| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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I'm worried my OCD is coming back.
Q. When i was a child i used to have pretty bad OCD. Certain things had to be done a number of times e.g. switching a light switch on and off. I know i probably sound like a complete nut but if you don't have it you really can't understand what's it's ...
A. 7 November 2010: I replied to a thread with a similar situation (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-stop-overthinking-things.html). There might be advice there that can also be helpful.
And I have some questions for you:
- Have you had any recent big c... (read in full...)
I'm worried my OCD is coming back.
Q. When i was a child i used to have pretty bad OCD. Certain things had to be done a number of times e.g. switching a light switch on and off. I know i probably sound like a complete nut but if you don't have it you really can't understand what's it's ...
A. 7 November 2010: I replied to a thread with a similar situation (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-stop-overthinking-things.html). There might be advice there that can also be helpful.
And I have some questions for you:
- Have you had any recent big c... (read in full...)
I judge my friend and her lack of morals. Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I know a girl who I became friends with. She works as a model and is staying here on a visa. I am in graphics and I made her a Web site for free as a favor. In the course of this Web site, I found out she has a past--and a present, too. Ab...
A. 4 November 2010: Hmm I gave it some more thought and I have to say the question whether she is really trustworthy or not is a valid one. In her profession, manipulation and charm are pretty much the basic requirements. It's hard to say. But anyway, like I said, ... (read in full...)
I judge my friend and her lack of morals. Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I know a girl who I became friends with. She works as a model and is staying here on a visa. I am in graphics and I made her a Web site for free as a favor. In the course of this Web site, I found out she has a past--and a present, too. Ab...
A. 4 November 2010: Let's start off with the obvious: this girl is not your friend. You have a crush on her. And I think this is why you are reacting the way you do. You're jealous because you can't have her but at the same time you're relieved because her less than ... (read in full...)
How do we tell our parents we want to be adult porn stars?
Q. I am 18 years old and I sexually active athletic , and a model , I have been dating my girlfriend Alex for 3 years she is a model too , as well we plan to be together forever as well we have a desire to be adult film stars how do we go about telling ...
A. 25 October 2010: Oops I missed that you're a guy, not the girl. I still stand by what I said, minus the breast augmentation. It really is a risky business.... (read in full...)
How do we tell our parents we want to be adult porn stars?
Q. I am 18 years old and I sexually active athletic , and a model , I have been dating my girlfriend Alex for 3 years she is a model too , as well we plan to be together forever as well we have a desire to be adult film stars how do we go about telling ...
A. 25 October 2010: Others have given you good advice on how to break the news.
My question to the both of you is whether you really know what you're getting yourself into? Being sexually active and being a pornstar are two different things. These days it's getting ... (read in full...)
I want to be a London escort
Q. Hi everyone! I'm thinking about becoming a London Escort... Do not tell me that I shouldn't do this.. I'm already an Escort, but not in London. What I would like to know is: How many customers do Escorts receive per day? Thank you for your a...
A. 25 October 2010: Having lived in London and having had a friend who was an escort there, I can't say London is the best place for your profession. Lots of competition from other girls and lots of rape cases.
People always go to the big cities expecting to find gol... (read in full...)
Younger guys just don't have what I want!
Q. I'm 19 years old.I'm only attracted to older guys,I'd say guys i find attractive are always between the ages of 25-40 is this normal? Because i feel like this isn't normal and im weird. I never have and never will be attracted to guys younger ...
A. 25 October 2010: To add to the other answerers there is just one thing you need to watch out for: manipulation. Older guys have more life experience, no matter how you look at it. Some of them are very cunning when it comes to getting what they want and are more ... (read in full...)
I want to get away from my parents
Q. Ok, so I'm feeling a bit odd asking about personal stuff online (which I've never really done before) but it seems like in this situation, a stranger could probably give me better advice than my friends or family. So anyways, here's my proble...
A. 16 October 2010: I wouldn't move out just yet.
When I was 18 I moved out to live in another city far away. The problem was that I'm a country girl; I lived in a small village where everyone knows everyone. Suddenly moving to a big city where you become anonymou... (read in full...)
