. Besides, if you're naive than she is as well: I doubt her relationship with her agent is healthy by any means. He got her all tangled ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 12 April 2011: Thank you for keeping us up-to-date OP. Sorry I didn't reply to your last follow up. To be honest I didn't really know what to add other that I feel sorry for the situation you're in.
Okay, so she's obviously happy with her new rack. But how abou... (read in full...)
I took a guy's virginity and stopped talking to him cold turkey. Now I feel guilty, what should I do?
Q. About three weeks after ending a five year relationship with my ex I started talking to a guy and things went off great. It was honestly really amazing, he was perfect. I ended up having sex with him, and he had told me before hand that he was a ...
A. 7 April 2011: If the guilt is eating you up, do it. Putting myself in this guy's shoes I think I would be accepting of an apology. Plus you did send him a letter so it's not like you up and vanished, leaving nothing but questions behind.
Just contact him, try... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 6 April 2011: You haven't done anything since the 15th of January, which could mean one of three things:
1. you got sensible
2. your sister in law said no.
3. you're scared to do anything yet want it despite everything
Either way, it all came to a good e... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I have completely opposing views on porn. Is this a possible deal breaker?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 24 and I've been with my boyfriend, who's 25, for about four months and all had been going great; he's kind, caring, generous and always puts me first. However, I noticed on his internet browser history a couple of week...
A. 6 April 2011: If you read the reply from the anon porn actress you'll see not every woman working in the porn industry is a fragile innocent young thing. Ofcourse there are plenty of naive girls who have been manipulated and taken advantage of, but they are ... (read in full...)
Stretch marks on my breasts...how do I get rid of them??
Q. Hi, So recently I gained a bit of weight and my bra went up a cup size. So now I have small stretch marks at the top of them. Does anyone know of something that works for sure to get rid of them???...
A. 5 April 2011: I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which in my case pretty much means my skin and blood vessels aren't as strong as the average person. So I get black and blue when I bump into something that wouldn't leave a mark on you and I get stretch marks quicker ... (read in full...)
I have loved my Science teacher for years. I need to find a way to tell him (discretely).
Q. just to give you a brief overview of the situation i was in year 8, young and naive, when i started to like my science teacher. he is rather attractive, i could go on for ages, but generally charming and funny. so naturally, i started to like ...
A. 4 April 2011: Please read this first before you do anything: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html
Read it and don't immediately dismiss it. If you are as mature as you sound you can do that. A lot of good info and contributions are in t... (read in full...)
My friends put me down because I don't drive and I want it to stop.
Q. I recently got together with a group of friends whom i haven't seen in months. We all were out and having a good time when one of my friends suggested we go somewhere that was kind of a far driving distance. My BEST friend goes oh no we cant go ...
A. 3 April 2011: Just tell them: "If I had it my way I wouldn't have problems with my vision and I'd be happily driving us all around. But as it stands that isn't possible. I'm not complaining but you guys are not making it any easier for me."
That should s... (read in full...)
Why do these people have a problem with how little I drink?
Q. I'd like some opinions on this. Do you think there is anything wrong with not wanting to drink a lot of alcohol? There are a few people i know who have made comments on me either not drinking a lot of alcohol when i have been out, or not drinking ...
A. 3 April 2011: Thank god for people like you. I'm 22 and I rarely drink alcohol. I also get weird comments and glances and in the past my insecurity made me lie to fit in (grew up in Europe, where the legal drinking age is 16). Right now I don't give a damn ... (read in full...)
Seeing LDR BF soon. I'm stressing that he won't like my body. How can I stop?
Q. I'm in a long-distance relationship with a guy I haven't seen in person in 2 years. He tells me that he loved my body when he saw me last (we were not together at that point, I learned this after the fact) and I am the same size now that I was then ...
A. 3 April 2011: Your guy likes looking at hot girls the way I like looking at hot guys. Doesn't mean that I need my bf to look like a walking Armani ad. We all appreciate beauty but that doesn't mean we all get swept up in it.
