| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
Q. I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
A. 5 September 2010: Sorry I'm late, I just noticed the new replies by now.
@anonymous 1 (12 July): I don't see how being beaten by a man would gain me more insight in the matter. For the record, I have been, but the difference is that I fought back. (Though this was... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 6 August 2010: You said: "i feel more happy when i see him upset. Why do i still need to have such a response from his side?"
Because you still like him and want his attention, be it through a nice or nasty way.
Seriously, I would stop playing around a... (read in full...)
Condoms! We don't use them, why do you have them?
Q. Serious problem! I've been in a relationship with my guyfriend for the last three years, and during this time we have never used condoms during intimacy. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered condoms in his nightstand, and he hurriedly rushed over ...
A. 18 July 2010: I think your gut is telling you the right thing. These things don't add up and he knows it. He is also making it worse by changing his story. Asking you if you don't have them from previous relationships of 'just incase' is also a classic redirect. ... (read in full...)
We've been friends for years but I don't like him "in that way..."
Q. I have known a guy ever since I was 14. I had my first kiss with him on a party and years later we met again in school. Anyway we kept in touch from then on, but as friends rather then anything else. I met his girlfriends and we sometimes would ...
A. 18 July 2010: Thanks for your answer. After a lot of thinking I decided I´ll give it a chance, take it slow and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
Is he really looking for a job?
Q. I met this guy about 2 months ago from the day we met we hit it off . The only thing stoping me to let my guard down and move it to the next level is he doesn't have a JOB ! I have ask him why he don't have a job he told me he has been looking and ...
A. 15 July 2010: You seem like a smart girl. Keep that attitude and you'll be fine. Like CaringGuy said, in these times lots of people struggle to find jobs and your bf may be one of them.
So what I would do is this: tell him you believe him on his word but that... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to like anything I give him, should I talk to him about it?
Q. Every present I give to my boyfriend ends up unused in a drawer, and it's really starting to bother me. I wondered if I was just getting presents he didn't really like, so this year for his birthday I got him something I knew he wanted because h...
A. 13 July 2010: I would stop giving him presents. Just stop. Don't pay for anything either.
If you want to confront him with it, be prepared because it'll probably like opening a can of worms. Most likely he'll just jump to his own defence and get crabby, ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 13 July 2010: Okay, I have some experience with this. A year ago, I fell in love with a guy. We took it slow, hung out and it was going great until he slipped up his single act and was wearing a ring during our night out. I told him to spill the beans and it ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him? I feel like he's going nowhere fast.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, he is 30 and still lives at home with his mum he doesn't pay rent, clean up after himself and to be quite honest I'm sick and tired of it. I love him, but I feel like love is not enough anymore. All my ...
A. 13 July 2010: This doesn´t sound like a description of someone I´d like to spend the rest of my with. From the sound of it, it´s not what you want either. You answered your own question.
He´s 30, but in reality it seems like he is frozen in time, as an irres... (read in full...)
I want to work in porn but am worried about my boyfriend, its not fair!
Q. I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. ...
A. 13 July 2010: OP, sorry but I find it hard to believe that you are naive enough to actually mean what you wrote. You don't live in a cave and you interact with people on a daily basis. That alone should have taught you something about life. If it's true, it's ... (read in full...)
My b/f has gone from being a fun,loving and talkative man to a coldhearted, unpassionate and noncommunicative man what do I do?
Q. I met my boyfriend at Home depot. We both worked there. He is 41 I am 24. There is an age gap but we hit it off I fell for him and he said he loved me. After a couple of months he started treating me badly...I broke up with him and dated other ...
A. 13 July 2010: "he has prostate cancer"
This pretty much stopped me in my tracks from whatever I was going to write.
Fighting a life threatening condition can change about anyone. Right now he knows he's going to be a dad, but he doesn't even know if he'... (read in full...)
We've been friends for years but I don't like him "in that way..."
Q. I have known a guy ever since I was 14. I had my first kiss with him on a party and years later we met again in school. Anyway we kept in touch from then on, but as friends rather then anything else. I met his girlfriends and we sometimes would ...