My dad's 35 year old friend (a teacher) is flirting with me
Q. Gah, I hate talking about crap like this but I'm going to anyway lol. Ok, so there's a guy that lives below us, and him and my dad are really good friends. He's about 35, not married, and I've always had a really big crush on him. Then last year, ...
A. 15 October 2010: You seem very reasonable and mature for your age. Ofcourse I don't have much room to say that since I'm just 22 myself but you're one of the few on here who knows exactly what's at stake here.
This is a hard one. There's obviously attracti... (read in full...)
Should I walk away knowing he'll be deployed, or try to stay?
Q. I have been talking to this kid since July 2010, he's in the army and is stationed in new York (I'm in Ohio). He is originally from here and met him on one of his visits home. It is now october and I think I am starting to really fall for him but ...
A. 15 October 2010: I´m surprised you´re calling someone only 2 years younger than yourself "a kid". Is he really as immature as that implies?
Also whatever you two have seems rather platonic at the moment, so if you want to be able to trust him you you'll have to ... (read in full...)
How can I stop overthinking things?
Q. Hi, i'm 23 and ever since i can remember i've always been a person who over thinks things. e.g. I always used to be paranoid about what other people thought about me, what i looked like, how i talked etc... Now that i'm older that has kind of faded ...
A. 12 October 2010: I used to be kind of like you. In addition to being an overall paranoid, I had the weirdest habits. I always slept on my left side because if I didn't I was sure something bad would happen. I had rituals embedded in my routines like always drinking ... (read in full...)
Should I see a dietician before I embark on this new healthy lifestyle?
Q. Trying to improve my health and get into a healthy eating routine and start jogging to increase my energy levels and improve my libido drastically. Would it be advisable to see a dietician first to get started as I have no idea where to start a...
A. 12 October 2010: Yes, DO visit a professional. I know many who try to do it themselves, not knowing at all what they´re doing and they end up setting up very unhealthy lifestyles for themselves. Don´t hop onto the first fad diet either. They´re unhealthy and NOT ... (read in full...)
Virgin problem!
Q. Hey, I'm a girl, I'm 17 and 4 months and I'm still a virgin (worryingly). Is this really old? In the past when it's come to the stage of ''we're drunk, lets have sex'' i've always ran away from the scene. But now i don't know if i should hav...
A. 12 October 2010: It´s a sad thing that with your age you feel too old to be a virgin. Don´t let all those tall stories by your classmates intimidate you. When I was in highschool a couple of years ago, the girl who was the loudest participant during conversations ... (read in full...)
Did you like someone who was in a relationship? How did it end?
Q. Hey everyone.. Has there been anyone out here who liked someone and that someone was been in committed relationship!if yes please share your story and tell me how it ended? Ps:there is this guy I like let's call him x and his gf Y,so I really lik...
A. 10 October 2010: I´ve been in this situation. I was 20 and he was 28 and he neglected to tell me he was married until I caught him wearing his ring. That´s when I ended it. No more phonecalls, no nothing. Just the idea of his wife sitting there unawares her hubby is ... (read in full...)
I'm messing around with a 29 year old and he doesn't know that I"m only 17
Q. basically a few months back i met this guy we kissed, then after i found out he was 29 years old and i was only 16 years old. i stopped texting him because i knew it was wrong. but now.... I need your help again!! I was out downtown with ...
A. 30 September 2010: Starstruck, I have the following question for you:
Why come here and ask for advice when you've already made up your mind about this guy? I mean, you're going to continue being his fuckbuddy, your mom is fine with her daughter dating a guy almo... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me? Did she really sleep with him?
Q. I was away out of the Provence working for a few months and my wife cheated on me. She says she's sorry and it will never happen again. I found out because a friend called me at 330 in the morning and said my wife was seeing this other guy. She ...
A. 29 September 2010: From what I'm reading here it unfortunately seems that she did indeed sleep with him, but simply isn't man enough to come clean about the truth.
Her excuses are weak.
- She says he admitted it the second time because he wants you to stop calling... (read in full...)