Sure, the adage "absence makes th... (read in full...)
He threw me over when I told his wife about us. Should I contact him and tell him how I feel?
Q. I had been seeing a man for 7 months - he is married. Whenever we were together it was amazing, just being around each other made me feel good and he described his feelings as being the same. Always told me "i love you"- in fact, he was the one who ...
A. 3 April 2011: I don't usually reply twice to one question without a follow up, but:
I have been thinking about this again and came to the conclusion that the whole vengeful plot I wrote up is actually a really immature thing to do. The problem with me is that ... (read in full...)
He threw me over when I told his wife about us. Should I contact him and tell him how I feel?
Q. I had been seeing a man for 7 months - he is married. Whenever we were together it was amazing, just being around each other made me feel good and he described his feelings as being the same. Always told me "i love you"- in fact, he was the one who ...
A. 3 April 2011: Being someone's mistress is one of the most thankless positions to be in. Wat happened to you is what happens most of the time. The married guy does all kinds of promises and romantic things in exchange for a booty call. He's got the best of both ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 2 April 2011: Thanks again for the follow up OP. You sound like a really nice and caring person and I wish I had a more positive reply for you.
The fact she decided to agree signing exclusively to her agent AFTER learning what he's about doesn't bode too well... (read in full...)
What is the problem? why does my boyfriend object? I put a pleasant picture of us together, on facebook.
Q. okay so i put a picture of my boyfriend and i together on facebook nothing bad or unapropriate just a casual picture. then he got mad so i took it off he said the next time i put a picture of him on facebook, to ask him first. so i put the picture ...
A. 1 April 2011: Maybe he is wary of putting his face on the internet. I know I am. Lots of bad things happen to people who put many pictures of themselves online. Impersonation for sex sites for example. Or when someone wants to burn you, all they need to do is ... (read in full...)
He's got to change some things for our relationship to survive. How do I get through to him?.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and were friends for a long time before that. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and even though i love him and he is an amazing person there are a couple of things that are ...
A. 31 March 2011: There are two ways to address this issue
1. The take-action way:
Stop financing anything he wants that does not directly benefit you. Divide everything into 50/50. He wants new clothes, fine he can buy them himself. He wants to do/go somewhere? F... (read in full...)
He's changed. I feel like I should take him back, but my feelings have changed
Q. I am currently very confused and would like your advice.. My ex of five years which was a ROCKY relationship has come back into my life, he left wanted a break and to make a long story short he has come back being a new sweet self... Even tho...
A. 31 March 2011: You answered your own question:
Your love for your ex is gone and it will not return. No need to feel guilty, because you can't help how you feel. Besides, the whole "myself version 2.0" is probably an act to placate you. People don't suddenly... (read in full...)
Is it ok for 2 men to share a bed??
Q. Is it normal for 2 grown men (early 40's) to sleep in the same bed? What if they were watching a movie and due to the late hour had simply fallen asleep? Is it normal for grown men to lay on the same bed watching a movie together in the first pl...
A. 31 March 2011: Short answer: no, that's not weird.
Long answer:
I think the reason you ask proves that today's society is very strained when it comes to what's socially acceptable. We all like to think we're free thinkers but in ' conservative' co... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 31 March 2011: Thank you for the follow up OP. The following is long, but some food for thought. I'm not purposely trying to make your fiancee look bad, but just writing down what I thought when I read your posts.
From what you've written it doesn't seem lik... (read in full...)
I want to change her opinions about me and I want her to fall for me!
Q. i know this girl for 3 years...we were kinda friends and now i am totally in love with her. She is always nice to ppl, very sociable and good to talk to. She is beautiful and very smart. the problem is that i have been into her for like 6 month...
A. 31 March 2011: The real question is this:
- are you man enough to face the truth? The fact that she is just NOT into you and that this is never going to change? That she is such a 'great' and 'nice' person that she couldn't even tell you this in your face?
If ... (read in full...)