A. 13 July 2010: @11muds11: thanks for your answer, but you made me even more confused. I get what you're saying: it's pretty much what my mom said.
And I do believe there should be friendship at the base of every relationship. Thing is, I have known him for 8 ye... (read in full...)
I'm in an amazing online relationship, only she doesn't know this one thing about me!
Q. Hi. I'm a 23 year old guy in a situation causing me lots of stress. I really hope you can help me. I'm in an online relationship with an amazing girlfriend. We love each other so much. We've had our ups and downs but we're still together, and ou...
A. 12 July 2010: It depends on yourself and how much you care about your condition. You could get surgery to have them aligned correctly again. There are about 1.2 million of these surgeries every year, so if it really bothers you, look into it.
Compared to other... (read in full...)
Sex isn't that great and I'm looking at pretty girls but I have a girlfriend
Q. Hi im 38 years old and my girlfriend is 25 years old we have been together more than four years the age different is not a problem for us i love her and she loves me she is my best friend i can see us have kids together and get old together sex is ...
A. 12 July 2010: Sounds to me you´re not really ready to commit. Or maybe you have unrealistic expectations. The thing is people go into relationships with their pink glasses on, in a ruse caused by the chemicals in their bodies/brains. And then they expect it t... (read in full...)
Dying to find my birth dad... but where do I start???
Q. Hello all, i posted a question just yesterday and please understand that i dont mean to be a pain, only i am so desperate to find my birth father and i have only received one answer.. as im so impatient i wanted to post it again just in case no one ...
A. 7 July 2010: As you want free options, that limits what you can do.
Here, you could try www.192.com or www.thephonebook.bt.com to see if he has a listed phone number. I found my own home e-mail address on www.123people.com
You could advertise on "Fr... (read in full...)
He doesn't have the trappings of a guy in 2010....so?
Q. My kids think there's something wrong with him but I think he's wonderful. He doesn't have a cell phone, TV, internet or friends. Heck even my parents have all that and they're nearly 80. His relationship with his parents is via phone although ...
A. 7 July 2010: Personally I don´t have a problem with guys who don´t care about TV or cellphones. I honestly find it resfreshing. However, the fact he has no friends at his age strikes me as odd. Why doesn´t he have friends? Technology can't be blamed for that.
... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend wants to break up with me because she can't get over the fact I've slept with other people?
Q. How can I prevent it ending over something I have no control over!? She resents that I had a past life, where admittedly I slept around with many women I could just for kicks and for self esteem. I changed. Meeting her and starting to go o...
A. 7 July 2010: Time to leave this pessimistic little girl. She probably thinks you're too good to be true and right now she's pushing and poking at you in hopes of finding out she's right. Being right is more important to her than your love. So stop trying to ... (read in full...)
Should I meet this guy off the Internet? He is much older but I don't see that as an issue.
Q. I'd just like to know guys opinions on this, I'm 18 and have had a thing on the Internet with a guy for about 2 years, he's much older (42) and I really want to meet him!! But I'd just like peoples opinions because I'm not sure whether to suggest it ...
A. 5 July 2010: An online fling with a 42 year old man...something´s fishy.
You have to ask yourself: what would a 42 year old man want from an 18 year old girl? You're young, which means you probably look better than most women his age. You're young which mean... (read in full...)
My husband has a problem with hygiene!
Q. Hey all, quick question. My husband has a problem with hygiene, such as I have to "tell" him to brush his teeth, or to take a shower...I find it disgusting, and a HUGE turn-off. I don't want to be rude about it, but I want the problem to be fixed. ...
A. 5 July 2010: Can I ask how this started?
I mean, he's your husband so I presume you both have been living together for some time before you got married. Were his habits when it comes to hygiene bad then as well? If it's something that's been happenin... (read in full...)
Why did my work colleagues behave this way?
Q. Hi Cupids, mine isn't a love question but I'm annoyed at what's happened. At the weekend work organised a night out to somewhere me and my boyfriend had never been to so a girl who works with me and her BF said we could follow them - whic...