I'm messing around with a 29 year old and he doesn't know that I"m only 17
Q. basically a few months back i met this guy we kissed, then after i found out he was 29 years old and i was only 16 years old. i stopped texting him because i knew it was wrong. but now.... I need your help again!! I was out downtown with ...
A. 28 September 2010: I fully agree with Cerberus here. You're falling for his manipulation with your eyes open. At your age, age gaps like these are a difference between day and night. Picture yourself at his age. What will be your job and home situation. Draw it out in ... (read in full...)
What do women really think about guys who are not good-looking?
Q. Hi all. I'm an ugly bloke (I think so anyway) and I have never had a girlfriend before, and I want an honest answer on this question...What do women really think about guys who are not good-looking? Most guys who are not good-looking gro...
A. 28 September 2010: You're selling yourself short with this way of thinking. As long as you keep believing that this is 'your fate' and that you're doomed to be miserable, nothing will change and your beliefs will be confirmed, in turn giving you even more reason to be ... (read in full...)
What do women really think about guys who are not good-looking?
Q. Hi all. I'm an ugly bloke (I think so anyway) and I have never had a girlfriend before, and I want an honest answer on this question...What do women really think about guys who are not good-looking? Most guys who are not good-looking gro...
A. 28 September 2010: I'll be the first to admit that looks definitely have a role in choosing partners. So that's the bad news confirmed.
That said, there's a lot you can work with. Choose your haircut wisely, for an instance. I was once messing around with wigs at ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my sister-in-law's brother and everyone in my family is against it!
Q. hey, i am 17 and i am HEAD OVER HEELS in love with this guy thats 24 and he tells me that he is MADLY in love with me but....my ENTIRE family is against him he is my brothers wifes brother and omg he is amazing...he has a gf that is a couple months ...
A. 28 September 2010: This must be a joke. Seriously, I'm not buying it. He's been in prison since he was 17? He has a gf but he's had sex with you in a van? Yeah, this guy sounds like a gentleman. A perfect match. Nope, I cannot understand why anyone would be against ... (read in full...)
Should I be mad at my best friend?
Q. Heyyyy!! I just want to know should I be mad @ my best friend if she told her mom ( which is whom we both work with ) that I don't have my diploma? I really really trying to get my GED ( for 2 years ) and I've known my best friend since the 10 g...
A. 27 September 2010: No need to get crabby about it, OP. I give advice and you take from it what you can use, ignore what you can't. Simple as that. I also explicitly said that this wasn't a jab at you.
If the communication between you and your friend really i... (read in full...)
I feel like such a loser!
Q. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I'm 18, have recently started univeristy and I feel completely alone. Everyone around me in my old town seemed to be in a relationship, and here at University everyone seems so confident when talking ...
A. 27 September 2010: I don´t get why 18 should be the magic number. Why should you have had sex by now? Why should you have a relationship? Because you're now officially an adult? Give me a good reason.
Being depressed because you're not a natural herd follower... (read in full...)
Should I be mad at my best friend?
Q. Heyyyy!! I just want to know should I be mad @ my best friend if she told her mom ( which is whom we both work with ) that I don't have my diploma? I really really trying to get my GED ( for 2 years ) and I've known my best friend since the 10 g...
A. 27 September 2010: When you give your friends information that you don't want to be shared, you have to make that clear to them. I sometimes also discuss my friend's problems with my parents, in hopes of getting new advice that I can pass on to them. BUT only when she ... (read in full...)
What were you like as a teenager?
Q. I have recently have been thinking about my teenage years since now I am a young adult and I have been thinking about what I expected when I turned 16. I live in a small town but the teens here were weird. They were the party girls who slept with ...
A. 26 September 2010: There´s nothing wrong with doing what you feel comfortable with. Partying until my head falls off and the idea of sleeping with random guys didn´t appeal to me at all, so I didn´t do that. That doesn´t mean the way I chose to ´survive´ my teen years ... (read in full...)