I'm really tempted, but he's married
Q. So theres this guy at work, and we have flirted a lot but i always saw it as a bit of fun as ... he is a maried man. but today he confessed he would cheat on his wife with me, but i dont know. im so attracted to him and its so tempting but ive ...
A. 31 March 2011: The other answerers have given you sound advice so far. My only addition are a couple of questions:
What do you want from him? Is it just the sex your after or have you started to develop feelings for him that go deeper than that?
If the ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 31 March 2011: First off, you say she paid for the first boobjob herself. Are you saying you're co-financing the second? If that's the case, the first thing you need to do is tell her you're not going to pay someone to mutilate her body.
Secondly, DD is more tha... (read in full...)
He is not ready to commit to me because he is 'not the man he needs to be' - what does this mean?
Q. I have been dating a man going on two years now ... and I recently suggested that we take our relationship more serious level and commit to one another .... he told me he's not ready because he is not the man he needs to be right now .... what ...
A. 31 March 2011: I'll need some more background info before I can give you a suitable answer, but I'll roll with what little you gave me for now.
When people say they're not ready because [insert reason] it usually means they're not all that into you but don't wa... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex's best friend!
Q. This is a confusing situation and I think I have to write out the whole scenario so I can get advice about what to do, but basically... I was with my ex for a long time, we were each others firsts and we had a happy healthy relationship. At thi...
A. 31 March 2011: Let's get some things straight here:
- the relationship between you and your ex ended 8 months ago
- you are not you're ex's girlfriend anymore, which means:
- you are not his property
- it is not up to him to decide what you do with your life a... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband that his friend is in love with me?
Q. Hello! I been married for 7 years!! We also have the same friends... Last weekend we went to a party with our friends, after the party we got home and went to sleep. About 1am I had a text msg from my husbands friend and it said "I need to talk to ...
A. 30 March 2011: I would try to handle things on my own before telling hubby. Meet up with the guy in a public place and ask him why he told you about his feelings. Maybe he was just in a dark place and blurted it out without thinking (which could very well ... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to my girlfriend's body. Should I leave her?
Q. Hi. I don't know what to do. Please read the whole question before cursing me and telling me what an idiot I am. You can do that after you've read the question. Well, I am not attracted to my girlfriend's body. We've been together for several mont...
A. 19 March 2011: Can I ask why you hit it off with her in the first place? Did you expect once you two hooked up for her to become trim and slim? Or is it simply that what you didn't notice in the 'honeymoon phase' of the relationship is showing up now? I can und... (read in full...)
Body isn't quite perfect after childbirth
Q. I am a 27yo F. I have a 6yo daughter. I use to have a flawless body pre-baby. Post-baby, is.... jus.... terrible. My skin on my stomach is saggy... no matter how much I work out it is here to stay. I look and see other women complain and all the ...
A. 17 March 2011: What an idiot. He probably believes the Victoria Secret models to still look like that when they 80. Maybe he believes pigs can fly too. Seriously, some people have no clue about reality. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, but atleast you ... (read in full...)
'veiny' looking marks make me shy about showing my body
Q. i have these wierd veiney lines along my hips...i dont know what a boy would think of them. i dont wont to have sex yet, but i'm pretty sure that they'll still be there when i do. im just so afraid of what he will think of me....
A. 17 March 2011: Those are probably stretch marks a.k.a. straie. I got them too when I was about your age and you know what? The majority of women get them, skinny and big alike. So if a guy is turned off by them, he's not worth your time. Not any girl's time, for ... (read in full...)
Girls are flirting with my very good looking boyfriend, what should I do?
Q. my boyfriend is quite good looking and we've been together for 6 months now but on and off before, and basically quite a few of the 'slaggy' girls in my year seem to flirt with him and say he looks good looking and everything in front of me and i ...
A. 14 March 2011: Look at it this way: all these girls are showering him with attention, but even though he may enjoy that, he picked YOU and YOU are the one he takes home. Do not let your jealousy take over. Be proud of yourself and maybe fling an arm around his ... (read in full...)