A. 5 July 2010: Your colleages know damn well their behaviour was unacceptable and to save themselves they ask that innocent question, in hopes of making you question yourself. I bet you were thinking something like: 'did I imagine it? Maybe they were just..[insert ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I like him? Or is it wrong?
Q. Okay, this is the story. My best friends neighbor is geting really close to us. He is so nice and extremly hot. Lately, we've been hitting on each other, and kissed a little. I was pure presured by my friend to do it though! I'm starting to like ...
A. 5 July 2010: Sure, you can't help who you fall for. It just happens. But if you were pressured into kissing him by your friends, do you really like him then? If it's just that he's "hot" and older that excites you, then I suggest you stop leading him on. Does he ... (read in full...)
Why am I the odd one out when it comes to bra size?
Q. im 14 and i havnt evan grown in to an A ???!!?!?! Why?!?!!? Everyone in my year has but me ? People younger than me have bigger than me. ...
A. 4 July 2010: Don't worry! I was 16 when mine started growing. When I was 18 I had a B. Now I'm 22 and I have a C/D. I weigh the same throughout the years, so it's not because of weight gain.
Everyone is different. So don't try to measure up to others.... (read in full...)
Possible heroin addicted boyfriend
Q. my boyfriend used to be addicted to heroin before I met/started dating him. I believed that he had quit since he went through rehab and such, but he has rather large abscesses on his arm that he's going to get lanced. there are no cuts or...
A. 4 July 2010: Okay, I just did some reading to see if his story pans out. BUT I'm no medical expert.
It seems that the abscesses occur because of heroin use (not using a clean needle, etc.) Heating alone will not usually not make the abscess go away. It will ... (read in full...)
Possible heroin addicted boyfriend
Q. my boyfriend used to be addicted to heroin before I met/started dating him. I believed that he had quit since he went through rehab and such, but he has rather large abscesses on his arm that he's going to get lanced. there are no cuts or...
A. 4 July 2010: You can always ask a medical expert to see if his explanation is true or if he's bullshitting you like I think he is. Even if it is true, it doesn't mean he isn't lying about using.
He's trouble. I had a friend once that was an addict. The prob... (read in full...)
Help! I don't want to be a pscyho gf!
Q. Hello, I have been daatingmy boyfriend how's in the military for almost two years. About a year ago I found some stuff that I thought to be unfaithful. (in my book) 1. He was texting another female friend (that he had already revealed to me th...
A. 4 July 2010: Hard one. Relationships are built on trust, so if he's betrayed you and you don't trust him fully, things start to unravel. I am not to judge whether what you're doing is right or wrong. But you wouldn't feel the need to snoop if he'd been a good ... (read in full...)
How did he let go so easily?
Q. *OP's Original Title* How did this happen? My boyfriend and I had been together 9 months. We'd known each other and been really in love for almost 2 years. I gave him absolutely all of me. We really were great together and always had fun and ...
A. 4 July 2010: Some people are like propane tanks. Instead of dealing with problems, they neglect them and pressure starts building up. On the surface nothing seems wrong. They have shoved away their problems and will continue to do so. Then, at one point it just ... (read in full...)
Abortions, what do you think?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Hey aunt and uncles. I just wanted to know your opinions on abortion. About a year ago i went with my brother and his ex girlfriend for them to have an abortion. I know it wasn't me having an abortion but it really a...
A. 4 July 2010: Well, first I want to stress that it doesn't matter what we think. It's personal. My opinion is my opinion and that means that if you have a different moral compass than i do, your take on it can be totally different. No side is the "right one".
... (read in full...)
He doesn't try to resolve things, with me
Q. i am masculine when it comes to problems and issues. i want to talk it out until it gets resolved. my boyfriend, on the other hand, either walks away from the situation or becomes extremely defensive even though he knows he's wrong. i just hate ho...
A. 3 July 2010: Guys (well, the accepted stereotype) don't like to talk about problems. Which means they will either ignore it until it goes away or deal with it directly when they get shoved into it face first and there is no other way out. So you're considered ... (read in full...)
I've put my heart and soul into this relationship and don't think we have a future.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I'm really fed up with the way things are. Everything was great at the beginning and I was really happy. However, lately I've begun to feel miserable and I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend has ...