My virgin girlfriend wont have sex with me
Q. Im a virgin and so in love with this girl who is also a virgin,recently i talked to her about having sex but she wont give in,she belives in no sex before marriage and it rilly bothers me coz she is only 16years.she lets me touch her private parts ...
A. 18 September 2010: You're between 22 and 25 years of age and yet this gibberish you've written looks like what a 13 y/o cooks up on AIM.
What are you doing with a girl who is atleast 6 years younger than you? Can't find someone of your own age? Or maybe it's bec... (read in full...)
My girlfriends super jealous of my best friend who is a girl!
Q. ive been with my girlfriend for 7 months, and everything for the most part has been great (we have our wedding colors picked out lol) but i just started my senior year of college 3 weeks ago and a problem has surfaced. last year, i realized that all...
A. 18 September 2010: I see that my statement stirred up something. Therefore, I'd like to clarify I didn't say it could never work out, I am just saying that for the majority of the people, it doesn't. If you are the exception of the rule, congrats, you have something ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends super jealous of my best friend who is a girl!
Q. ive been with my girlfriend for 7 months, and everything for the most part has been great (we have our wedding colors picked out lol) but i just started my senior year of college 3 weeks ago and a problem has surfaced. last year, i realized that all...
A. 17 September 2010: Okay, I get where you're coming from but you should also look at your gf's perspective. Just because your last gf and your mom are okay with it doesn't mean everyone automatically accepts it.
Yes, she's a hypocrite for dragging you along to hang ... (read in full...)
I'm always told that I look like a guy?
Q. hey. i could do with some advice on how to either boost my confidence or how to ignore everyones snide comments. i regularly get comments about how i look like a guy. i don't think i do, i'm a size 12, with definate breasts and i have a fairly sl...
A. 17 September 2010: I am pretty masculine as well in my face. I have a relatively strong jawline for a girl, strong eyebrows, etc. I also have broad shoulders and though I have boobs, I do have that masculine thing.
Now, there's a lot you can do to make it work for... (read in full...)
Why was this man staring at me?
Q. When out to eat the other day with my daughter. We were at aa table in a sandwich shop. This guy sits there and stares at me the whole time never takes his eyes off me. Then he leaves before I do. Then when he gets ready to leave he walks by my ...
A. 15 September 2010: I am no psychic or telepath. For the record, I don't believe in any of that stuff to begin with.
Really your guess is as good as ours. How should we know what his intentions were? He might be wondering if you're that old classmat... (read in full...)
My wife is driving me crazy! advice please!
Q. My wife is driving me crazy. I love her so much but she is the most stubborn woman on earth. We met, fell in love, got married. Everything was perfect. Now, with the stress of my job, her starting nursing school again, oh and us getting pregnant. ...
A. 15 September 2010: **I wanted to correct one thing in my answer. Since your wife is so far along it would not be fair to expect the same input in householf chores. And pregnancy does change behavior sometimes, so don't jump to conclusions and try to avoid fights. ... (read in full...)
My wife is driving me crazy! advice please!
Q. My wife is driving me crazy. I love her so much but she is the most stubborn woman on earth. We met, fell in love, got married. Everything was perfect. Now, with the stress of my job, her starting nursing school again, oh and us getting pregnant. ...
A. 15 September 2010: I'm a bit like your wife when it comes to showing emotions. I can come off as cold and distant or uncaring while I don't mean to be. I just don't pour it out like that. I also don't shower people with notes texts and phone calls. I never have and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother likes me more than he should and it's embarrassing me... how do I deal with this?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am 18 and he is 19, he recently moved in with his brother who is 25. So, I see a lot more of his brother than I already did. I've lately gotten the feeling that his brother is attracted to me. ...
A. 15 September 2010: Hard one.
What I would do is this.
1. Ignore his behavior and try to be as off limits to him as you can. Wear turtlenecks in his presence when possible, keep your body language closed (crossed arms, etc.) and lock the door when you change ... (read in full...)
Dating a military man
Q. I would really appreciate any advice I can get on this matter because I really need to decide what I should do about my RAF boyfriend and I. I am beginning to realise how hard it is to be involved with a military man after dating him for 4 months...