Should I help the woman next door?
Q. I'll keep this as short as possible. My neighbors are wonderful people. He is very ill and wheelchair bound from MS and another debilitating disease. Last night his wife came onto me, she wants me because as she put it, she feels safe with me. I ...
A. 14 March 2011: I agree with C.Grant's post and have something to add to it.
My mom has MS and we have nurses that take care of her so he can work. I remember them talking about the same issue, difference being that my dad under no circumstances wanted to be wi... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is mad because I did not share a secret with her. What do I do?
Q. What do i do when my girlfriend of 6 months doesn't trust me any more due to me just finding out a secret from my past? As soon as i found out the secret i told my present girlfriend and she is upset because i didn't tell her sooner but i am just ...
A. 8 March 2011: What is the secret? You might not feel like telling, but I can't really advise you unless I know it or atleast know how big/important it was. ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to go straight?
Q. Hi, I'm a 15 year-old homosexual. I was wondering, is there a way to be straight? Or could I be going through some strange phase? if I can't be straight, what's the best way to come out? Just say "I'm gay" out of the blue or start a conversa...
A. 7 March 2011: You're still in puberty, so don't be so hung up about it. It could be a phase, it could be permanent. Whatever you decide to do, realize that there is nothing wrong with being either way. The only wrong you could do is to deny your true nature ... (read in full...)
Husband has become upset with my past and searches the internet for past boyfriends
Q. Hi, My husband was a virgin when we met although I didn't know at the time as because he was 25 at the time was embarrased and told me he had slept with one other woman I had two kids and a few previous relationships. later in the relationship we ...
A. 7 March 2011: This is called retroactive jealousy and it happens often. Just browse the site, there are many guys who are dealing with what your hubby is dealing with, asking how to overcome it. Here's an example:
http:... (read in full...)
I'm always on a desperate search for the next relationship. Infact, I haven't been single for longer than 2 months in the last 8 years.
Q. Hi everyone, So I am needing some serious advice. I am beginning to think that I might have something seriously wrong with me and my ability to have a healthy relationship. I am currently 23 and I can honestly say I haven't been single for longer ...
A. 7 March 2011: I´m the complete opposite of you: I´m more often single than I am taken, because I actually like the freedom of being alone.
Lately I'm trying to be more open to hooking up again. I think both of us should be looking for middle ground.
To ... (read in full...)
What do women think of a 28 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend?
Q. Hey i was just wondering what girls think of a 28 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend (yes, a virgin aswell), do you consider it pathetic? I dunno im a sweet guy, i'd dare say attractive, im just a lil shy, i guess it's true what they say: ...
A. 6 March 2011: I have to agree with Nime on this one. Doing nothing means nothing will happen. There's a terrible freedom and price to that. I'm 23 and I'm also one of those people who seem to get the short end of the stick all the time. I do have circumstances ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes 5X what I do and is now calling me a gold digger for questioning the way he splits the bills
Q. I'll try to make this brief. In a nutshell I have been seeing this guy for over a year, and my son (toddler) and I moved into his house a couple of months ago. Its a big beautiful house, he has only asked I pay a quarter of the mortgage. I am ...
A. 5 March 2011: That's the problem with having a bf who is at a whole different category financially.
If you see a future with him, (and seeing that you want to have a child together, you do) you two should stop talking about you & me, and use "us" instead.... (read in full...)
I never get out and I want to!
Q. I feel so left out: I stay home pretty much every weekend, I'm 17 and don't go out on a Saturday night for example. I get on well with most people (both guys and girls) and they seem to like me, but I just don't seem to get invited out or have the ...
A. 5 March 2011: Hey, I totally get what you mean. I'm much the same. What I did was simply butting in when I overheard classmates of mine making plans. "That sounds like fun, can I tag along?" is pretty much all you need. Only an a-hole says no after that. ... (read in full...)
How to forget my affair and move on?