A. 3 July 2010: To answer your question you need to be a bit more specific. What exactly do his kids do that unsettles you? Can you give examples? (and your reactions to them) Also, realize that teenagers are going to accept you in their own time. This can t... (read in full...)
Question to all those who workout regularly
Q. Hello everyone, I am a 23 year old guy and weigh 62Kg (136lb). I have been going to the gym for the past 2 months. I follow the following routine: (1) Cardio on elliptical for 30 mins every alternate day. In this, I take the interval traini...
A. 28 June 2010: Like others said, you're completely undermining yourself by skipping the protein. Proteins are the building blocks of muscles. You need it to get a toned look.
So I would change up your routine to this
- 3 healthy meals a day. Lots of protein a... (read in full...)
First baby on the way, and I'm feeling self-conscious and my friends have deserted me!
Q. im 18 years old and have my first baby on the way (5 months pregnant)im happy about it as i have a loving boyfriend, family to support me. before i fell pregnant i was a size 10-12, i started to like the way i looked. now i have put a bit of weight ...
A. 28 June 2010: It sounds to me that your friends aren´t really friends at all. Their behaviour is very childish and doesn´t deserve your attention. I think they simply do not understand your situation and that´s probably why they put you down. You´re pretty young ... (read in full...)
He becomes unsupportive and mean in stressful situations!
Q. This is a long post, I'm so sorry, please help me though. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We love eachother very much, we spend as much time together as we can and its usually always great quality time. I can not ...
A. 28 June 2010: Well you know him best, so if you think this is fixable, by all means try. Sometimes things do work out. But I just don't want you to be one of those women that hang around holding on to a chance that was never even there. Not to say you are one of ... (read in full...)
He becomes unsupportive and mean in stressful situations!
Q. This is a long post, I'm so sorry, please help me though. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We love eachother very much, we spend as much time together as we can and its usually always great quality time. I can not ...
A. 28 June 2010: Sorry to say it, but he sounds like a self absorbed person in situations "when it counts". That's not good at all and shouldn't be downplayed. What if your relationship hits a rough patch? Will he blame it all on you? He sounds like he would.
... (read in full...)
How do I Improve my Inadequate Sexual Experience at 27??
Q. Im a 27 year old man who´s never been in a relationship and my sexual experience is modest to say the least. This situation it´s beginning to take it´s toll and i find myself sexually frustrated and a little ashamed. I no longer know what to expec...
A. 28 June 2010: Hey, you're not alone. I guess in the world of today, you're pretty much expected to be a hormonal cruise missile ever since puberty starts. While a lot of men are like that, I'm happy that isn't true for all.
What you should do is just get past... (read in full...)
Am I the only guy who prefers petite women?
Q. I'm just wondering why it is that most men prefere big breasts as oppossed to small breasts, the women in porn and magazines reflects that men are more sexually aroused by big breasts and i'm just curious why that is? I'm more sexually attracted to ...
A. 28 June 2010: Too bad you're taken. You're my kind of guy ;)
I don't think it's weird at all. Different people, different preferences. Sure, a lot of guys like big boobs like a lot of gals like carved out six packs. That doesn't mean that's the 'right' preferen... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I like being fat?
Q. I used to be very skinny. When I was a teenager and went on holiday I would eat and drink loads and not gain weight. Sometimes I would lose weight. Over the past couple of years this has stopped. A couple of years ago I took a year off from wo...
A. 28 June 2010: I wish I was like you! God, it must be liberating to be at ease in the skin you´re in. I´m constantly fighting a battle with myself, always finding something to put me down. I bet you probably radiate confidence and that baffled your friends and ... (read in full...)
My wife was a teenage slut - accepting her promiscuous past
Q. I just wanted to post this due to all the posts re girls with promiscuous pasts. Here is my story. I fell head over heels for my now wife when she was 22 and I 23. Our relationship progressed and soon we both realized we were utterly in love ...
A. 27 June 2010: Anonymous, though you certainly have a point, do you think any of the people listed in your examples would come forward with their secrets like the wife did? I think this is where the difference lies. I mean, admitting what she did takes some n... (read in full...)
Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
Q. I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
A. 27 June 2010: Thanks for the answers. But big ron, the situation your describing isn't thát typical, is it? I mean, if that were true, the tortured lone wolf types ratio would be 1:3. And I guess I'll never understand why people are so naive and thickheaded ... (read in full...)
My friend says there must be something wrong with him!
Q. I started dating a guy who is almost forty years old. He's never been married and in his entire life he has had only two long term relationships, each of which lasted about two years. I wouldn't have thought anything of this, but a friend of mine...
A. 27 June 2010: Well, I wouldn't turn this into a thriller mystery. But yes, the fact he's only been in two "too short" (define that for me please) relationships at his age seems a bit strange. That said, I don't know his history. Some guys just have busy lives,... (read in full...)
Why do these things make me feel "dirty"?
Q. I trust my husband and love him dearly, but for some reason some things make me feel...dirty. I know from years of friendship that his type is tiny, blonde, white girls. I'm not tiny, not white, and not blonde. I know I'm attractive and I love ...
A. 26 June 2010: You need to get some self esteem! You say you love yourself for who you are, but do you really? Why else would you be so bothered about his thoughts when they might not even go into the direction you speak of? You seriously need to cut yourself some ... (read in full...)
Why is she angry with me for trying to protect her?
Q. Heres the story.. My girlfriend and I were at a bar/dance spot in town with friends yesterday. By the end of the night things got out of control because a few guys started fighting the bouncers. Naturally everyone started rushing to watch the figh...
A. 26 June 2010: Hmm, I guess in order to understand why she acted the way she did, I'd have to know her.
That said, though not all girls need to be protected, it seems like the ones that do are also the ones putting themselves into harms way. I've been practisi... (read in full...)
I lied about previous job but my new boss is my old boss's wife. How do I handle this?
Q. I am not sure what to do. i got a job yesterday and i lied to the woman who hired me that i have not been employed anywhere else. i was afraid she would not hire me to see i quit my last job. the problem is i found out the lady who hired me is ...
A. 24 June 2010: Ignorance is bliss in my opinion. I know, lying is bad, but hell, this is a job, it's not like you're going to invite her and her husband out to your BBQ party. Lie, do your job well. Should it EVER come up, ask her if she's otherwise satisf... (read in full...)
Pictures of my girlfriend's chest are on another man's phone!
Q. What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts? I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about h...
A. 24 June 2010: Yes, this is a serious issue!
Seriously, why in the world would she allow someone to do that unless she was shagging him? Sorry to break it to you, but to me this sounds like she's cheating on you and she's being sloppy about it.
Confron... (read in full...)
My best friend doesn't ever want to talk to me again! Help!
Q. over the last three years i have had the same bestfriend. he was there for me through everything, even helped me out of depression, helped me through all my family problems. I have never been that close to anyone in my entire life, he was my only ...
A. 24 June 2010: Thanks for following up. I agree with groovymoving. My first thought when I read your post was that someone else is behind it. It's just out of character for anyone to do this. I wouldn't give up on him just yet.
Go over to his house, even if ... (read in full...)
My best friend doesn't ever want to talk to me again! Help!
Q. over the last three years i have had the same bestfriend. he was there for me through everything, even helped me out of depression, helped me through all my family problems. I have never been that close to anyone in my entire life, he was my only ...
A. 23 June 2010: Your post doesn't give us much insight as of why he would want to cut contact like that in such an impersonal manner. I would almost guess his jealous girlfriend got naughty and sent you this text, because it's very uncommon to end friendships like ... (read in full...)
My wife was a teenage slut - accepting her promiscuous past
Q. I just wanted to post this due to all the posts re girls with promiscuous pasts. Here is my story. I fell head over heels for my now wife when she was 22 and I 23. Our relationship progressed and soon we both realized we were utterly in love ...
A. 22 June 2010: @veronika: I don't see anything wrong with the word, because let's be honest: from the description, that's what she was. A slut. No need to be pretty about it. Besides, the term slut (to me) doesn't apply to women only. Many male sluts out there. In ... (read in full...)
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