A. 14 September 2010: Hard one. I am not telepathic either so I have no idea what's going on in that head of his.
But if he's been in the military that long chances are he's had his share of combat and with it plenty of memories he would love to forget. Traumati... (read in full...)
Don't want to lose my friend but we both like the same guy!
Q. help my friend and i both like the same guy i havent told her yet and i dont want to loose her friendship what do i do ?...
A. 11 September 2010: You make a decision. How much is this friendship worth to you?
I gather she's been making remarks about fancying him for a longer time and she is probably trying to determine a good moment to make a move on him. You probably have what I call the... (read in full...)
My self esteem is shattered because my friend gets all the attention!
Q. Ive searched this site and cannot find any relevant advice for the dilema that i am in. I really love my best friend shes a really nice girl and very supportive and very pretty. When we go out to parties and clubs all the guys are interest...
A. 6 September 2010: My girl, I think your confidence wasn't up there where it should be to begin with.
People can tell, you know. If you are the more withdrawn, observer type people will easily overlook you if you have a friend who is much more "out there". I'm not ... (read in full...)
Woman is trying to steal my partner
Q. I have a bit of a relationship problem with an interfering woman. I have been with my partner for over 3 years now. Things are great between us, although he has slipped up twice, never cheated on me (once was a dating website with a guest profile ...
A. 6 September 2010: I agree with Jmtmj. Don´t involve yourself into this. That would imply that you don´t trust him to handle it well and this will hurt his feelings. Also, taking action on your own can only backfire as you will show yourself to be the insecure, ... (read in full...)
Lost in high school, lost in life generally
Q. I'm 14 and I really need help.I'm going through a really bad time in my life right now and I don't know what to do. Life sucks pretty much. All the stress from school and pressure i put on myself to do well in school is really getting to me. It's ...
A. 5 September 2010: I think your attitude might be the cause behind why you feel this way.
Almost every teenager goes through a phase where he or she feels stuck, awkward and unhappy. How you deal with that has makes the difference in staying that way or getting ... (read in full...)
I've hit a dead end!!!
Q. I've hit a dead end. After a few attempts of getting guys that I've liked in the past to like me back or to simply ask me out, I've given up! For some reason I attract desperate, needy, sexually frustrated or awkward guys. Guys that I'm just...
A. 5 September 2010: I think it's the need for a boyfriend that attracts the wrong people. Guys can tell when you're 'searching' and that means that usually the also desperate ones or the players who want to manipulate you for sex take a pass at you.
So stop putting ... (read in full...)
Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
Q. I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
A. 5 September 2010: Sorry I'm late, I just noticed the new replies by now.
@anonymous 1 (12 July): I don't see how being beaten by a man would gain me more insight in the matter. For the record, I have been, but the difference is that I fought back. (Though this was... (read in full...)
Do girls really judge how their boyfriends look even if they love them?
Q. hey guys i need some really reeally really good advice here coz i need it have u ever felt that ur girlfriend is just too good for u to the point that u would even think that she may cheat on u ? im not a bad looking guy but the problem is not h...
A. 3 September 2010: I currently have a 'crush' on a guy who you wouldn't give a second look if you'd pass him on the street. Looks-wise he is just really really average.
But he's just so much fun to be around. He's funny, quick witted, confident and he doesn't ... (read in full...)
All my friends are going to a different school than me this year. Help!
Q. Well it's the last year for this school and I'm going to a different school but all my really close people I absolutely love are going to the school I'm there district and I'm leaving everyone... And the girl who hurt me badly will be attending my ...
A. 3 September 2010: If the age you put up is correct, you are entitled to decide for yourself which school you want to go to. That is, unless your mom is the one paying for it all. That gives her more power. But that doesn't mean you should let her decide. You can ... (read in full...)
Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
Q. I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
A. 27 June 2010: Thanks for the answers. But big ron, the situation your describing isn't thát typical, is it? I mean, if that were true, the tortured lone wolf types ratio would be 1:3. And I guess I'll never understand why people are so naive and thickheaded ... (read in full...)
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