Q. Dear Cupid, Last summer I went abroad and spent almost 5 months there. I had a fiancé in my hometown at that time and I loved him, but I needed to get some work experience, and so I left. I didn't plan on doing anything but work, but I happened...
A. 5 March 2011: "I just know that only after I've found out about his true feelings I'll be able to forget and move on." This sounds rather contradictory to me. So what if he says he was madly in love in you and still has a soft spot for you? How would that help ... (read in full...)
I'm in a horrible sleeping pattern and don't want to take pills to help me sleep!
Q. hey im hoping someone can help me. im in a really bad sleeping routine and its effecting my day to day life and relationship. It started when we had two cats, they ended up getting fleas which we didnt know about, it infested the house. I kept get...
A. 28 February 2011: I had what I call chronic insomnia for a year and a half. I would literally not sleep for days at a time (I checked my watch regularly so I could be sure I wasn't fooling myself). I went to the doctor and got pills but they did not work. He didn't ... (read in full...)
After my girlfriend told me about her sexual past, I am disgusted! Should I have sex with her and leave her, or lose my virginity to another?
Q. Hi, I have been dating this girl that is crazy in love with me. However, she started talking about her past. She told me that she didn't want anything between us and that she needed to tell me everything, because she trusts me and so on and so forth...
A. 28 February 2011: Was she naive? Yes. Gullible? Yes. But a "ho"? No. She was manipulated, taken advantage of and she had the decency to open up about it to you because she obviously loves you. That takes some guts to do. She's ashamed of what happened and you're ... (read in full...)
After what my interfering father did, is the friendship salvageable?
Q. At the beginning of this year, I became really good friends with this guy in my class. We hung out and talked all the time for nearly seven months and flirted all the time. At my birthday party, we were dared to kiss and for a week after that, I was ...
A. 28 February 2011: Why would you want to salvage it if this guy can't even talk to you about what happened in a normal way? You're practically on your hands and knees begging for him to come back and you even apologized to him on paper. What does he do? He calls you ... (read in full...)
I need some good comebacks for this sleazebag!
Q. Hi! A bit of help needed. I live in a shared house with four guys and two girls. Most of the time it is really great only something happened today and I want your opinions. It concerns one of the guys. When I first moved in he was overly friendly ...
A. 26 February 2011: What age is he? He sounds like a teen. But if he isn't--if he's older, then this may work: "I'm really trying to respect my elders here but don't push your luck."
Another idea is to throw it in his face. Whenever he touches you inapprop... (read in full...)
To dye? not to dye?
Q. Right.. this is a question about dying hair.. any opinion is worth it :).. I wanted to ask this question; My natural hair colour is brunette. For about.. 2 years, i've had half of my hair dyed blonde (at a salon), while the other half stays brunette...
A. 26 February 2011: Sure you can. I did it for years. You have to watch the colour, though. From the sound of it, the part of your hair that was stripped is now an ashy blonde. So when dying over it to match roots, get an ashy blonde dye. The biggest mistake brunettes ... (read in full...)
Her mother has waged a war against me!!!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a good 8 months now. Everything is good except her mom. I am 18 years old, shipping off to the Air Force this summer. My girlfriend is 17. A little background information: My girlfriend is Hispanic and her...
A. 21 February 2011: You´re very welcome, glad I could help!... (read in full...)
Her mother has waged a war against me!!!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a good 8 months now. Everything is good except her mom. I am 18 years old, shipping off to the Air Force this summer. My girlfriend is 17. A little background information: My girlfriend is Hispanic and her...
A. 7 February 2011: Be dimplomatic about it. I've found that the best way to deal with poisonous family members is to be the anti venom.
Always be courteous to the mother, even when she's being nasty. Never once raise your voice, always remain calm, controll... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 16 January 2011: Look OP, you simply can't always get what you want. That's life, kid. Deal with it or she and the family will be right to think ill of you. ... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 15 January 2011: You know what you should do. You're just hoping that one of us gives the snake in your pants the green light so you can justify it to yourself later. Yeah, well it ain't gonna happen. ... (read in full...)
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